|Reviews for A Promise is a Promise|
| kazuko59 chapter 1 . 5/26/2010
i think your story is really nice~ though there r some grammar mistakes, but hey.. u have a great idea here~
| Izzu chapter 1 . 5/7/2010
I never notice there was anyone else posting here ahahahaha my monopoly kinda flawed... *cough*
Anyway, I have to say it's a good try, though with the narration being a bit inconsistent- it kinda hard to read and understand this plot fully. Though I can at least understand the basic story.
First thing, formatting. It's better if you can have the formating on the header to be neat. You can either follow my formatting or from other authors here on how they write their headers. Posting on FF and in LJ is different after all. And don't bold your entire passage... it makes it hard to read.
I don't claim to be that good in grammar, but I do notice that there are plenty of mistakes here in terms of punctuations, grammar, typoes as well as similar sounding words that didn't actually fit the narration. And some of the Japanese lines were better off being written in English, since this fic was in English. I actually don't mind some if the whole sentence was writen in Japanese romaji and in proper spelling, just don't mix two languages in one sentence. And some of the sentence structure sounded weird, and you really have no need to tell when Yume was acting as himself or as Sakisaka unless it was from his POV.
... umm... I'm getting longish. Anyway, if you want... I don't mind proofreading this for you or any other future fic. Since there's a lot of mistakes here I can't actually nitpick on all of them. Since it's been a while since I did any betaworks.