|Reviews for A Brother Lost and Found|
| Make war not love. war is fun chapter 5 . 2/27
cool story so far but poor heero
| serryblack1 chapter 5 . 7/21/2013
I vote threesome of heero / zechs/harry as a couple
| CrowNoYami chapter 5 . 2/8/2013
Maybe a threesome?
| BookWorm230 chapter 5 . 4/25/2012
can't wait for the next chapter :)
| 10thWeasley chapter 5 . 3/9/2012
This is a great story, I hope you update it soon!
| noirekitsune chapter 5 . 3/2/2012
this is definitly interesting!
but it seems almost liek harry is using zechs for children, does he also feel attraction and love? will he go back to heero after having kids? or will he have both? (personally im voting for the threesome! )
i hope to see more soon!
| Asherit chapter 5 . 12/28/2011
I'm sad for Heero, but trully happy for Harry and Zechs
| Asherit chapter 1 . 12/28/2011
| hpslashrules chapter 5 . 11/3/2011
Keep going please!
| Shadow Lighthawk chapter 5 . 5/21/2011
I want to like this story, I really do. I have an absurd love of HP/GW crossovers and I think the dynamics are interesting when Harry is related to one of the more stoic, less expressive pilots. You've also tackled the idea of problems between the pilots, which is gutsy, difficult, and rarely done. Most people write the pilots as a solid unit, tightly bonded by their training and experiences. And I generally prefer that, to be honest, but any group of such strong personalities is going to have conflicts, and I'm always intrigued by how those develop and are resolved in the context of the pilots' shared experiences.
Unfortunately, the story is inconsistent and confusing and the pilots are wildly out of character. Now, before you tell me that it's an AU and post-series besides, I know. Believe me, I know. I expect a certain amount of OOC from any GW/HP crossover; I even like it. It's kind of fun to explore. My problem with your characters is that there is barely a nod to their canon selves and the characterizations are internally inconsistent.
The worst case of this, to my mind, is Heero. You say he and Duo didn't work out. That's an interesting step to take - I can see how that might come about. People say Heero is 'anti-social' in the popularly used sense of the word, which usually boils down to introverted or impatient with people. Heero is anti-social in the true sense of the word. If you go with the worst interpretation of his training and early childhood, he's emotionally stunted, trained to give 'the mission' overwhelming importance and socially incompetent. Even if you go with the *best* interpretation (and I'm not sure there is a 'best'), Heero is emotionally damaged and socially inept. There's no getting around the poor socialization; Heero was essentially an assassin's apprentice and then Dr. J's human lab rat.
Given all of that, I have no problem, absolutely none, believing that Heero missed Relena trying to drive a wedge between him and Duo and, presumably, her several attempts to seduce him. Here's what I can't believe: Duo, one of the most crafty and persistent characters on the show, not being able to throw a wrench into Relena's plans or, alternately, sitting Heero down and explaining it to him. Heero might not get it, emotionally, but he's good at logic and at following instructions. And even if Duo didn't, why didn't one of the others - Quatre, perhaps - have a word with Heero? They had to see that there were problems. I also can't believe that Duo would give up on something he wanted. He had to have known going in that Heero was an uncommunicative, emotionally-constipated workaholic. They fought two wars together; Heero's personality would not have been a surprise.
One of the biggest problems I had with this story was the reactions Heero and Duo had to their break-up. Duo was "heartbroken" and on the verge of suicide? He ran away for a year? Was there even enough time for the Duo and Heero to finish the Mariemaia conflict, have a relationship long enough to be considered serious, have several fights about Relena and then for Duo to be away for a year, plus the time since he came back? They were 15 when Operation Meteor kicked off. That war took at least a year or two, then there was Mariemaia, and the pilots are, what, 18 or 19 now? And suicidal? Duo lived through a war on the front lines, torture at the hands of his enemies and a childhood as an L2 orphan. Not only do I think "suicidal" is way overused in fic when being upset or emotionally wounded or even depressed would be more realistic, I can't believe that simply breaking up with Heero Yuy was enough to push him over that edge. No one even died! There was still every chance to try again.
As hard a time as I had believing Duo's reaction to their break-up, Heero's was harder to buy. You tell us that Heero was hurt by the break-up, and I can buy that. It is the prerogative of fan authors to thaw Heero out and give him some emotions at last. But then he became a "player." My WTF meter went all the way into the red. For one thing, Heero has all the makings of a classic workaholic. If you did indeed give him emotions and he was, therefore, hurt by breaking up with Duo, I imagine him burying that emotional pain in yet more work. Maybe not with Relena - I think even Heero would be able to comprehend the causal link between her and his break-up with Duo - but at Preventers or with computer programming. Instead you have him out having one-night stands. There are a number of issues with this. First, I don't think Heero is capable of it. As hot as I'm sure he is, seduction takes a certain amount of people skills. There are plenty of gorgeous guys out there; no one wants to sleep with a jerk. Second, you tell us that Heero is ashamed of his behavior. He keeps it a secret from most of the other pilots; Trowa considers that the only redeeming feature of Heero's new lifestyle. I might have thought Heero keeping his sleeping around a secret was to spare Duo's feelings, except Duo *wasn't there* when he started doing it, and I don't think Heero is that sensitive. If he was, somehow, managing to get laid - which I still don't buy - I don't think he would really give a damn how the other pilots felt about it. Wouldn't it be more likely that he would think it was none of their business and that his private life had no impact on their lives? Is Heero emotionally and socially astute enough to think they would care?
I also get the feeling that you're using Heero's new lifestyle as a way to stigmatize him. It feels like you're trying to contrive a way for him to be a "villain." I don't know if you did that just to create conflict, or if you wanted something for Trowa to protect Harry from or if that was just a way to get Zechs into the picture. Whatever the reason, it just doesn't scan.
I'm also having trouble believing that Heero's relationship troubles with Duo and Relena were closely covered in the tabloids - close enough that Harry was able to discern the truth of the situation - but Heero's one-night stands somehow remained a secret. Either the pilots live in a publicity fishbowl - maybe, but I don't really buy it - or the press don't care that much unless one of them does something noteworthy, and the pilots are good enough at stealth to avoid any press they don't want. For me, I just don't see the press caring about the pilots enough to hound them the way they would have had to for Harry to get the information he did.
I *do* like that the addition of Harry altered the Gundam Wing dynamics significantly. That's certainly interesting. A rivalry between Heero and Zechs for Harry's affections could have been really intriguing as well. You could have developed a couple of different themes with it by setting Heero - maybe just starting to realize his emotions, a muggle, closer to Harry's age and a strictly utilitarian kind of guy - against Zechs - mature, older, magical, and used to the finer things in life. Especially with a muggle suitor versus a magical one, you could explore Harry's relationship with the magical world and with his own power. That's just what comes right to mind; I'm sure there are other interesting ways to develop the situation.
That brings me to Harry. Heero isn't the only character that I found inconsistent; Harry is just as much of a puzzle. I know he's going to be OOC; it's a given, considering how AU his part of the story is, even without the crossover. That's just fine - I love independent!Harry. I also like some Dumbledore/Weasley bashing. But your Harry is frankly bizarre. He comes to Preventers HQ where surprise! he's got a brother. He accepts this new family member with absolutely no problem. Then he kisses Heero within an hour of meeting him, despite not knowing anything about him and despite having just been betrayed horribly a few weeks ago by his closest friends. Despite his attraction to Heero, the moment Zechs comes along, Harry (who apparently wasn't even sure he liked guys) drops Heero like a rock and decides that not only will he take up with Zechs (who he *literally* just met and knows *nothing* about), he's going to marry the guy and have kids with him! What's worse, he's going to marry the guy *because* he can have kids with him. That's an absolutely terrible reason to marry someone! Since when did Harry care about carrying on the bloodline? Why would Harry, Muggle-raised and not at all invested in the Wizarding World's culture, give a sweet goddamn about having heirs of his blood? Why would he care about how powerful the child would be? For that matter, this is fanfic. Couldn't Harry adopt a child with a bloodline ritual or something similar? And though Harry has known him for all of two days or less, Harry will "never forget" Heero and despite his plans with Zechs Harry finds it perfectly okay to get off or at least have a heavy snogging session with Heero. Harry is also planning to maybe "open his arms" to Heero in the future? What? The whole thing just makes my head spin.
I'm especially stuck on this "marriage for magical compatibility and therefore children" thing. So much for free will and choosing for yourself.
I know this is a lengthy and detailed criticism, but I want so badly for this story to fulfill the oodles of potential that I know it has. It sounds harsh, but I'm offering this critique in the spirit of helping you be a better writer. Writing-wise, I think you should tear the story apart, decide where you're going with it and map all the characters so that they become fully-fleshed and make sense. Your creativity is great, but you need to direct it more clearly. I also think you should find a beta, someone who can point it out when the story isn't making sense outside your head. You have a lot of potential and I hope this critique helps you become a better writer.
| domsijohn chapter 5 . 4/22/2011
god i love it make it a threesome
| domsijohn chapter 4 . 4/22/2011
oh poor duo want more
| domsijohn chapter 2 . 4/22/2011
i hope he gets everything back
| domsijohn chapter 1 . 4/22/2011
good harry saved
| domsijohn chapter 3 . 4/22/2011
god the is sweet love it