Reviews for Something Scary
kjahdaghlejk chapter 3 . 4/21/2010
first story an' you're already better than me. kinda pisses me off... 'grumbles'.

but whatever. as for any advise/criticism, yer' doin' pretty damn good so far so I got nothing to say but 'good job, update soon'.

... good job, update soon.
Liger01 chapter 3 . 4/20/2010
good chap, its quite interesting,update soon.
xerebz chapter 3 . 4/19/2010
I love how you make this Naruto since I love dark naruto fics. In the upcoming chapter It would be nice to see a conversation between Naruto and Kyuubi
Dreamweaver Mirar chapter 3 . 4/19/2010

Psychotic Naruto ftw.

I'm glad Rikodou recced this to me :D

Looking forward to seeing more of this, though the Sandaime's character seemed a bit ephemeral- he kept changing.

Update soon!
Nulled Lucied chapter 3 . 4/19/2010
Sweetness, Naruto in a Garra setting FTW! Not to mention fairly fast updates aswell.

You Rock! M0 R PLZ!
Fan chapter 2 . 4/18/2010
This is KICK-ASS, keep it up!
Mech-Wolf009 chapter 2 . 4/18/2010
oh hell yes.
RikodouSennin chapter 2 . 4/18/2010
Writing, again, is very good. The chapter... not so much. The problem which throws it out of the loop is that 'that old ninja' would take action, both against his own villagers trying to kill his jinchuriki and against a boy trying to kill his people.

Mobs, Civillian council, 'finish what the Yoindaime started' are stale as mouldy old bread. You need a breath of fresh air. I was happy that you did not make Sarutobi a wimp, but then you contradicted his character terribly, just because you had an easy way out to progress your plot using the over-used 'villagers attack Naruto' device. And Sarutobi did nothing... Re-plot it, there are many ways by which you can achieve what you want, without using the over used mob device.

The way Jiraiya was manipulated was a bit too easy, but I liked 'that old ninja' at work again. And the chapter end was quite good.

My advice to you is, rethink it, retype it. Your writing has a refreshing quality to it, don't let it go waste. I want to see you continue this.

Good luck!
RikodouSennin chapter 1 . 4/17/2010
This seems very promising, and it is very well written. I cannot comprehend WHY it has not been reviewed once, it is very, very good.

The only problems I found in the first chapter were the use of the 'deer-caught-in-headlights' metaphor. Tailor it to suit your setting; there are no cars in Naruto-verse.

The line where you use 'kill-me-orange wearing, ramen obsessed ninja' just doesn't fit and seems to scratch the fourth wall and our knowledge about canon. A simple 'moron' or 'idiot' would do.

And, a veteran like Jiraiya does not cry on learning of someone's death; their eyes turn hard, their faces turn grim, and they demand the name of the murderer in a quiet voice. Or maybe that's just me...

All in all, good premise, great writing. Something which is excellent for your first fic. I haven't read the second chapter yet, but I hope it'll be just as good.
ClothesOptional chapter 2 . 4/17/2010
WOW. Just wow.

I have never been so anxious to read another chapter of a fic before, and this is your first fic? I'm loving this.

I really REALLY want to read your next chapter, you have made a fan of me already!
670 | « Prev Page 1 .. 35 42 43 44 45