|Reviews for You're My Son|
| onq chapter 1 . 5/6/2013
| Esme Mom Cullen chapter 1 . 12/6/2011
This was a sweet story. We don't see enough interaction between Jasper and Carlisle in fan fiction. This was a very nice take on their relationship.
| ChristineTheValiant chapter 1 . 1/29/2011
I loved it, it was really great story.
However I think you shouldnt change POV so much... but it was great anyway. Keep writing :-)
| TwilightGuru09 chapter 1 . 1/28/2011
Very nicely done. Thank you for that moment. Jasper deserved it.
| Team Jasper 99 chapter 1 . 11/2/2010
I really loved your story. It is one of the best ones that I've read.
| AngelfromBeyondBelow chapter 1 . 7/15/2010
It was really good and I also felt that at least a small explanation was needed into what happened to Jasper after almost killing Bella.
| IMSLES chapter 1 . 7/14/2010
That was really sweet.
| Lollo chapter 1 . 6/16/2010
fantastic story and it stayed true to the characters very well.
| jaspergirl1863 chapter 1 . 6/5/2010
I think this story is fantastic. It fits the characters perfectly.
| True Colours chapter 1 . 5/31/2010
'You're not anyone, you're my son.'
I think there should be either a full stop or a comma there.
But some bits were SWEET! 'I was afraid he was going to tell me that I could no longer stay with him. What would I do if he did?' I agree with this. I think that Jasper really needs Carlisle. And then when he was saying, 'yes sir,' I thought it helped to make his character more convincing, as he used to be an army man. 'You have come the farthest in the shortest amount of time and in doing so you have done almost better than the rest of us.' Good point. A friend pointed out to me that, because Jasper reads emotions, he's probably having to deal with the others' thirst in addition to his own, so it's really not fair on him at all. And then when they call each other father and son at the end - I felt that we were seeing, not just fleshing out of a missing scene, but a really important moment in the development of their relationship.
A few words of advice: it sounded a little odd when you were talking about them 'being fed' as opposed to 'feeding.' I also think that the story would have flowed more smoothly if you hadn't kept switching POVs. I understand why you did it, but I think it would be worth the challenge of trying to get both their thoughts and feelings without switching POVs, if it improved the overall flow of the story. You could use Jasper's gift as a tool to allow you to describe Carlisle's emotions, or you could have written it in third person, which would have allowed you to describe moments from each point of view, without actually changing person. Though it would have felt less personal in third person. Maybe you just need to make the changes of POV clearer visually - put the names in bold, and use a line or asterisks. I think that would help a lot.
There are some errors in your grammar, but I don't think their the kind that won't sort themselves out with time and practise. Good luck, and happy writing!
| vampirelover44 chapter 1 . 5/3/2010
This was beautiful. I love stories depciting father-son/ mother son moments like this. Honestly we do not have enough of FF that feature this sort of relationships and I am so glad to have read yours.
Ahh Carlisle makes an awesome dad doesn;t he?
| findthewill chapter 1 . 5/2/2010
Nice story. This is definitely a key missing moment, with every member of the family stunned by what almost happened. You did a really nice job capturing Jasper's feelings, so caught up in his sadness and self-loathing that he misinterpreted Carlisle's response. I like the way you showed Carlisle's gentleness and love.
| wandamarie chapter 1 . 5/1/2010
thank you it was great one thanks
| MRS.CULLEN1122 chapter 1 . 5/1/2010
I LOVED THIS SO SO SO SO MUCH
| MIMI chapter 1 . 5/1/2010
OMG IT WAS SO CUTEE