Reviews for 3 Times He Told Bella, & the 1 Time She Believed
sorrowfloats44 chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
Finally! At last! An Edward who doesn't mind debauching a virgin prior to wedlock, drinks humans, bangs Bella without a qualm, and doesn't seem overly reluctant to change her. Where he been hiding? Loved it!
Bekanz chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
That was hilariously brilliant! Loved it! Crazy sexy vampire edward.. fab ;)
Milalencar chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
OMG! Hehehehhe

That was just toomuch fun!

Love it!
babyo chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
Loved it!
outtayourface chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
It's no joke, ALL of your stories are amazing. You always do a great job in addin humor to these characters. I freaking love it. Here are some lines that made me snort so loud, I kinda hurt myself:

There's a funeral. (Not my fault.) - I love his thoughts in parentheses

I have shocked them all into silence, (I am that perfect) - yes, he is just THAT perfect oh lol :)

"No, they don't. They sparkle." She doesn't seem to think that statement deserves acknowledgement - sigh, I vote that we all ignore that

"forgot whatever she was yapping about before, though, because (I am a vampire sex god and)" - I love his thoughts

Amazing job once again! Love your stories :)
angelspinknose chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
love ya but you clearly have issues! thanks for the story.
Hadley Hemingway chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
wow. just wow. hot, hot,hot,ha -larious, and totally titillating! I think I need to drag my husband from the couch and go to bed right now!

One of the best, ever.
latuacantante4him chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
Funny. Creepy. Sensual. :)
moojuicey chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
I just love this to death, and I'm so happy you picked up my prompt, lady!

I adore all your hilarious parentheticals. It's like, pull them all out and it's a story that is dark but takes itself too seriously, but leave them in an it's fucking brilliantly funny!

I already noted the specifics I loved in my earlier comments, there are just too many to detail them all here again. :) I did still chuckle at many though, like:


pervy little harlot

immortal magnetism


do watch the teeth

like my women dirty

Anyway, again, even though the tone was completely different from what I was expecting, I absolutely love what you did with it. Thank you for writing! :D :D
LyricalKris chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
Yet again you prove to me why you are my favorite fanfic author.

People think this is weird because none of your stories are in my top 5 - but you're, by far, my favorite author.

Here's the thing. I am uber fucking picky about my vampire fic. Even the humor stuff. I just cannot take it if they're not EXACTLY Stephenie's vampires. Like, If Love Could Light a Candle is seriously one of 4 vampire fics I have ever liked ever. (Because it's done RIGHT among other things).

So I start to read and I'm doing the usual nitpicking fuckery in my head.

But then I just enjoy your writing too much. It was so fucking good. As per usual.

I got a chorus of "SHUT UP"'s when I got to this line: There's a funeral. (Not my fault.) because I was cackling like a fucking hyena.

At : (and really, why is she negotiating for immortal rights during sex?) (women are cunning): my family debated whether they should go ahead and call the ambulance because I hadn't breathed for so long (too busy laughing).

Thank you. That was high-larious.
AbruptlyChagrined chapter 1 . 3/30/2010

overzealousbunny chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
bwahaha LOVED IT!

You are ever so clever with the blood and the comedy and the oh so FREAKING hot Edward.. who in my case I'm inagining as a bronzed up Damon from Vamp Diaries!

edmom chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
funny porn hm i liked it
Tiggrmommi chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
LMAO fucking hilariously hott! LMAO!
ElleCC chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
I really love this. It was just... FUN.

The scene at the tattoo studio, when he takes off his shirt (he IS that perfect) and they ALL stare... omg, I was snorting in my office while I was reading earlier today. Dying ded.

God, he kept TELLING her. But he wasn't tall enough, or burning up in the daylight or... omg so funny, the whole thing.

Awesome job! Definitely did justice to the prompt! I hope your prompter loved it :)
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