Reviews for Fewer Moving Parts
bluedancingkittykat chapter 4 . 8/17/2013
This is BEAUTIFULLY Written!
thequietreader chapter 4 . 12/29/2011
I really seem to have a habit of reviewing your stuff one thing after another. It's because I read your things one thing right after another, I guess. Point is, I like this story. Quite a lot. Damn, you're a good writer. This isn't anything like what I would expect from a fanfiction story - I've gotten used to that; your stories are never cliche, never recycled, just thought-provoking and -wow I can get that - that makes sense - that's so much more true to life- and so on, and et cetera.

Point is, great story. Cool story, bro, tell it again, tell it at parties, you'll get laid.

...Or something.
twofortyfiveAM chapter 4 . 10/19/2011
I'm always going to think that you're amazing :)
pianocow chapter 4 . 4/11/2011
First off, I love how many different names this fic has had so far. What are we at now, three (all brilliant, by the way).

Anyhow, this chapter had a wonderful amount of awkward stirred together with some form of soup liquid. I make no sense, don't mind my tactless mumbling. Don't even remember it's there BOOM! It's gone, never existed.

I friggin love your characterization of Zexion and Demyx here. And there. And don't forget that one.

Oh, man! And the sticks tied together with string! Was is one of your fics that used that same description at some point or another? Describing sleep... Or was it someone else? Whenever I see sleeping people, I think of sticks tied together with strings now. Oh, fanfiction, you make me think glorious, if not somewhat awkward, things.

I think I'd better sleep before I scare something drastically and/or lethally. Yeah, sleep is good. Maybe I should get some sticks and tie them together with string. Would that look like sleep? I'm gonna stop typing now.

(Ps, chapters yay. Keep it up and all that jazz.)
sundayguts chapter 4 . 4/11/2011
Me checking my email during class on Labtops the school let us use:

Kirsten:(Blabbering away about seomthing or other)

Me:(Confusion on what story this was.) Wtf?

Kirsten: Are you even listening?

Me: Yea, , I need to see what this is.

Other compannions(laughter)

Me:(Reads suammary)...(opens)... AHHH!

Everyone at tabel(jumps)

Teacher:Maria!

Me; HOLY FUCKING SHIZZ!HOLY FUCK!(Looks to the celing) You are REAL!

Yea.

I think that shows my complete and total LOVE of this story.

:)
luckless-is-me chapter 4 . 4/11/2011
So, I never know how I want to describe things like this. Amazing comes to mind. So does wonderful and awesome and all those other nice adjectives. But, really, I can't think of a word that really gets it across...

Anyway, I love this story. I mean, I had decided that already before I even read this chapter, but this just topped it off. I love the way Zexion thinks about things. He's seriously isolated himself from everyone because of the fear of rejection and whatever else. And he's different than he is in other stories in the way that he just IS. And that probably doesn't make very much sense, but... that's the only way I can think to describe it.

And there are a lot of things I could touch on in this chapter, but for the sake of not babbling, I'll just mention the interaction between Demyx and Zexion. Zexion is awkward and socially inept, and then Demyx is just so casual and, well, normal. It's interesting to see them talk to one another because Zexion tries so hard to be normal, and he's surprisingly good at it for someone who is so isolated.

I'm glad that Demyx knows that he's still in high school now, simply because I didn't want him to find out sometime later. And then the kiss at the end. It's sad for a lot of reasons. Zexion isn't doing it because he wants to, simply because it is easiest. And Demyx doesn't know that. He might find out later...and he might not. Who knows? (Besides you, that is).

My favorite part of this chapter was the ending, though, because Zexion thought that the mere idea of kissing Demyx was disgusting- and I'm just glad that it was mentioned. Most people would have gone off about it being gentle and sweet and everything else, but you didn't with this. And I'm glad. It really adds to the uniqueness of this fic, I think.

Anyway, I'm in love with this fic, and I can't wait for the next update, however long it may take. _
dellums chapter 4 . 4/11/2011
Gahh, I absolutely love this. Love-love-love it. It's so... I don't even know. Real. Yes. The characters are so much like people I know in my life, and I get kinda giddy when Zexion and I have the same opinion on something but that's just me because I'm a nerd and get excited over dumb things like fictional characters and their depressing thoughts, ANYWAY.

This is super-wonderful, and I'm really enjoying it so far~ Keep up the great work!
sundayguts chapter 3 . 2/12/2011
The way you write is amazing.I spend days trying to find good stories whenever I get the its worth it,especially with good authors like you.
sundayguts chapter 1 . 2/12/2011
Aw.I love hard to find stories that portray him this way...
pianocow chapter 3 . 2/6/2011
That conductor sounds like every conductor I've ever had. Seriously, great job on knowing what a band rehearsal sounds like and all that. The story itself is also splendid. It's inquisitive and prods at human flaws, but still has a veil of innocence surrounding it... That sentence doesn't sound right to me, but if you read it while standing upside down and take some of the unorganized logic out of it, it'll make a lot more sense.
A big fan Bri chapter 1 . 2/1/2011
You would have to be one of my favourite author’s on this site, no joke. Your narrative voice is so beautiful, in that you can not only get inside Zexion’s head and his way of thinking, but you can also analyse him from an outside perspective and sort-of criticise and poke fun at him, whilst still being undeniably sympathetic to his difficulty with people. The thing I like about this story in particular is how relatable it is; Zexion’s making that difficult transition between teenage hood and adulthood, has so much difficulty in reading other people that he often gets frustrated by them to the point he hardly bothers talking to them, hardly understands anyone’s emotions and intentions- all the while trying to come across as normal and read into their actions- and just mimics what he sees because he doesn’t know what to feel or do in situations.

(sorry I’m not particularly good at writing reviews or expressing my opinions) Zexion’s flaws in this makes him sort of compelling and believable, and although a little irritating at times makes him feel “human,” which is highly commendable and shows your ability as a writer.

The little quote at the start was also a perfect hook, and perfectly sets up the child VS adult theme that is prevalent in this. Your sentence structure is also well thoughout, and each line just draws me further and further into Zexion’s world. I think every sentence serves a purpose, and I particularly like the little details (Zexion’s hair in the water, the English teachers writing book suggestion, Demyx’s wonky “obviously dyed blonde hair” etc.)- its just the little quirks you put the effort to put in that make me want to read more.

The way you’ve described Zexion as a sociopath is also interesting, and how you keep it to the forefront of the story. It’s how he does feel things, but very numbly, that seem to set up most of the story’s plot, and his lack of empathy and understanding that is sad, but not heavily so. It really gives the reader’s off this fanfic (of which I am a huge HUGE fan) an insight into his character. I personally think he’s very socially awkward to the point that it’s rather endearing (to both the audience and Demyx). He also seems incredibly weary of the world.

I like how urban this is, and how even though this world’s a lot different to your Akuroku war fic and your Seiner dystopia one, it still has a lot of little quirks and believability to it. I love those two fics, and I can’t say which is my favourite, but I think I can relate to this one the most, manly because the setting is so similar to places I’ve been and I sometimes have difficulty understanding people like Zexion does in this.

I’m not sure if it’s an inconsistency, but in the sixth paragraph Zexion says he’s bad at English class, and a few paragraphs later he says that one of two things he’s good at is English class. (I don’t want to sound nitpicky, I just picked up on this in one of the many times I’ve re-read it and I just was a little curious to see if I’ve misinterpreted the first time he said he was bad at English class.)

I love the scene where Zexion’s in the bathtub- it seems so quiet and meditative, and I love how Zexion thinks about Demyx’s scuba diving comment (a pretty throwaway comment at that, and from their only really quick conversation together) and it sort of showed just how isolated and unhappy he was (trying something someone else enjoyed in the hopes of enjoying it too). The scene was quick, but the detail you put into it (how he can only hear the blood rushing in his head, see the tendrils of his hair floating, feel the water tickle him) made it really immersive.

Zexion’s choice of clothing and how he threw away his shirts with sport’s slogans because “They struck up conversations he couldn't perpetuate or support,” just highlighted how much he’s isolated himself, and how much difficulty he has with people, and I really like how you included little sentences like these to show of Zexion’s personality.

Zexion’s commentary on how “The idea of going out was that he was no longer Zexion, the high school kid going through senior slump with an interest in interests” and how he wanted to control how he was perceived, and how he would read and “smile at people” was incredibly hard hitting to me and kind-of brutally honest to what many people do.

I also loved his/your commentary on autobiographies and on how so many of them skim over indecisions and school life and hardships, because I’ve noticed it in nearly every biography I’ve read and I think the writers of said biographies would inspire so many younger people if they explained how they coped, their faults and the emotional rollercoaster they went through when they were younger, but I understand why they don’t.

I have to say my all time favourite thing about this story is how you’ve portrayed Demyx, and his interactions with Zexion. He’s always just sort of ‘there’ in the background, and I get the feeling he’s been trying to talk with Zexion for a very long time, but has been too shy to. It’s very unique how he’s a traffic cop in this, and Zexion’s perception of him because of this, and how he sees Demyx as important because of this. Demyx’s crush on Zexy’s so adorable and obvious to everyone except the oblivious object of his affection. The description of him as “objectively attractive” and his hair and smile is also incredibly nice, as a lot of fanfic authors just call a love interest “perfect etc.” but yours/Zexion’s in unique (I loved the part about Dem’s wonky hair.) and entirely more intriguing and believable. (Dem’s constant smile is so adorable, and the way he leans against the wall and smiles at Zex is kindof…sexy.) There interaction is also just completely sweet (seemingly eager Demyx and awkward, suspicious Zexion) and the final line of the chapter “He was eighteen and he didn't know the difference between banter and flirting,” was an absolutely perfect way to end the chapter, and was pretty sad (I really hope Zexion can come around to realize that Demyx is interested in him.)

I apologise for the overly long review, but I can never seem to leave short reviews. And you deserve really long ones because you’re a superb writer, and I really hope you continue to write this story, as I love it, and I can’t wait to read more if you continue to write it.
squigglything chapter 3 . 1/30/2011
Hii :) Good to be reviewing another chapter of this story again! I'm really enjoying it. I liked the orchestra rehersal part of this chapter. I don't play in an orchestra or know anyone that does, so it was really new and interesting for me. What a refreshing chapter hahaa. Anyway, I hope you update again soon! Can't wait to see what happens next! Bye
shishifearme chapter 3 . 1/14/2011
ah great story :) *throws confetti*
yumchaitea chapter 3 . 1/10/2011
I really like your writing style :) It's really unique and there's something else that I can't quite place...but yeah I hope to read another chapter soon!
aristicats11 chapter 3 . 1/5/2011
I actually really like this story, shows a different side of zexion. I do hope you will start to update sooner, but meh. We can all hope cant we? Once again, love the story,good job.
43 | Page 1 .. Last Next »