|Reviews for Sebastian LaCroix's Ghoul|
| Dark Angel and Dark Star chapter 20 . 11/3/2013
how big a jump? poor lydia
| Dark Angel and Dark Star chapter 3 . 11/2/2013
oh i get it now there's like an entity inside her that is educated in like 'all knowlage' way right?
| Dark Angel and Dark Star chapter 2 . 11/2/2013
it's kinda funny how she notices his teeth
*preparing for epic freak out*
| midblooder chapter 20 . 9/5/2013
Oh please continue this wonderful story! I'm so curious about Alice insight and I want to know why Lacroix is keeping her with him :)
| Guest chapter 20 . 10/29/2012
love this story! hope you update again!
| DieMyDearAlice chapter 20 . 7/30/2012
A BIG thank you for writing this! I just completed reading 20th chapter and am eager to see more. Although a part about Ocean House Hotel gave me nightmare today, it was my favourite part. Especially when Alice flees from Venture Tower to help her friend - really noble of her! *w*
P.S. Never mind my name, I like Alice! :)
| avrjoe chapter 19 . 2/13/2012
I've been waiting for this! and it's quite good
| myobsidianbutterfly chapter 19 . 2/11/2012
I knew there's a new chapter! I felt it! :D And this one was just great and totally worthed waiting for it soo long!
I really hope Jonathan will be alright, he's a nice piece of candy! :)
| OllieLemur chapter 1 . 11/27/2011
Interesting. I like the idea of an Old Soul, and him needing her to imprint on his aura alone. :D
| myobsidianbutterfly chapter 18 . 8/6/2011
Hi, I really love your fanfic. Please, continue it as soon as possible. :)) I can't wait to see what's Johnathan and LaCroix are up to :D
| SpecialAgentOrange chapter 16 . 2/13/2011
So after a chance meeting with her best friend, our Nosferatu fledgeling is one sewer grate away from the Ocean House. Speaking of, Your sections with Lydia seem much more put together in these chapters. Though I do have a caveat to give: be careful about having her emotions crop up if she needs to kill someone or do something ethically wrong. Remember that violence is commonplace in the World of Darkness and that over time Lydia is going to be accustomed to that. Though if you're looking for your character to get emotional, remember that sometimes that people get emotional after periods of pain and they could be set off by anything.
Moving on to Alice, I'm not bothered that she seems to be taking a backseat in the first two chapters. The third was an interesting one though some fans may look at you with dubious eyes at your notes. You'd probably get away with saying that she could resist the Blood Bond with LaCroix - I mean she's only at the first level of the bond - but be mindful about how frequently she's able to do that; too many times and it becomes apparant that the Prince needs to feed her again.
... Then again, maybe LaCroix knew about her escapade and simply didn't care. That's one thing I've noticed in other games and situations; Sometimes obedience is not so much about reinforcing one's will, but reinforcing one's awareness over someone... Or maybe the Prince had no idea. Either way, part of me wonders about the aftermath.
Something I noticed when I was re-reading some old sections, and it seems that was the only time Alice tried anything like that on her own. Ultimately I wonder what's going to pervade her skull after her meet with Lydia.
Looking forward to the next installment. :)
| SpecialAgentOrange chapter 13 . 12/19/2010
Looking through your updates, I have to say that your work continues to surprise me; your encounter between Matt, Lydia, and John warranted a double take. Speaking of Lydia, your sections on her seem to have a lack of polish to it. Conceptually it reads all right, but there's this sense of uncanniness throughout her sections that takes away from your writing; it doesn't make it too grim or extreme, but it feels a mite surreal... I'd recommend polishing out her sections a tad.
I'm surprised that Matthew seems willing to keep Mercurio's botch a secret; unless Mercurio's holding some damning information or something too useful to be killed off, I'd suspect he might blow the whistle on him, and set up a fall guy... And Jane... she really has no idea... Wonder if anyone else has the same curiousity to LaCroix' obfuscating the Blood Bond, though I don't think the other members of the court would have her zeal. Then we have Stacey... If I say anymore I'll wind up gushing how I heart Malkavians, so we'll leave it at that.
Moving on, I like how you brought the other courtiers in the Elizabeth Dane segment. The only thing I can say regarding that section is that following the game, it almost negates the fledgeling's quest (unless LaCroix is simply trying to keep her busy; I have a lot of thoughts regarding the politics in the game, but this is not the time for this.). I digress though that your work may be something akin to an AU story, not that there's anything wrong with that; I've seen AU fics that brought the original canon to shame (I cite Byzantine Black in regards to that). For now, keep doing what you think you should do; you've already created some sections and characters that caught people's interest.
Then Max returns in one segment. Despite the patronizing, I have to agree with him; at some point Alice is going to wonder how she was picked out from many others. If anything, I get the impression Strauss had already given a hint as to how to break that secret - intentional or otherwise... He'd probably not want Alice to freak out and run away, at least not from him.
Looking forward to the next chapter. :)
| TheresaVamp chapter 1 . 12/12/2010
I have to say, I love your story (fanfiction). I like how you remembered characters that weren't very important in the games. I like how you created that twist Lydia. Good job and thanks for adding another chapter.
| AilynSnape chapter 12 . 12/1/2010
No matter how many times I read this I ALWAYS Laugh at the Strauss-LaCroix-phone-call scene! XDXD Strauss really does know how to destroy a prince's phone, doesn't he? 3!
| SpecialAgentOrange chapter 11 . 10/11/2010
I gotta be honest with you: I'm not quite used to seeing a LaCroix who could handle himself. I mean, it makes sense but the games painted a lot of preconceptions over a lot of the characters. That being said, it's interesting to see that; if anything it gives the impression of what Lydia's going to deal with should the time come.
Thinking back on the previous chapter, we've now been introduced to Nines and the gang. If Alice is really going to talk to them I get the impression the meeting's going to be tense; Brujah and Ventrue do not mix, even if she is just a Ventrue ghoul. I don't know if the Anarchs will even let her in through the front door.
Regarding Alice, I suspect the Ventrue blood may have dulled her emotions a bit, or at least allowed her to think more clearly. Along with seeing an execution and being in the eye of a Sabbat storm, I wonder how this will affect her. Also, it seems to be in her segments that we seem to feel empathy for any of Alice's friends, or at least learn serious details about them through her.
Speaking of her friends, it's a shame that Lydia's going through quite a change in lifestyle, and it may only get worse for her; part of me is thinking that was Vincent's reason all along: he was looking for a Cleopatra to torture. But part of me's wondering what's happened to Johnathan after his meeting with Bach. Then we have LaCroix' 'court;' after the previous chapter, part of me is wondering if the court was created specifically for the purpose of cultivating Alice as an asset. This has to do with Isabelle; maybe she's more aware of Alice's standings with the Prince and is trying to get into her graces, but a lot of it appears to be part of a grander scheme to fashion a mindset. Funnily enough, I'm curious as to the rest of the court's doing. Are they on jobs?
Apart from that - and twisted thoughts regarding 'Izzy' and Alice, I liked the two chapters, and I'm looking forward to the court's actions.