|Reviews for Who said it is illegal?|
| MysticalNyla chapter 7 . 11/17/2013
| kittkat91 chapter 7 . 9/30/2013
Love your story so far. Looking forward to your next update!
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/3/2013
next chap please
| MomoPeachFlower chapter 7 . 5/3/2013
get the rest up soon
| forever122 chapter 7 . 5/3/2013
Keep it up! Karin should hurt Toshiro if need be. It would be super funny.
| JacquelineGraye chapter 7 . 5/2/2013
Hey I love it! It's amazing! I like the bit of humor you put in there I can't make a joke to save my life, you are talented, bravo!
| Yemi Hikari chapter 7 . 5/2/2013
The third chapter is about Karin training with her father, which seems rather quick. Fourth chapter then jumps to her thinking about soccer and at the end yelling that someone is supposed to be dead. In those two chapters there is nothing about her feelings about being a shinigami and such. You really need to learn to pace your writing out more. Fifth chapter I find myself having to ask why Karin and her father are moving without Yuzu. You also break the rules for the illness you made up for Karin. Chapter six jumps to Toshiro's point of view. (That's not proper writing etiquette, jumping to another persons point of view after going for so long in another persons). Karin's also way to much like a robot personality wise. Last chapter... can't make heads or tails of it and your story is honestly all over the place.
P.S. I'm guessing from your profile that you are a young writer, so don't take my reviews as a death sentence for your writing. The mistakes you've made are the kind I expect of young writers who don't have the tools to plan out their stories when they start. For your next story...
1. Come up with a beginning, middle and end.
2. Outline and jot down as many notes as possible.
3. Try using chapter outlines.
Believe me... not only do these help make the stories better then not planning them out, it also helps prevent writers block, having your story planned out that is. Anyways, good luck. Look forward to seeing how you grow as a writer. :D
| Yemi Hikari chapter 2 . 5/2/2013
Ouch... there is another one. “the doctor said before walking out of the doctor”. I'm quite sure you meant door there. You should perhaps consider a Beta who can catch this kind of stuff for you before you post or at least double check. You also seem to be over doing it with the long line of periods. And then there is this.
"He said that your brain won't function right if your anger gets to strong. When I get very angry, you won't be able to control your anger, instead your anger will keep exploding out. When your anger gets out of control, your head will have pain and you'll pass out. When you wake up, there is a chance you'll forget what happened. You'll forget everything that happened in your past life, everything."
Please for goodness sake look up the concept Willing Suspense of Disbelief. That is hands down the most unbelievable illness I've heard about. Actually, considering the whole thing with the six bedroom house and moving you threw out in the last chapter I'm going to say you've got a bad habit of throwing out some random stuff that honestly doesn't make any sense beyond you threw it into the story because you could, not because you actually had a good reason to. Break yourself of this bad writing habit.
You're probably wondering why I'm reading your story about now. The summary honestly perked my interest and I'm honestly interested to see where you've gone so far with what you've written. I'm going to try holding off from reviewing until I get to the last chapter, but I honestly can't guarantee I'll be able to hold my tongue. It doesn't matter if I really like a story, if I see an issue I'm going to point it out.
| Yemi Hikari chapter 1 . 5/2/2013
I believe you meant “useless”, not “unless in the first paragraph. The Kurosaki family moving honestly makes no sense at all and they don't need a bigger house with six bedrooms. Honestly not a good start to your story, but I'll continue reading.
| JacquelineGraye chapter 6 . 4/22/2013
Update damn it!
| Guest chapter 6 . 11/27/2012
| forever122 chapter 6 . 11/15/2012
Please continue this is a great story
| XOhitsukarinxo chapter 6 . 9/10/2012
please dont stop writting i really love ur stories
| TheAnimeZankyou chapter 6 . 8/31/2012
| Guest chapter 6 . 8/28/2012
please dont stop writing the stories