Reviews for Return of the Yellow Dragon: Part I
Shizuko Naruzuki chapter 33 . 3/21
I really love this story! Ah, all these surprises and heart-melting moments never cease to amaze me author-san! Please continue writing this wonderful story! Not only me, but the rest of your fans will be cheering on for you! Good Luck! and Keep Going!
MercuryMoon chapter 34 . 11/7/2014
I know you were worried about how Hikari's feelings came across, but I think you nailed it. Her numbness and how she keeps punishing herself was spot on and exactly what I think anyone would do if they had to witness (and take part in) what Hikari had to. The hopelessness of everything just.. seeps through your writing. I love it. It was done so beautifully.

Also. That was so awful that Hikari's time came right after such a traumatic event. I feel so bad. Just want to cuddle her until she feels better! ;o;

I wanted to copy and paste my favorite parts for you but ahhhh. That doesn't seem to work anymore. D: Anyway, it was when she was walking in silence and just punishing herself again and again. And then how she's unaware of Nyan Nyan just.. faithfully following her. Letting her come out of her stupor whenever she's ready. I love how mature and caring Nyan Nyan is being about the whole situation.

I also like how you say her "Hikari's cowardice, or bravado." Too often are they... the same. So good job there! Especially in this situation!

GOOD LUCK ON NANOWRIMO LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT UPDATE AHHHHHHHHH.

Please make it soon.
MercuryMoon chapter 33 . 6/26/2013
I'm not really sure what to say about this chapter. I think it's just too emotional. So much stuff going on. It's amazing though. This is definitely one of your best chapters so far. I feel like a lot of what I want to say is something I need to actually discuss with you instead of through a one-sided review.

I definitely cried a few times in this chapter though. I was almost tempted to make my whole review be T_T, but I didn't think you'd be very happy with that. XD

Anyway, I... think you did a really good job with the way the different characters handle grief. It felt so.. poignant.

The interlude with Keisuke and Nakago was much needed. It helped getting through the rest of the chapter easier. But Yui... oh, poor Yui. The chapter is aptly named.

Now update soon! :DD I can't wait to read what happens!
MercuryMoon chapter 32 . 6/26/2013
Thank you for admitting Hikari's failure to gather the Shinzaho. And then for putting more good news into the story! Eee. Help is coming, Hikari! Or rather, some help has already come, the rest is on its way! I like how you feature all the different sides, even if it does make the chapters lengthy. But all the information and the way you string your words together really makes it worth it. And now Hikari knows what to do in order to find the Shinzaho! I feel like the rest of the story will come a lot faster now. Or the pacing. You know what I mean. I think.

I just realized what is so weird about Hikari being the Shinzaho though. The Shinzaho is supposed to be something that the Priestess carries when she summons the Beast God. But... for Hikari to be the Shinzaho, wouldn't she have to at least been conceived before the ceremony? Which would make Miaka not a virgin? I know it's kind of slid away as her being the product of Miaka and Taka's love, but... It's just all weird and jumbly and blah. Not a satisfactory explanation to me. It doesn't matter too much though, since if she weren't the Shinzaho, then we wouldn't have this story.

And their confrontation with the Black Dragon. That was so Taka.

Also, I can't believe I didn't notice this until now, but if you want to be correct, it should actually be "kowaineesan," not "kowaiineesan." Kowai is "scary," "kowaii"... I'm not really sure.

The reunion scene though was just adorable. And giggly. I definitely think you've done a great job making these most recent chapters a central part of the story. It feels like you wrote everything so effortlessly, too.

...

And did you just do what I think you did. D: Oh my gosh. Noooooo.

...Although the way you executed it was. alskdfjalkjdfla I want your writing skills!

Oh oh! And I'm super excited to see what you make of the reincarnations of the Byakko seishi. Especially Tatara! :D I want to see what he does with the Shinzaho of Byakko! I am kind of.. amused by what we've both done here. I can see some parallels between your story and mine. Small ones, but they're there. And I mean the Tenkyoku one, although the fact that we both have an Anzu still makes me laugh.

And eeee. Aoi Jiyuu, Shiroi Nozomi! :D I can't wait for that to come out. I can't quite figure out how to do the aaaas. orz I was trying them a few days ago and I kept getting confused. XD;; I'll give it another shot soon though.
MercuryMoon chapter 31 . 6/26/2013
A LIGHT. A SHINING LIGHT OF HOPE. YES. FINALLY SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS.

But now a lot of stuff makes sense.

Yay for Boushin and Miaka!

Aaaah. All your characters are rounded out, even the minor ones! Which is awesome! I'm really curious about this blind girl. She really seems to be not-good-for-the-good-side. That or she's secretly someone on the good side who's pretending to be evil! Which doesn't really work because they all seem to be one part of the same beast. Even if they say they're servants. But the way they're acting.

I'm not really sure what to say about this chapter, only that I thoroughly enjoyed every part of it. My favorite part though was at the end, where you really built up the tension. My head's just full of everything that's going on. XDD Sorry about the short review.

But man. What you pulled off here. Eee. And in the reveal at the last chapter, too. If this is just midpoint, I can't wait to read the climax. XD It sort of feels like a climax here, so if you can amp it up even more for the actual climax... I applaud you.
MercuryMoon chapter 30 . 6/26/2013
I remember it took me a while to get through this chapter before because it promised so many depressing things. Chichiriiii. I really hope he turns out okay in the end. I have to say that you've managed to balance out the humor and the sad stuff pretty well. Right after the section with Chichiri, bam. Taka and Tasuki and shenanigans! The face paint that Subaru has Taka wear though just makes me think of Tomo. Is Taka dressed similarly to Tomo? Because that is just a hilarious mental image. I figure no, but.

HEY. YOU HAVE AN ANZU IN YOUR STORY. XDD How did I never realize this? Or at least remember it.

Also, may I add that you do a really great job on bringing the book world to life? The little details about the tribes and the guilds gathering together. The end of the trading season. Not everyone thinks to slip in that information and that's what really helps the world come alive.

Also. Love love love this part. And what you've acknowledged through it.
"There was no reason this plan would work, Taka was aware, and that was probably its strongest point. Miaka had, after all, a long time ago managed to breach the defences of Kutou's then formidable army by turning up at the gate1. This thought was uplifting, for though the results of Miaka's actions had been disastrous, it was uplifting to think of his wife, who was infectiously joyful and who he missed very much."

I love what you've done here with Tasuki and Taka's friendship. I don't think I can say it enough. The way you've written them and their characterization. Hahaha. Yes. They definitely make up for all the other dark stuff that's going on in the story. And you used his phantom cards! People tend to forget about them because they're used so rarely! Eee. Excitement. Although it sounds like a bad idea that he has them with him.. I'm also curious about the fact that there are seventeen. Seventeen. Dungeons. You had fun planning this, didn't you?

Jungney reminds me of Hikari in how he is able to "find things." And noooooo. Noooooooo. What have you done whyyyy. Although with your reveal... Ooh. You're a tricky one. But I'm glad you're doing what you're doing!

Although all the background about his tribe and how the rest of the world views mapmakers was again. Absolutely fantastic. Keeeep it up!

If I could make a suggestion, maybe not include ( as part of the cursewords? It kept throwing me off because I was mentally prepared for asides. Or at least a matching ).

"She was indeed small woman, clearly beautiful, her dark hair a stark contrast to her white face,"
Typo?

"They knew he was alive, in the way Amefuri had known Tokaki had died... but they didn't know what condition he would be in. "
This seems a bit out of place. I don't think they actually met Amefuri? It might be better if you make a reference to them knowing when one of the other Suzaku seishi had died.

I saw a few other typos, but I didn't want to copy and paste them all here. _ One of them was where you used "were" instead of "where", another was a mispelling of "something." Let me know if you want me to dig through them. I didn't want to review to be made up mostly of quotes from your story _ ;; even if a good amount were ones that I enjoyed.
MercuryMoon chapter 29 . 6/26/2013
Ahhh! So excited to read what's going to happen next! Curse you work, why must I leave. D: Anyway, I must say that the scene with Rokou was just... ah. Heart-wrenching. I'm kind of super hoping that he doesn't actually die and since you didn't actually write his death... I'm going to just keep hoping.

...omg actually left the review I was working on. That's amazing. I'm not sure how long ago that was. But HI. Finally getting off my butt and finishing my review for this chapter.

So much I enjoyed about this chapter, even if it was really sad what with Rokou's fate and everything. Which I'm still upset about! But Keisuke and Hanako made up for it, and then we have Hikari and Nyan Nyan getting separated again. Bad things are about to happen. Wheeeee. I like how Hikari's starting to take a stand and not wanting to be safe anymore. She kind of gets that she has this major role to play. -nod- And even if Nyan Nyan's just trying to keep her away from the bad guys who want her, NO. SHE INSISTS ON STAYING. Because she is a stubborn, obstinate thirteen-year old.

And uh-oh. Mr. Horrible Prime Minister's found his way to Taikyoku. Taikyoku noooo why have you failed us this way.

I can't wait to see what happens with the dynamic with Eian, Reishun, and Amefuri. XD... 'cause we know how Nuriko loved Hotohori in the series and whatnot and wanted to be reborn a woman (supposedly at least) but AMEFURI. Amefuriiiiii.

Also, this line just. Cracked me up:
"Reishun stared at her, trying not to feel enormously betrayed by the geography of her country, though it really felt like it had abandoned her in her hour of need. "
MercuryMoon chapter 28 . 4/22/2013
I really love that you bring out all the characters' humanities. Rokou's especially. And the scene with Amefuri and Hikari is just. Eeee. I really enjoyed it. Amefuri has this intensity to her that shows how old she is in wisdom (?) compared to everyone else. It -always- comes out in her scenes, and I think you pulled her character off very well. And do I sense a bit of jealousy? :D 'cause I like the idea of something growing between Reishun and Amefuri, especially since things are so awkward with Eian. I think Reishun and Amefuri complement each other well. Also, I like how Hikari is slowly getting to understand how everyone works. Slowly. But at least it's happening. She's reaching out to them like a Priestess would.

I thought the part where Hikari started singing was sweet.

Also. Rokou. Dx I hope he will end up okay. Because I feel really bad for him. He's gone through a lot.

What you have picked up in terms of your understanding of FY and the characters really shows. Wheee. Just thought you should know that.

Just a small thing, but you mentioned that Eian was the Emperor in the previous longer chapter. Mostly bring it up because it -seems- like it's coming from Hikari's POV.
MercuryMoon chapter 27 . 4/22/2013
Oh, yes. Something is definitely coming. Love how tense this little snippet is. And how Rokou reflects! I do hope that things do get better for them soon though. D: The scene was written very vividly, too. I liked it
MercuryMoon chapter 26 . 4/22/2013
Helloooo :D So leaving a review for this chapter.

I like how... somewhat ineffective Keisuke is. You would think he would be a bit wiser about what to do now, but he's still hopelessly clueless.

May I add that I am quite amused by the idea of Hikari braining Eian with Namame. XD And I really like the section with Amefuri! Eeee. She's definitely one of my favorite characters.

And the explanation Soi gave for why the Seiryuu seishi did not reincarnate! And how they existed! It makes so much sense! I like it a lot. :D And it is definitely right that you acknowledged all the pain that Yui caused Kutou because of her selfishness. And how Soi calls Hikari out! Aaaah. So much love for Soi. She was always one of my favorite FY characters. I'm glad to see her play a larger role in this story!

Hikari's purpose in this world is finally becoming more clear, too. I feel like it was always sort of there, but I really liked the way it unfolded in this chapter. Worked well. Especially with Soi telling her like that.

Just a few typos!

He would walk on fire Jun, really, the boy with Yui's brains and nose (thankfully) and Tetsuya's tendency to get into an inordinate amount of trouble without trying to.

"No one," he said, severely, before realising this was an answer that was seither suitable nor sustainable.

This one I'm not quite sure.. but since you had it in Japanese earlier:
"But Ghost-Uncle came out of the book with magic."

She, perhaps, would not even have believed that chord. (Maybe.. "would not have even" instead?)

if Reishun's behaviour was of any indication, much fawning and giggling would follow and she would be forced to gauge her own eyes out, out of frustration - and Amefuri could take off.

Her voice possessed a kind of practiced bladness, an allergic reaction to expression and a stark contrast to Hikari's present state of mind.

iMaybe people wil die, just like last time; maybe the task they were entrusted with was based on a failing logic./i

As always, just love the way you string your words together. They are so delightfully enjoyable. Wheeeee. And now I shall once again, slowly get through the rest!
Ayumi Tsukunami chapter 33 . 4/19/2013
Love the chapter!
I love hanako's and yui's reaction to the book and thank you for not making an eian/reishun pairing. I saw their relationship more platonic than amour and its always a pain for me to read about one sided love, haha.

Hope they'll find the solution ASAP :)
MercuryMoon chapter 25 . 4/14/2013
Eeeeeee. Okay, so I just read through this chapter! And It's Eian! And the return of Reishun and Amefuri! I missed them!

I'm randomly amused that Soi and Tomo chose Eian of all people to haunt. But I was really happy to see them! XD And Tomo reminds me of an omake version of him.

"She produced a bowl, much to Amefuri's surprise and poured some kind of soup into the bowl."

Is this a mistake? 'cause I thought it was in the point of Donghai, so he wouldn't know it was Amefuri. Unless it was told in Reishun's POV, but then it gets confusing 'cause it's just that one line while the rest is in Donghai's.

I'm worried about what's going to happen to Chichiri, but it's nice to see Miaka again, even if it was a dream. Such a nice flashback to when Chichiri used to always give Miaka advice while he fished. Now it's her comforting him. \o\
Flashyfirebird chapter 30 . 3/30/2013
Thank you so much for another awesome chapter! Real life has exploded in my face this week, so it may be a little while before I actually get a chance to review this chapter and the previous one properly, but I just want to say that I love the humor at the beginning of this chapter, and you did a great job making the chapter steadily more and more ominous (I think it became pretty clear that Jungney / Kagasuki was Not Good News from about midway through the chapter, but awesome buildup of tension!) Also CRAP! Now he knows how to get to Mt Taiitsukun (right? I haven't actually read Terry Goodkind but I assume that invasion into Chichiri's head involved him extracting the information from Chichiri's mind...) which REALLY can't be good!

Regarding your A/N, I think I see what you're saying (about the chapter being stylistically uneven) a bit in the sense that it starts out super cheerful and then turns pretty dark, but the transition was gradual enough not to really bother me and there was enough anxiety, even in the beginning, to make me take the situation seriously. If you wanted to, you could add more tension right from the outset, but I personally thought it was fine as is. Haha although I know you probably have super high standards for yourself since you've plotted this particular chapter for so long (I've definitely had that feeling, where a scene that I've envisioned for years doesn't come out QUITE as well as I wanted. So annoying! .).

Ok this mini-review turned out to be a lot longer than I originally intended and my computer is almost out of battery (ack!). But I just wanted to say: you are awesome, keep up the amazing work, and I'll hopefully have enough time to review properly next weekend!
MercuryMoon chapter 24 . 3/26/2013
Oooh. This chapter was awesome. I love Hikari's interactions with Nyan Nyan. So amusing. And perfect. And the gingerbread man. Is it who I think it is? Because that would be awesome. :D! And I love Jun. You got that young kid mentality down. And Hanako mentally yelling at Keisuke. Hee. I like how her impressions of him have just kept going down... and down... and down. The way you built the tension up in that scene was just perfect, too. I kept wondering if he would somehow end up in the book world, too!

Almost forgot to mention Houki and Rokou, too. I always have trouble writing the court language, but you've done such a great job with it. And I think you did the awkwardness between the two characters really well. I don't quite remember what happened before with Rokou's wife and Miaka since it's been so long, but it didn't matter too much since you wrote this part so well. I could picture the two characters really vividly. Ahh. Things seem so bad right now, but I hope everything will get better soon. I get the feeling it won't though.

My favorite part... hm.. so many in this chapter. Can I say all of it? :D I guess if I had to pick one though, it would be Nakago and Jun's conversation. It was hilarious and so Nakago. XD
Ayumi Tsukunami chapter 30 . 3/26/2013
Awesome chapter. More light hearted than the last especially with those two (tasuki and taka) bickering. Seriously though, seventeen dungeon levels? Haha.
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