|Reviews for The Oaklyn Tower|
| Lord Kelvin chapter 1 . 4/14/2010
When you have a typo in the summary, your head is on wrong.
Don't make typos in the summary. Ever. It's the epitome of carelessness and disrespect to the reader. Without them, your stay in FFN is void.
If I could put a label on the story, I'd pick 'messy'. You have some cliche scarecrow attempts, but they are pretty pale because your chapter is just too short to set an atmosphere. Cinema intros can scare you because the atmosphere is set immediately when the theatre lights go out. Numbers are to be written in words up to a hundred (a literary rule you didn't know, obviously), and some awkward punctuation just add up to the general picture.
I liked a few words you used. 'Milky eyes' is something I'd wish to see in my own writing, and if you don't mind, it'll be noted for the future.
What I would recommend for the future is not trusting the single word that much. Just writing 'terrifying' or 'quiver' doesn't cause a reaction. However, when they are in the big picture, that's when things start to work. Horror in text, yours being a classic third-person attempt, starts off slow. Don't go into cliches like orphanages or storms. No. These days it's best to aim for the psyche. Try to create the atmosphere of oddness. All seems okay on the outside, but you constantly add a detail that looks freaky in the context. Example: you are describing an old house. Flowers are painted on the wooden exterior walls. The pale blue paint was gently peeled off by sunshine, and if it weren't for a 'Die' written in red... et cetera. Unexpected things that suddenly change everything like a murderer does in a lavish mansion.
And leave the audience time to be acquainted with your style of writing. Don't jump into the plot from line one because at your current skill level, you will rush and jump too fast for us to catch. Since this is your first try, anything you try 'slow' will go at medium speed because you won't have Tolkien-sized slow in this story. Good for you, actually. Keep it at a healthy pace with narration, and thoughts. Thoughts of scared characters, especially when they go mad, are the bomb.
Bomb us with fear, not rushed writing.
Have a nice, abuse-free day.
| The-4-ninjas chapter 1 . 4/14/2010
*clap clap clap* great summary, great intro, great choice of characters, please continue!