|Reviews for chapter 1: property of a lady|
| KysMaya chapter 1 . 2/18/2013
Yes! I've been waiting for a story like that, since I watched Kämpfer! And Akane is my favourite chara besides Natsuru:3. Very nice Stil, you got:). I hope you'll continoue the story soon. But don't push yourself;)
Have a nice tragedie! KysMaya:3
| BonclaysFan chapter 1 . 2/14/2011
Just gonna say, the big wall of text at the bottom was hard to get through, but thanks to copy and paste I managed.
This all looks REALLY familiar, as in, it looks like you just copied the show, with a little variation, HOWEVER, near the end it looked like you were going somewhere different with it, so I think I'll stick around for the rest [will the rest ever come?]
Get a beta, you have a lot of spelling errors, words in the wrong place, improper grammar, etc. etc. [BTW I'd like to apply for the position.]
Be more descriptive, there was a lot of dialogue, but not a lot of action. It read like a play.
Deviate a bit more from the source material, after all, it's fiction, so you can have all the fun you want.
Instead of putting this in different stories for each chapter, why not just have the story "Property of a Lady" have multiple chapters?
Contact me if you're interested in having a beta.
Regardless, I can't wait to see the next chapter.
ALSO, regardless, I will be sending you an Altered version of this story after I edit it a bit, to see if I'm worthy of being this story's beta.
Signing off. Good luck and good health.
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/25/2011
The summary and story is intresting it's so... Actiony! XD that's not a word but who gives a damn .
| EmperorDraco7 chapter 1 . 12/27/2010
Interesting start, I like it.
| Boss-Awesome chapter 1 . 7/7/2010
it seems to be a good story but to make it look and read better try spliting paraghaphs apart, useing capitalized letters on peoples names and the being when people talk. also don't use commas for cunjuntions.
| Vindel mauser chapter 1 . 5/3/2010
i tried to fix it but the page always displays it that way. dunno why
| foxhound40504 chapter 1 . 5/2/2010
i was like O_O when i got to the part when Natsuru bumps into Sakura. dude spread out our story