|Reviews for The Enemy Inside|
| Dovchek chapter 24 . 9/28/2011
I've just found your story and felt compelled to review. While you do have rudimentary talent, I see your writing as a rather ambitious effort. Time well spent on finding interesting things to say rather than interesting ways to say them would suit this story well. Meaning, your phrasing borders purple at times and is often repetitive in your variations. Don't sacrifice your story to overuse of melodic prose. Only the best writers have been able to pull this off. And even then the examples are few and far between. Focus on the meat of your story: make characters less predictable, ensure the story has direction and does not turn into a dragged out project that ends up falling flat. As stated previous, the potential is there.
Good luck. I'll keep reading in hopes it gets better.
P.S. Being new to the story, the five month wait did not affect me regarding the latest chapter. However, if I may offer some advice, to avoid future delays you might want to consider avoiding side projects. Too many novice authors, particularly of fan fiction, overextend themselves with multiple, concurrent stories or other related interests (such as with your writing for Nathaniel RP). This is not only a disservice to your readers but a certain degree of disrespect as well. Life, writer's block, not properly plotting out your story beforehand are much more valid reasons for keeping a reader waiting five months as opposed to doing more desirable writing. Just food for thought.
| Jenna53 chapter 24 . 9/27/2011
A strangely satisfying chapter. I'm always happy to see Zev turn up. Thanks.
| Kira Kyuu chapter 24 . 9/26/2011
Thanks for the update! (About time too, ya silly butt!)
| mille libri chapter 24 . 9/26/2011
Yay, update! And a lovely one, too; Fergus torn between big brother and old friend and Elizabeth trying to be strong on her own. Glad to see this story back!
| helena80 chapter 24 . 9/26/2011
Heh, I knew this was not abandoned. I love your Zevran, thx!
| Shakespira chapter 24 . 9/25/2011
Wonderful to see an update! The meeting between Fergus and Nathaniel was very well executed and the hinted history was wonderful. "Rivals as children, enemies as men..." brilliant phrasing.
And this: ..."Too many men had made decisions for her in the past under the pretense of what was in her best interest. Her father allowed Duncan to conscript her. Alistair took the final blow. And now, Fergus wished to solve what he dubbed her Howe problem." A concise and perfect look into why Elizabeth is determined to walk her own path.
The moments with Zev were bittersweet and you've captured the man beneath the veneer beautifully. I'm glad she was able to apologize and glad that Zev allowed it.
| Sagacious Rage chapter 24 . 9/25/2011
Yaaayyyyyy update! And have I told you lately how much I love the way you write Zevran? I was so excited to see him in this chapter!
| millahnna chapter 24 . 9/25/2011
I thought the writing for Nathaniel at WV seemed familiar. Love finding out that it's you. I don't have a character there; I started to write one but ran out of steam when RL reared it's ugly head. But I keep up with some of the RPs there when I can. Glad to see you're back. I've reread this about 20 kajillion times since the last update.
I loved the scene with Fergus and Nathaniel; that hints of their past friendship came out even as they were sort of arguing. Good times.
| lilach chapter 24 . 9/25/2011
at last! been waiting for this for a long time. thank you.
| Ygrain33 chapter 24 . 9/24/2011
...And I was worried about a couple of week's delay of my own :-) I was wondering if you were going to finish this at all ;-))
- Anyway. It's good to see some, uhm, more normal relations in the Howe-Cousland-Cousland triangle. Lol, the punch was screaming from afar!
| Zute chapter 24 . 9/24/2011
Oh yay! I was so afraid this story would go unfinished and it really, really shouldn't. Keep at it! I beg you.
I love the angst between Fergus and Nate. It's wonderful.
| xogs chapter 24 . 9/24/2011
Eeeeeeee! So glad you updated! Wonderful chapter, as always. Love Zevran popping up.
| cloud1004 chapter 24 . 9/24/2011
I was simply overjoyed to get this update. Fergus and Nathaniel's talk was nicely done. It had all the tension and emotions one would expect considering the circumstances. The Couslands really are a stubborn lot, but Nathaniel is no better. I can't wait to see how this all plays out.
| misswayne chapter 23 . 8/20/2011
The story is AMAZING! Really! I love your description of the events, characters and emotions. And this story is one of the best I'd read. But it ended on the most interesting moment! I'm looking forward for new chapters since spring. Please, continue your story, I beg you.
| anesor chapter 23 . 8/3/2011
okay, I pulled an all-nighter, switching from Deviant Art to here, and it stops on a cliff-hanger? (poke, poke) Finish the story. Five months is a bit long since your last update, and by the review count I doubt I'm the only one to wonder how you'll pull it together.
If a reader frothing at the mouth means anything, please accept I love the story and really hope you'll finish it.