|Reviews for My Countermelody Rhapsody|
| Xyros chapter 6 . 7/4/2011
Wonderful story. You've really captured the essence that most authors miss. Please update soon, can't wait to read.
| chibipinkbunny chapter 6 . 12/31/2010
Well this chapter was great as well :) I sort of abstained from commenting about your prose and diction. I can weigh in on it next time if you want ;) Some specifics. . .
*"Nibbletime, or Nittlemime… Something like that."*
Lol, this was cute ;)
Oh, that's just like Angeal trying to assure his mom everything is okay. Such a sweet son! I think it's cute how she unofficially adopted Genesis. You know, reading that prequel about Gillian puts this chapter in a new light. You can really feel her guilt here and how much she loves her son, so much so that she started a new life and gave up her old one.
One of the things that I like about this story is that you include sex and other sex-like activities, but it isn't the focus of the story. It enhances the story instead of detracting from it. Their love is so sweet Another thing I like is that besides the passion, you show the "old married couple," dynamic, which all long term relationships have. Lol, my husband and I are like this sometimes as well :P Genesis is funny, bossing Angeal around.
You know I found it a bit surprising that Angeal didn't run right after Genesis up the mountain, but your explanation seems to work as well :) There's always a range of certain traits for characters. I could totally see Genesis running straight up to the mountain to prove things to people and to Angeal. Gah, Genesis sounds just like me :/ Or rather I sound just like him XD Oh I see, Angeal didn't think Genesis was going to actually go up there to fight them himself. Okay, well reading this whole thing before I review would make more sense. As soon as Angeal realizes Genesis might be in trouble he races after him. I thought at first Genesis stormed off to fight the monster and Angeal just didn't care. . .
Oh wow, this is getting scary! I'm right there with Angeal, holding my breath.
*Angeal drew his sword and the two stood back to back as silence fell over them. But it wasn't a silence of reprieve; rather, the silence of the hunted only vaguely aware of their impending doom.*
Oh, I like this, descriptive silences add a lot to the mood ;)
Lol! They found a good use for Quake. I always thought it was one of the most useless spells in the game. Along with Poison. . . Why poison your enemy when you can kill them much faster?
*"Monsters have often been linked to mako reactors, but there is no way to tell if the reactor was what was drawing it to Nibelheim."*
This is an interesting theory. I'd always thought that the mako mutated normal creatures into monsters or monsters into really really bad ones. Never thought about it like this.
*They finally made it back to the inn after promptly refusing a 'key to the city' (whatever that was)They finally made it back to the inn after promptly refusing a 'key to the city' (whatever that was)*
Lol! My thoughts exactly :P
I like how you dealt with the Cure materia. It partially heals, but not all the way. Kind of like the way it works in the game ;) I just didn't deal with it. . .
Oh, Genesis' blood type. Yes, that's never revealed in the game is it. You know there are some people with really rare blood types, like only one or two in the world that share their blood type. Usually siblings. I suppose it's like a genetic anomaly.
*And what the hell was his social security number? *
I don't know if they'd have one of those in Gaia. I got what you meant though :P I thought this was strictly an American thing. I mean other countries have it, but it goes by a different name. Sorry, I'm just being picky :P
*I have good news anyhow. I just got off the phone with my mother. She said she can fax both of our medical records to us."*
I'm probably the only one that found this amusing. In America medical records are HIPAA protected and it is harder than heck to obtain them unless you are the actual patient. The nurses even gave me trouble when I was working at the Poison Control Center. . . O.o I was like, the doctor called us, we're just following up on the patient. Then I had to fax them a form telling them that we were authorized to recieve patient info related to the case so that it could be managed appropriately.
Hmmm, Cloud as a literary genius? Well I love Cloud, and think he's intelligent, but not this smart :P Also, he'd be rather shy. I got the feeling that Cloud was a bit socially inept. Something else I wanted to touch on is that it's a bit TOO coincidental that they meet Zack and Cloud prior to going to Midgar. Well, at least in my opinion :P I've had conversations with eight year olds, as I teach ballet to children, and most of them aren't this precocious to understand the deeper meaning of poetry. Although I did have a rather amusing discussion with an 8 year old about the Chronicles of Narnia, which she was reading. This child REALLY loves to read though.
*Blood Type: A / Blood Type: O-*
If we're going to get technical, I would have given them a much rarer blood type. Like I said, there are blood types that only exist in a handful of people in the world. In the game it's implied that only Angeal has Genesis' blood type, which is related to the cells they received, a less pure form than Sephiroth. Of course, I'm probably the ONLY person that cares about this point because I'm a pharmacy student. Unless you have some med students reading. . . they might pick up on this as well :P
Looking forward to the next chapter! Angeal and Genesis are so perfect for each other! *Hearts*
| chibipinkbunny chapter 5 . 12/30/2010
You know, I kind of forget, does Angeal ever find out that Hollander is his real father? I think that's interesting he's a bit wary of him. It makes sense that Angeal would follow his mother's instinct's. You know, I wonder what traits he got from Hollander, because he seems so much like his mom, even down to hairstyle XD
*He had always wanted to travel the world with Genesis in a mercenary fashion, but he was old enough now to understand that the world was unpredictable and at times unyielding.*
Awwww! You know what this reminds me of, Zack and Cloud. I think Zack and Angeal were a lot a like. Can't really say the same for Cloud and Genesis. Zack says something like this to Cloud right before he dies :(
Okay, I think I'm a bit disoriented cause I skipped chapter 4. Lol, my fault! I'm such a bad reader.
*It's okay to want something for yourself, Angeal. I didn't raise you to take care of me; I raised you so that you could live a life of your own."*
This is very honorable of Gillian to do. Not all parents are like this, and some will selfishly keep their children from reaching their dreams because it would be more convenient to keep them close.
Oh yes, this is an interesting dilemma, getting from the Mideel continent to the one with Midgar. I'm going to have to come across this in my story as well. I suppose a blue or gold chocobo would work XD I'm guessing this isn't what you did :P
I'm about half-way through this chapter and you've done a really great job at keeping them in character here.
*Angeal smiled mischievously, pulling a small bronze key out of his pocket and unlocking the door. "Happy Birthday, Gen." The door swung open, and Genesis' shoulders sagged in amazement. It was a mere one hundred square feet, with barren white walls that were splotched with water damage and frayed green rugs that resembled vomit. There was a single round window on the far side, the sole source of light for the cabin. In spite of the poorly furbished surroundings, there was one beautiful blessing that made it all worthwhile.*
Awwww! Young love is so sweet _
*And indeed when morning came, the only rest Genesis had gained was between orgasms.*
Well assuming this story is not crack, I'll make a comment here. Orgasms implies I don't know, something like 3-5 to me, which I guess would be possible for a guy.
At this point I'm not quite sure why they're going to Gongaga instead of Midgar. Did I miss something?
Oh man, I hated those Grand Horns! They took forever to kill, and you had to get right behind their butt to do it -_-
Hmmmm, did they teach themselves how to fight with swords and materia? That seems a bit illogical. . . What's the point of training for SOLDIER if they already have all the abilities.
Awwwww! Angeal is a frog now :( I bet he makes a cute frog though o
*"Nope! People living here get turned into frogs when they're not careful! They just need a kiss, that's all."*
Lol! I actually laughed out loud here.
Hmmmm, Zack seems a little too friendly here. I'm sure Genesis and Angeal look a bit scary to an 10 year old kid. I have a hard time imagining him inviting them over to his house. A more plausible scenario might be that his mother wonders why he's out so long, and finds him talking to Angeal and Gen and then she invites them over.
*No evidence pointing to maniacal mass murderers.*
You mean like a basement complete with a torture chamber XD
*Angeal was in the middle of reading about the protagonist's attempt to combat a Chimera when he realized that young Zack Fair had fallen asleep in his oversized sweats and T-shirt, clinging to his side as though he was a teddy bear.*
Yeah, this is just a bit too friendly here as well. I work with lots of children, and they can be very friendly, but they usually have to know you a bit before they feel safe with you.
*"I wanna come with you! I wanna be strong and I join SOLDIER, like you guys!"*
Now this seems in character for Zack. I could see a young enthusiastic boy saying this.
Anyway, this was an amusing chapter Like I said before, you have an excellent way of drawing the reader in and then entertaining them. Your stories are always a pleasure to read! Looking forward to the next one!
| chibipinkbunny chapter 3 . 12/26/2010
Forgive me I'm still sick, so this review might be rather short :P I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter though! Their transformation from friends into lovers was not only believable but very sweet and heartfelt. You've managed to make this romance anything but sappy. They truly feel like soulmates. I feel bad now for reading Gen/Seph XD The part where they were in bed together and confessed their love for each other was very passionate and intense. Your story is quite engaging as well. It sort of draws you in ;)
Some specific things. . .
Hmmm, what age is Angeal here? I'm assuming he's either 13 or 14 here. What was his final height supposed to be? I'm assuming like 6'3" or something. He would probably be taller than 5'6" here. I was 5'11" at 14 and I'm pretty tall. Granted girls have their growth spurt earlier than guys, but I assume he would be taller than 5'6" here. Maybe 5'8"?
So another thing that bothered me slightly is that Genesis is quite a bit flamboyant. I mean he is a little bit that way, but several shades of eyeshadow? Hmmmmm. . . I do know that some guys wear eyeliner, but I'd never heard of eyeshadow, even for gay men. I felt a bit funny about the hair as well. I don't know. . . this is just my opinion.
*"You think you can lock me out, Angeal Hewley? Fine, just fine! My life does not revolve around you! In fact, I never wish to see you again! Whenever you grow your balls back, you can knock on my front door and beg for my forgiveness!"* I loved this line :D It just sounded so much like Genesis.
I thought the interaction between Seph, Gen, and Angeal was particularly amusing. Quite a few lines had me laughing out loud. :D Anyway, now I have chapter 5 and 6 to read before I'm caught up ;) Looking forward to more!
| AlexJ69 chapter 6 . 12/24/2010
Ok, I really did like this chapter, from the way Gen makes Geal shave, to snowballs flying. That was great.
Gen and Geal's fight was classic. I loved it so much. Angeal, you gotta be more careful with Gen's pride. Gen, I would tell you not to be so reckless...but it wouldn't matter.
And Gen may have been smiling when telling Angeal about what his parents did, but I have to wonder what he was really feeling.
Your fight scene was amazing. And I loved that the boys ended up working together to overcome their enemy. I'm just sad Geal got hurt. :( But they became hero's in Nibelheim. That was a nice touch.
But what really made this chapter stand out, to me anyway, was their birth files. I really like that you added that.
Another great chapter dear.
| AlexJ69 chapter 5 . 12/24/2010
I know I'm such a bad reviewer, I know. Sadly, what happens is that I will read a chapter, and promise myself that I will come back later to review, and...forget I promised myself.
However, I did adore this chapter. As I have already told you, your attention to detail has been an inspiration to me.
There was so much sweetness in here I felt myself gain five pounds. XD
The interaction with Gillian and the two boys was superb as always, and that alone brought the entire scene to life.
Ok, I will say it now, I love it when the only rest Genesis gets is between orgasms. But I think that's the perv in me. ;p
Frog!Angeal was too adorable and so was Gen's reaction. Way too cute. I cracked up. And lovely way to introduce Zack.
Overall, fantastic chapter.
Love and happy holidays
| Nephilim Rising chapter 6 . 11/13/2010
Finally have some time to read the chapter.
First off, thank you for updating, I was waiting for the chapter. :) ANd as always, you pulled it off excellently - excellent characterization of young Angeal and Genesis, great writing and plot. Overall, an enjoyment.
Now onto little details...
The scene with Gillian. Loved how Angeal and Genesis argued over who was worse. Made me smile. But my favorite must be Gillian's musings on her past mistakes. This is so far the BEST portrait of Gillian I'v ever seen. Too bad, she doesn't think that truth will be uncovered anyways, which it happens this way or another. And the truth, which was purposely concealed is what does the greatest damage.
But the way she acts, trying to forget the blames instead of dealing with them, is very very human, great job on that one.
LOL at Angeal taking pictures of Genesis. And this was priceless:
*The ability to cook and sew and do laundry is priceless in a handsome man."
"I can always teach you."
"Ah… It suits you better, I think.*
I love the humor in this story. XD And the little time together Angeal and Genesis had was hot. :)
Genesis observations of Nibelheim are quite spot on. Monster examination? Genesis sure has a lot of pride, bordering arrogance, which is very much in-character for him. And loved how you made Genesis' motivation in this incident not entirely selfless - to prove himself in front of Angeal surely is quite selfish. :)
Angeal's reaction is very in-character as well. the battle scene was exciting and the emotional reaction afterwards - deep and... hm, sweet. XD but this sentence stood out for me personally: *But even faith itself couldn't displace the fear Angeal felt as he ran a hand over Genesis' chest. He knew that the beat was as fragile as it was strong*
Guess, the last call was from Hollander. Your characterization of him is also very believable.
Another excellent chapter! Waiting for the next one. And hope there will be at least a glimpse of Sephiroth. XD
PS. A little constructive remark. I also agree with th previous reviewer about Cloud. Won't elaborate on it, since it's irrational to get redundant, but that detail stood out for me in an odd, rather implausible way. Feels wrong, I guess.
| Cookiecat chapter 6 . 11/13/2010
Just a short review, as I unfortunately don't have much time...
Your characterization is lovely as always, and your attention to detail is still breathtaking. I could pretty much repeat everything I said before.
However, allow me to add a two points of constructive criticism:
First, your story still suffers a bit from too much detail at times. It's not a bad thing by default, but it makes it hard to read. Even though I really like your story, I find it hard to keep myself from skipping, especially conversations and descriptions that don't add anything to the plot.
And second: Cloud. What exactly was the reason to bring Cloud into the story at this point? Of course it's a nice touch to include the entire cast, but it's far too early to have him there. Truth be told, I even thought it was too early for Zack in the last chapter.
The reason for that is very simple: timeline/age issues.
As you correctly pointed out, Angeal and Genesis are supposedly born in 1977. I bet you know that Zack was born in 1984 and Cloud in 1986. So how old does that make Cloud in that chapter? I don't remember how old Genesis is supposed to be here, but I guess around 16, so Cloud would be nine years younger (which makes him around 7).
This creates a couple of problems:
- Teenagers are normally not interested in someone that is nine years younger (even if that child is really clever, it's just not what they do...).
- Cloud talks much too grown up for his age. I also find him a tad too serious/mature here, but then again, it might be better than the overly childish version some authors present.
- maybe the biggest problem I have here: Cloud introducing Genesis to LOVELESS? Seriously?
Why would a seven-year-old read LOVELESS in the first place? It's not a children's story... Why would a teenager take 'literature advice' from from a child?
Nothing in all FF VII ever hints on the fact that Cloud loved reading, or that he liked LOVELESS. He surely wasn't a literature prodigy; if anything, I'd say Genesis was. By letting Cloud give him advice in that matter, you're almost 'belittling' his character (if we can correctly assume that Genesis was very much into literature - which is as good as canon in my opinion - he would have known about LOVELESS already, at least heard the name before. It was wildly popular after all...)
Sorry if I'm being to harsh here, but I just find it odd...
Other than that, it's still a great story with a lot of potential. Hope you continue :)
| Jevens chapter 6 . 11/10/2010
Oh man what a chapter, you seriously are an amazing writer.
I love how this story actually fits into the original storyline, and how you're including other characters in Genesis&Angeal's journey. Cloud introducing Genesis to Loveless? Genius! :) And I really liked how you didn't make him instantly fall in love with it after reading it for the first time. I can definitely relate to that, a lot of things don't seem all that appealing at first glance, but taking a closer look can change your prospective.
By the length of your chapters & the pace of the story I'm guessing this story's going to be pretty lengthy, and I'm all for that!
Epic & Awesome story you have here, can't wait to see what else you have in store for the pair!
| Malone chapter 6 . 11/10/2010
I really enjoyed the beginning of this chapter when Genesis and Angeal are scrapping over the phone - it was absolutely hilarious! I also like the pace of this story; it's moving fast enough but you put enough detail in that none of the story is lost (which is no easy feat!) I thought your introduction of Cloud was great (ditto to our meeting Zack in the last chapter) and Genesis's empathy was a clever device that made me feel that I understood both of the Cloud and Genesis a bit better. I'm anxiously awaiting the development of the storyline where Angeal and Genesis's heritage is concerned, and I COMPLETELY CANNOT WAIT UNTIL THEY START IN SOLDIER! I am sure that they will kick serious arse! A great chapter, keep up the good work :)
| TechNomaNcer28 chapter 6 . 11/10/2010
*dances* An updatttte!OMG!I was just getting all annoyed about having to go finish some homework,uni's so much work and then...WOW!This...I'll say,i could probably hug you now for writing out such an amaziiing chapter!huuhuuhuuh!_
Okay well...praises and praises keep coming to my mind but really...okay so first of all,i'm totally surprised by the way you put Cloud in there adding Genesis's emotions while he put himself in Cloud's shoes was just unexpected and a great idea!Oh so he finally got LOVELESS!Loved his reaction to that one!And they just had a fight,my god,and here Genesis was probably sure he'd never have a fight with Angeal of all people!Those parts were written out so well,their views,their thoughts and the way Genesis just ran out to get the monster!And Gillian?WOW,especially where the reports came from Shinra and Gen's mother's name not being there..cool!Perfect really!
*fangirl squeals* The tent scene...OMG!*dies in happiness*
Oh my it almost makes me want to try drawing out that scene too,hehhe,if i do i'll probably let you know!Oh and befor i forget with all those parts of our story fogging my hed...THANK YOU SO MUCH!You're being really nice,too nice infact,it makes me blush to death!heheh!I had so much fun drawing those two,i'm glad you liked it!*hugs*
Great update,lovely timing,and of course an amazing chapter!
| TechNomaNcer28 chapter 5 . 9/18/2010
HAhahha!no way,Zack's jsut so cheeky,well that's just like him!It was really nice,even with the fairy-tale-ish part turned to something like that!Loved it,their emotions are just amazing,love how beautifuly they're written!good work!i hope you update!_
| TechNomaNcer28 chapter 3 . 9/18/2010
Hahhahhaa,Sunburn?Seph's worried so much about it,wahhh,i can't take it anymore,*hugs and kills one of my pushies*!
Wow,i really liked how you put all of them together,having fun taht too!Angeal's increased responsibilty was sad but i'm glad Gillian's so understanding adn and and...Waaaaaaah!*flies in happiness*!They finally kissed,OMG,i didn't see t happening so beautifuly but you made me smile throughtout the day,i think i even slept smiling!(wierd)
| TechNomaNcer28 chapter 2 . 9/18/2010
Awww,Spephiroth's just too cute with that childlike attitude!_,i want to hug him!The birthday scene,that was pretty too and the way Gensis is around Gillian,it's really sweet and really shows how much he'd missed the parental affection!Oh his dad...*throws a chair at the man*,sorry he's just being unreasonable and selfish but i guess they wouldn't know how else to deal with that!
| TechNomaNcer28 chapter 1 . 9/18/2010
Wow,since their childhood,you've done really good,i loved this fic from the start,i mean so much details,the ideas,the style everything goes well together!And Angeal being all responsible and honorable is perfect,poor boy though!The way they met,oh wow,that was just too cute,i loved the library part,really shows how they're similar in some manner!The ending was rea nice!