|Reviews for Take Care of Her|
| Bonnie.H.Bonney24 chapter 7 . 8/13/2011
Hey just wanted to let u know I absolutely love this story and cant wait 2 see wat happens next I've read all of the chapters _ so well done on making such an awesome story for this brilliantly awesome movie
| Sparabella4ever chapter 7 . 4/18/2011
This was a good chapter, can't wait for the next one!:)
| Brian The Dog chapter 6 . 1/1/2011
Hello. Here's my review for your story. Please don't take anything I say the wrong way, if what I say upsets you I'm sorry, it's not my intent. My intent is to express my own feelings and to hopefully help.
I will review just chapter one for now, if you don't want me to review further just send me a PM and I will stop reviewing. But please do not flame me for the constructive criticism I will give you, I hope you will take the review in the spirit it is intended and that is to help.
This story is very predictable. It follows the Young Guns movie plot very closely, you have a woman that is 'in' with the boys and will no doubt ride and shoot with them. She comes across at first as a lady saying 'isn't not ain't' and correcting one of the boys, which is correct if she is 'related' to John but then you instantly dismiss this upbringing by having her fight quite heatedly with the boys. Even though Steve is very rough, I doubt he would have been quite so crass to a woman who was respectable. And speaking of respectable, no respectable woman would dress as a man at this time, they would be considered a freak. If you read up on people like say Calamity Jane, she was a complete outcast because of the way she dressed. John is a respectable man, I doubt he would allow any woman in his keeping to dress in such an outlandish way.
"the man with the short hair exclaimed" Even though you have said Dick has short hair this is still a little stunted. Several of the men including John, Dick and Steve have short hair. You later tell us again this is Dick, but it's a confusing statement.
Why is Charlotte called 'Faith' as a nickname? You give us no idea about this and it's very confusing. She says it's just like William likes being called Billy, but Faith is not a shortening of Charlotte, Billy is a shortening of William. It's confusing to use two names that have no connection to each other. If you want to give her the nickname of Faith give us some backstory, perhaps something happened in her past for her to be christened with such a nickname? Otherwise it really makes very little sense. If the only reason she likes to be called Faith is that her real name is too long then it would have been shortened to something like Lotte or Becca.
The banter between Billy and Faith is a little too childish. I know Billy can be immature, but to speak like this back and forth is playground teasing. If they have a push/pull relationship going on then it needs to be explored in depth. For one thing Faith knows nothing of Billy, he is a complete stranger and although she is surrounded by friends and her Uncle, she would not be found alone with any of them (apart from John) unless they were basically like kin, so be careful how you handle their meetings. John would not want her reputation to be tarnished by having her run around with men alone. John is quite a rich man, if Faith was poor this standing might be different but because she comes from a good household she and John would want to protect her reputation. She also would not wash with the boys, she would most likely wash in her own room in private but that is a little nit picky.
The characters are somewhat in character although as I said before I don't think any of the boys would be quite as disrespectful to a young woman who is 'related' to their boss.
Faith is seeming to be a Mary-sue, but I will reserve that judgement for the next few chapters. Also your uncertainty of ages is a little off putting, "A young man about seventeen or eighteen" unless this is Faith looking at him and thinking he could be either age this comes across badly to the reader that the writer is unsure of ages and therefore unsure of what they are writing. You do the same for Doc, Doc is meant to be in his early to mid twenties in this, so around twenty three, to say he's in his teens is hinting he is close in age to Billy and they were all meant to be older than Billy, this is the reason they tease him so much in the beginning.
i.e: "Billy was running away from some people and John offered him a room to stay at in his home with the rest of the Regulators."
Some people? What people is he running from? Again if this isn't Faith's thoughts you need to explain to the reader what's going on. Why is he on the run, who from, why has John let him stay? If this is Faith's thoughts then it's more understandable that she'd know little but you would have to have John say something about it before you go into what she's thinking.
Lastly the descriptions you give us about any of the people so far is very brief, it needs a little more adding to this so the reader can dig in a little further to the story.
You use next to no descriptions for the surroundings or what the charcters are doing. It's mainly all dialogue
Now onto the good aspects.
Your spelling and grammar are superb as is your layout. The text is clear and readable. Although the plot you are using is very overused, you do have a good eye for adding nice little scenes into the story that are new. If you expanded on this and added more scenes of your own thinking I think you could come out with a very nice fanfic that would not only be different but very well written if you put the effort in. Sticking too closely to the story can cause the reader to bore of reading the same thing again and again, if you read a few stories in this section you'll see quite a few that are similar to yours. If you take that step to think of something new and exciting, which I do think you have the talent for, I think you will write a wonderful story.
Carry on writing and revealing your talent, I'm sure you'll go far if you have the will and this is a very good start for a young writer.
All the best,
| SunlitMercy chapter 6 . 12/28/2010
I'm glad you updated this! I wonder what's going to happen with that John man...haha oh Billy..great job with this chapter! :D
| LauRa-ReaDinG-XoX chapter 6 . 12/27/2010
Great chapter, wish it was longer. Who's John Roberts? Update soon
| LauRa-ReaDinG-XoX chapter 1 . 12/6/2010
Please update soon. love it
| Remus san chapter 5 . 11/11/2010
Yay!New chapter!I loved this one!So funny!
| KaseyYKasey chapter 4 . 9/18/2010
good story...chavez needs some love though...keep going
| secondchance123 chapter 4 . 8/22/2010
that was great, can't wait to read the next chapter. I love your character arrangment :D
| Remus san chapter 4 . 8/15/2010
Please continue this story!I love it!
| cheshirekadi chapter 4 . 8/13/2010
this is a wonderful story i really enjoy it and i hope you continue with it
| southernvampirepirate chapter 4 . 8/6/2010
I love it! update soon! :)
| Animefouryou chapter 4 . 8/5/2010
billy doesn't realize it now but he's falling in love he will though add more want to read more thanks
| HermioneandMarcus chapter 4 . 8/3/2010
excellent chapter update and i can not wait to read more of it as soon as you can write it please and thank you
| anon chapter 3 . 7/10/2010
This is really good, please update.