|Reviews for Four Pirates and a Little Lady?|
| Supergoddad chapter 11 . 11/14/2016
That was extremely fun!
Thanks for the great time I had!
I'll see you around!
| Magus1108 chapter 11 . 5/12/2016
This was very good and fun to read! Rachel was an interesting character herself, and it was interesting to see her interact with the Lagoon crew.
| TheDandyman chapter 11 . 10/7/2015
Oh, and you have this palpable hatred for North Korea. It needs toning down.
| TheDandyman chapter 11 . 10/7/2015
While the plot line was good, and the writing was good, this story had some major problems. First off, everyone was OoC. Revy shot her own father and acted way to normal around Rachel. Rachel, acted like she could get away with anything, like pissing off her big sis, which I already mentioned committed patricide, without any fear. Rachel had OC godmode turned on, only letting her get injured at the end and having everyone fawn over her. You have potential, but the improperly portrayed characters and the godmode OC made it very hard to finish. If you keep at it, you might make something of yourself, but you must be mindful of your faults in order to improve upon them. Good luck and keep writing.
| Grymloq chapter 3 . 5/2/2015
I meant to put my previous review for this chapter, rather than chapter 4. Also, ignore what I said about Revy's surname. Brain fart.
| Grymloq chapter 4 . 5/2/2015
There are two problems here: One, Revy's father is very, extremely dead (Revy killed him herself), and two, Revy's surname is Lee.
| Zero-Tails317 chapter 11 . 10/5/2014
Ha! Man this story while very OC is funny as hell.
| LoveGlutton chapter 1 . 6/4/2014
2 sisters both of them wet for rock
| pirate1998 chapter 11 . 5/14/2014
Great story. I was scared to think what Revy would do if someone killed her little sister. This story needs a seaquill.
| erica.phoenix16 chapter 11 . 2/19/2014
What a nice throwback to the original anime. :)
| unkeptsecret chapter 11 . 12/20/2011
To be frank, this story frustrated me.
Here's why: some parts are really good. The arc of the story flows well, the action scenes kick butt, and the writing is splendidly crafted... at times.
And it's that 'at times' part that frustrates me. I feel like you have a good story, but you stopped short of making it great. There are definite moments where you seemed to phone it in. These lows knee-cap the story.
Why, out of all the Chinese surnames in the world, did you pick Chang and then absolutely fail to capitalize on the potentially cool implications of relating Revy and Rachel to Mr. Chang?
Why show Balalaika as a total bad a$$ at moments (as you wrote 'a shark with a high IQ') and opt to make her weak enough to be arrested under false pretenses by some Roanapur start-ups?
Why craft Boris to be a brilliant linguist and a brave solider and then showcase him as a big dummy who runs off to the Lagoon company at the first sign of real trouble for simple help with calling a dang lawyer?
Why stitch together lovingly described action sequences and then cheat the characters out of their moments with cheap interstices of internal monologue?
I know that fanfic is a hobbyist's pursuit and that, by ffnet standards, this is good stuff. However, I can't shake that you seem capable of more. I think that you took the easy road by shoe-horning plot points into the chapters at the cost of characterization.
Sorry to be harsh, but there it is.
| unkeptsecret chapter 3 . 12/19/2011
Okay! I'm still here which means you still have my attention. So far, so good!
The xkcd reference was a bit forced but still funny. I mark it as a net neutral detail, especially because Rachel's internet scheming is MUCH funnier if we set her in 1995 instead of the 2009, when that particular web comic went up.
Balalaika's real name is Sofiya, not Vladilena. She gave the latter as a decoy name while in Japan, and Wikipedia mistook it for her real name. The light novel clarifies that Sofiya is her true, given name.
Balalaika as "the de facto head of the criminal underworld in Roanapur"? Uh oh. Does Mr. Chang know about this?
And speaking of Mr. Chang, when are you going to address why Revy has his last name?
| unkeptsecret chapter 1 . 12/19/2011
I put off reading this because I hate OCs that much. But so far, it's fun.
You have a problem with using dashes too much, and ffnet has a way of deleting out dashes that drives me up a wall with frustration. I have the same problem and am trying to cut back on the dashes. Go for the short, athletic sentences instead. Very Hemingway, and it suits BL.
Secondly, on what planet woudl Revy ever say "Will you excuse us, please?"
C'mon! You are killing me, Techno.
| Acronymous chapter 11 . 8/12/2011
A nice story with an interesting OC. I don't agree with cutting rock out of the story but that's just because I like how he is quite baddass and maybe would have played a nice part
Still its nice and fun.
| Greatkingrat88 chapter 10 . 4/22/2011
This has been quite an enjoyable read. While I was a little fearful that Rachel might turn out to be a Sue, you neatly avoided that problem- she DOES pull off a few improbable stunts for a thirteen-year old, but that's nothing the willing suspension of disbelief won't cover.
I look forward to the next chapter.