|Reviews for Sugar For Severus Snape|
| Xiaou Nem chapter 1 . 4/26
Interesting. A bit over the top, but nice.
| eliwin chapter 1 . 6/21/2011
I love it...
| slyhf chapter 1 . 4/28/2011
.that's...strange.i never really imagined snape being that , it's wrong grammar or drab 's great,man. totally great.
| David boreanaz's wife247 chapter 1 . 10/17/2010
| buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuff chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
Oh! How cute! I love both speeches ... Very, very nice Fanfic.
I'm saving it in my Favourites.
| ivyjag chapter 1 . 7/23/2010
lovely! i love their little speeches to each other 3
| CYMKK09 chapter 1 . 5/15/2010
Good one! Love it!
| Celestial Moonwalker chapter 1 . 5/10/2010
I say 'Cute!'
| debjunk chapter 1 . 5/10/2010
I would enjoy reading a sequel to that.
| watin77 chapter 1 . 5/10/2010
this was a really sweet and charming story! i'll definitely make sure to check out more of your work.
| whitehound chapter 1 . 5/4/2010
A very nice little vignette of two rather awkward people.
Your English is better than that of many native speakers, but you asked for proof-reading, so here's a list of Germanisms and random typoes:
I'm only hear to play - here, not hear
and lay her head - laid her head
as he lay Hermione down - laid Hermione down
slept in the Hospital Wig - Wing!
did certainly not make it any better - should be "certainly did not" or "certainly didn't", not "did certainly not"
I stand to what I did - stand by, not stand to
when he was shouting, no, when he speaking quietly; - "but when he was speaking" or "but when he spoke", not "when he speaking"
Severus could only watch her stop out the Hospital Wing - "step out of" or maybe "stomp out of", not "stop out"
through the double wing door "through the double doors"
because the witch's quarter was definitely closer - "quarters were", not "quarter was" - the kind of quarters you live in are always plural
how you do that - , read the Daily Prophet - lose the comma after the hyphen
met his skin when she barely even conscious - "she was barely" or "she had been barely", not "she barely"
Hermione was the first to break the eye contact and - though not letting go of his hand - standing up. - "to stand up" rather than "standing up"
woken by an imaginary noise -, he needed a few minutes - lose the comma after the hyphen
and he smell of his room - the not he
The look he gave himself in the mirror, was derisive - lose the comma after mirror
He wanted nothing more than crawl under the covers of his bed - "to crawl"
something that make the older witch laugh - made, not make
It cost the Potions Master - small 'm' on master - it's just another word for a teacher
they would seen old Snape - "would have seen"
I'm also not sure about this -
Leave me alone; decide. But not disappear.
What it says is that she is telling Snape to decide something, but it's not clear what she wants him to decide, and I'm not sure if that's what you meant.
| DevilBoxers chapter 1 . 4/11/2010
That was really good! For English not being your first language you did really good! I liked it a lot, keep up the good work!
| GreenEyedRedHead1994 chapter 1 . 4/9/2010
I say..."wow!" This tiny oneshot got across more than most multi-chapter fics. Great work, very well done, and congrats!
| Valmarien chapter 1 . 4/9/2010
Great story. I particularly liked the way they confessed to each other... So sweet _. Hermione's final lines are brillian, as well.
| Nightzchild chapter 1 . 4/5/2010
I like the idea of Snape and the sugar, the dream sequence confused me though. I didn't realise it was a dream so the story semed to jump without making any sense. Perhaps you could try and make it more obvious what is real and what is a dream. Otherwise, nice work.