|Reviews for What If?|
| Jharry1960 chapter 18 . 5/30
Wow, this story went to hell quickly in two chapters. Harry gets all this knowledge and power and doesn't even try to use it. Same spells, same power. They knock out more than a quarter of the death eaters ( which by your own count means they outnumbered them significantly), get rid of the giants, have the death eaters having to funnel into a kill zone...and because they lose eight people they need to give up? WTF?! Then the death eaters just walk in? HS! This should have been a slaughter. It was set up as a slaughter. If a situation like this had happened during a real battle, under similar parameters and conditions, Voldemort would have been the only one standing five minutes after the giants were gone. It was nice but my suspension of disbelief is not as strong as my total shock that people aware of land mines didn't have twenty automatic weapons take out all the death eaters strolling out in the open down in moments. AND even Riddle could have been laying there bleeding out waiting, disarmed(literally), for the snake to be killed. I absolutely HATE it when the good guys instantaneously become stupid just to keep a story going. Why do writers feel the need to make good people die for no reason? I've heard it was to make it a sacrifice worthy of victory. BS! What about all those who have already died, been raped, or tortured from the first war up to this point. If you have given the light side the means and abilities to rout the bad guys then just have the freaking guts to do it. Are you worried that it isn't dramatic enough to be considered a good story? A good story would not have built up everything they could do and were willing to do and then have them piss it all away making every effort to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Sorry I wasted my time. You're a soldier? Really? Do we really take superior equipment, training, manpower, and tactical capabilities and then try to make it close or lose?
| Jharry1960 chapter 9 . 5/27
This has been better the last couple of chapters but this thing about Harry needing a reason to hate Bellatrix is moronic. All Harry needs to know is that what she did to Neville's parents and I'm sure there is no shortage of people to tell him stories of her cruelty. To him she should be right there with Riddle and Malfoy. Besides, why does Harry have to hate her? It would be much more satisfying if Neville were to kill her. Still, what's with the stunners? Reducto should be the least of their offensive spells. Entrail expelling curses sound good to me. One spell I never see being used as offensive is obliviate. Obliviate them to infancy. There isn't much damage they are going to do at that point. As soon as Harry knocked Riddle off his senses he should have obliviated the bastard back to the cradle and conjured some diapers for him. Why do you keep forgetting what you have already done? Hermione gets a book about wandless magic and nothing about it later? By the time of the ministry some of them should have been firing off wandless spells. Oh well. Going to give this some more time.
| Jharry1960 chapter 5 . 5/27
It's a shame you had to keep some of the massive plot holes in your story but I'm assuming you needed to keep them there. The story is a bit uneven. It is smart one moment and then ridiculous the next. It doesn't make sense to forget we know about the capabilities of the wizarding world but even less so because we know the characters themselves know what their options are, like truth serum and pensieve memories. BTW, maybe, but not likely Harry and Hermione might not realize Ron was dueling with skills he never possessed but Dumbledore couldn't have believed they wouldn't notice that. You can imperius someone but you can't make them into someone they aren't with knowledge and abilities they don't have. Mentally and by academic standards Ron is a second year at best.
| Guest chapter 7 . 5/17
It's obvious that you suddenly didn't want the manipulative Dumbledore but you also weakened your story by making it inconsistent.
Better that Harry finds his own training not just rely on Dumbledore
| Nerdmom1701 chapter 20 . 5/14
Just finished. Thanks for a very enjoyable fic. It was nice to see a story on FFN from the male perspective. I must say that the spelling did take me out of the story sometimes, but you could fix that. The story was good enough that it should be updated! Nice work. I hope you decide to write again in the future.
| BillBrink chapter 11 . 5/5
I've put up with the poor English, plot holes, sudden changes of characterization and lack of plot premise, but when you have Harry not even recognize his parents whom he has already seen in pictures (Hr's Christmas gift) plus met in his duel with Riddle, that was just too much. There are just way too many mistakes for me to continue to enjoy reading this to the end. For your edification, the contraction for you are is you're, not your.
| Deathday Party Planner chapter 20 . 5/4
Outstanding! Thank you for sharing this terrific example of your early writing. I look forward to reading more of your marvelous HHr fiction, though I do regret that it's been 3 years since you last posted here and we are a poorer community for your absence.
| Guest chapter 10 . 4/12
Only reason for harry Ginny pairing is so Ron at least had someone
Poor Hermione had to put up with him or did harry and Hermione get love potions in meals?
| ankaush chapter 6 . 4/14
Your version of Dumbledore is very absurd. But a neat story nevertheless.
| lordblink chapter 20 . 3/23
| Ashwini chapter 17 . 2/16
Ravenclaw's diadem has been hidden under everyone's noses for centuries? Then you're changing canon and Helena Ravenclaw didn't steal the diadem and leave Great Britain with it?
"The line must be drawn here. This far and no further." Harry has been watching "First Contact"?
As impossible as it is, I have to admit I found Filch being a former sniper in the SAS amusing.
| Ashwini chapter 15 . 2/16
Where is Molly's follow-up after being publicly told off and stunned by Harry? There's no way she would let that go without having a scream-fest.
Also, does the wizarding world read Shakespeare? As a member of a pureblood family, would Sirius know the quote from "Julius Ceasar"?
| Ashwini chapter 14 . 2/16
Oh please...Snape was a marauder? And still treated Harry with such hatred and loathing? That twist did nothing for the story and just dropped the reader's ability to suspend their disbelief. This was then followed by no explanation of how the DE's left Hogwarts, so as far as we know, all the students were killed. It got worse when all of the Dursleys treated Harry decently when they left.
You then try to follow canon by having the bizarre break-out from Privet Drive, but Harry had no reason to be there. He spent the last two years at the Grangers. There was also absolutely no reason to portkey to the Weasleys. They aren't friends with Ron and Ginny, and after Molly's surreptitious attempt to betroth Harry and Ginny without Arthur's knowledge, neither Harry nor Hermione would WANT to go there.
And then you have Krum go after Hermione? Why? They weren't friends in your story. They didn't go to the ball together. They don't know each other. Why would he go after a total stranger and try to convince her that he's better than the person she's with?
I swear, another person wrote this chapter; one who never read the previous chapters in this story!
| Ashwini chapter 12 . 2/16
A month and a half has gone by and Ginny hasn't been charged with criminal charges? She stole from a professor and was responsible for another student's death, even if it was unintended. She should at least be charged with the British equivalent of negligent homicide.
Tom taking over Harry during his death is a new twist. However, one would think that Tom would be a bit more intelligent and not be so obviously a different personality.
Also, Draco was going to cast an unforgiveable in the school? One would think Hogwarts wards wouldn't permit unforgiveables.
I don't understand why Hermione's patronus was back to being an otter. It was clearly a doe just a few chapters ago.
Ron's apology was not credible. There was nothing that indicated he was having a change of heart. His apology came out of the blue, so how can it possibly be believed?
I also don't believe Harry would ever agree to follow orders without question. He would evaluate each situation and make a determination at that point. Where has this level of trust been built with Dumbledore? It was only a few short months ago that he admitted to trying to manipulate Harry's entire life and break him up with Hermione. I can see Dumbledore asking for absolute obedience, but not Harry giving it.
| Ashwini chapter 7 . 2/16
Why would a teacher prevent students from eating their breakfast by sending them to the Headmaster first, when it's not a disciplinary action? They should see him AFTER breakfast.
And then Dumbledore's speech...the man has spent YEARS teaching and in politics. He knows how to be a great orator and give inspiring talk. But instead of saying that he realizes Harry and Hermione have shown the maturity to have secrets revealed, he talks about being too tired to continue to manipulate them. What the heck?!