Reviews for My take
thesilentspy chapter 1 . 8/26/2011
Nice. I like it. I could see how it would hard to face him, to a person who physically and mentally abused you. I like the idea. One thing I want to ask though. What did he teach her? While I do see his impact on her life, driving her to suicide, I can't see what lesson he taught her. What did she gain from their encounter? Also, it would have been nice to see how he changed, since he did apologize at the end. What made him get better or feel regret? What redeeming things or qualities did he have to get heaven in the first place? Other than that, no complaints.
Briarpaw chapter 1 . 5/15/2011
Once there was a young girl. She had a perfect life. She loved her

family, her friends and her pet dog. She got good grades and was on countless

sports teams.

She was loved by everyone and absolutley nothing was wrong with her.

However, one night, she was walking home. She was walking through a


When her parents woke up the next day, she wasn't in her bed. They

went down to the cemetary where they found her dead body. The doctors found no

source of death.

If you copy and paste this to 10 other story reveiws, the one you love

will kiss you and when you grow old enough, they will marry you and have many


If you don't within three days, you'll both die a painful death by the

hand of that girl.
lizardsraccoon chapter 1 . 11/22/2010
Avocado Face chapter 1 . 11/16/2010
I met Raoul Moat
JumpingOverMountains chapter 1 . 10/15/2010
Hi, Smallbful! It's JOM! My computer is finally letting me review.

This is amazing! A***, no question. I love people who spell etcetera right :D This is very thought provoking (which is what my teacher said about mine), and it sounds so professional! Can you give me some tips? :)
danielle chapter 1 . 5/24/2010
really good idea. work on the writing. the grammar gets in the way. your past tense is very awkward. its like a mixture of present/past tense like it can't decide what to be. i also think you could strengthen your piece with less chatter from the character and more images. maybe images of the abuse or the aftermath. and then images of forgiveness. "show don't tell" the images might bump up your rating to T instead of K, but it is well worth it because this story you are telling is not a K story to begin with.