|Reviews for Velocity Ferocity|
| Bobtrumpet chapter 5 . 7/1
Terrific! Bortel is my favorite.
I thought the password was " cocomoo" - oh, well.
| LJ58 chapter 5 . 1/5/2011
I've long suspected Cyrus was as loopy and twisted as some of the 'legit' villains. Now we have proof. Well done. Very interesting story. Hope to see more of the speedster, though. There is still a lot of potential in her.
| DoofusPrime chapter 5 . 4/23/2010
Like slipgate said, I was kind of hoping for a little more exploration of Kim feeling threatened by a "superior" hero, although I guess the "everyone is unique" like was meant to address that, so it's no big deal.
I liked Drakken's choice of password and Ron correctly guessing it - I think it helps illustrate how the Ron Factor can come in handy. :) I also liked Shego's reaction to seeing Kim dead, it was unexpected. I wonder, were you trying to imply that Shego was upset over her own chance to defeat Kim being stolen, or something more?
And the sudden existential crisis was an unexpected twist too. Forget about Kim not being the best at what she does - what if she's not even Kim? :-p
Thanks for the story.
| DoofusPrime chapter 3 . 4/23/2010
Nice, I like how you tied the racecar driver in that episode into this story. I always wondered who the heck that person was when I watched the episode! And why she was out driving a car like that in the middle of nowhere.
Although maybe they explained that in the episode, now I can't remember.
| DoofusPrime chapter 2 . 4/23/2010
Nice chapter -
I think Cyrus Bortel was done well, and I really liked the way you handled the slow-motion scene, implying the passage of time slowing down with the italic statements about the catwalk Cyrus Bortel's slowed speech. You seem like one of the better writers I've read on the site.
Btw, forgot to mention, but in chapter 1, when you switched to a Kim/Ron scene towards the end of the chapter, there was no scene divider - maybe you don't like using them or something, but I thought it might make it clearer. Just a suggestion.
| DoofusPrime chapter 1 . 4/23/2010
Good story so far!
I like how you portrayed Dementor - the line about the headgear making a statement was particularly amusing. The final line piques the interest as well - being obsolete, or being replaced by "better" world-savers, does seem like something Kim would be worried about. The Team Possible episode hinted at it of course.
| Slipgate chapter 5 . 4/21/2010
What were your intentions with Shego's breakdown about Kim's death? Was it remorse, realizing she hadn't meant to do the very thing she'd tried multiple times (mixer, cutting the grapple line, etc. etc.), or was it a KiGo shipper's dream come true? :)
The last chapter, other than the "obsolete" story point falling by the wayside, and not being sure why Suzanne was able to suddenly cope without the thing she'd apparently not gotten enough of in two months... it was all very dramatic and page-turning. I want you to know that it sucked me in, this last chapter.
But man, you gave me an existential crisis about both Kim and Rufus. :)
I find it interesting that the Ron and Kim in this story COULD be a couple, or might not be yet. You don't really know because they're familiar without any specific datey stuff happening in the scenes we see. There's something to be said for that.
| Slipgate chapter 4 . 4/21/2010
The image of a "dead" Rufus is really unsettling.
At the end of Chapter 4 I thought maybe they'd be copying Sue so that the implant was duplicated and tricked while they worked on the real implant... but you had a... gorchier idea in mind :).
| Slipgate chapter 3 . 4/21/2010
In Chapter 3... two incidents a month apart and she's thinking of obsolescence... but when the story ends, again, the idea seems to have fallen off.
Suzanne is taking more acceleranium? And what chance of a lifetime does she want to keep? She wants to get rid of it finally by story's end.
I'm surprised Sue knew Doctor Drakken's reputation but didn't have it cross her mind that Shego was with Drakken... even if she hadn't witnessed them together before when she assisted in the Shego fight.
I must admit that Chapter 3 had me honestly thinking that Sue would at first be trying to attack Kim before the truth finally came out to Kim... I was relieved to learn that Sue wised up enough to finally talk with trustworthy parties rather than burn bridges of help.
| Slipgate chapter 2 . 4/21/2010
The Kim/Shego fighting in Chapter 2 was easier to imagine than some fight scenes I've read, so that's good. (I had trouble picturing some of the "godlike Shego" vs. Kim fight scenes in your other story because it was hard to compute whether Kim looked battered or not, and how people around town could witness something that was happening at most on one block.) Some fight scenes are just confusing, but this one was really good.
Chapter 2 was a month later? What has Sue done in the intervening time? Would Kim even still remember that "obsolete" talk from a month before?
I also find it odd that Cyrus Bortel had it out for the acceleranium and then suddenly was helpful... I would've imagined a sort of "well-meaning-in-his-mind" double-crossing intent.
| Slipgate chapter 1 . 4/21/2010
You deserve more reviews for your writing. I've been reading but now I'm going to speak up a bit... at least briefly. I'm reviewing all five chapters, breaking up my comments per chapter, but these reviews are still written from the perspective of someone who has read all five chapters.
You have a good grasp on Dementor's voice and mannerisms. That's not necessarily as easy to handle as some might think, I imagine. He wouldn't be interesting to listen to or read if you go too far on the exaggerating of the LOUD SPEAKING, no?
The "Kim as obsolete" thing seems to have fallen by the wayside by the story's conclusion... I didn't think it was a constructive mope for Kim to have, but it was still distressing and would've been neat for her to work through somehow.
Sue Personich's voice was also good... at the risk of sounding like she's stereotypical, I could hear and imagine her voice and mannerisms. Am I right in assuming she was supposed to be the one driving that really fast vehicle in the episode Motor Ed that got stopped by the stop light?
| unwrittenaria chapter 4 . 4/20/2010
Too bad this is K if Suzanne was willing to fake or gamble with a threat/torture against Drakken I'm willing to bet he'd fold. (Technically she might not have to even really do that, just twist his arm a little- a lot.)
and man you're really intent on making Bortel quite the soulless scientist aren't you?
(Ron factor to the rescue again it seems.)
This was pretty fun although I would have liked to see it a bit longer. Not much, but there seems to be alot of fascinating things you could try with the scenario you've set up. (Drakken at least could have ordered her to pull off a few minor crimes so we could see how her new settings work, and test his control over her)
| unwrittenaria chapter 2 . 4/20/2010
Hm... You've set up quite an interesting character (and I dig the rhyming chapter titles)
we only got a brief glimpse of a super fast characters and how they'd work in the KP world (with the bebes and the speed shoes)- Questions would be does her hyped up speed result in cellular degeneration? More food like the speed when she's on the go alot?
And Bortel seems like quite the slimy character (given the one invention we saw from him.) Interested to see where you'll take this.
| CajunBear73 chapter 5 . 4/20/2010
Hmm, a missing duplicate that may not go poof, and could be in the arms of a lovelorn Shego... Oy.
| acosta perez jose ramiro chapter 4 . 4/10/2010
And once again, convenience helps Kim and company; a banana peel and a very interesting machine.
Bortel needs therapy; he can create a doomsday device if the price is right!
Keep the good writing.