Reviews for A New Life
illuminatus101 chapter 1 . 12/23/2012
The beginning is very good, compelling me to read more.
Kutiepie1 chapter 7 . 1/28/2012
It's a nice pace but events could happen quicker.

Keep going

Harry gets the overprotective brother speech :D

oooh more betrayal.

Tonks will make Xanther family no doubt BUT she could explode first :)

Clare and Harry Yay. That makes her Harry's pack mate even though he's not a Wolfie. _
pennstatebound chapter 7 . 5/6/2011
I have a question didi you happen to adopt this story because I have been trying to find a story that is almost the same as this one only there was more?
DragonFoxx chapter 7 . 7/22/2010
I really like your story so far. I can't wait to see Harry and Clair together. Hope that Xanther and Remus work things out well.
MMe. Pince chapter 7 . 7/10/2010
I am still enjoying this and am eagerly awaiting the next chapter because I want to know what this policeman is here for. I am also eager to know more about the goblins and the ministry, Remus and his women...

I would also mention that you are using plurals and posessives incorrectly. For example, werewolves is the plural. Werewolf's is the posessive.

If you do now want anymore constructive criticism please leave me a note and I will quit. It just seems that someone who has such wonderful ideas should work to showcase them to the best of one's ability.
MMe. Pince chapter 6 . 7/10/2010
You wrote: Neville was nearly getting as many stairs as Seamus and Harry. Harry himself was now sporting black leather pants, booths and a green shirt with a snake design.

You should have written: Neville was nearly getting as many STARES as Seamus and Harry. Harry himself was now sporting black leather pants, BOOTS and a green shirt with a snake design.

I am enjoying your story and noticed that you seem to have some consistant mistakes. I do hope you consider fixing these errors in the interest of improving your story.
Soccerqueen237 chapter 7 . 7/8/2010
this is an absolutely awesome start to a story and i really cannot wait for another chapter. I hope one comes soon!
Nefari chapter 7 . 6/23/2010
I enjoyed the chapter. I am glad Harry is reclaiming Grimmuald Place. Looking forward to the next chapter.
rio45 chapter 7 . 6/14/2010
Wow awesome story mate I'm impressed. I am looking forward to see the elemental powers come out. Keep up the bashing I love it when that lot get whats coming to them.
mcgurrin chapter 7 . 6/12/2010
I like it though I seem to remeber a lot of it, is this a rewrite?
Therio chapter 7 . 6/8/2010
Good chapter. I am slightly confused why Mrs. Black would get to take money from Harry's account for denouncing the marriage of Andromeda and Ted Tonks. As Ted is a muggleborn, the Blacks would have denounced the marriage long before Harry was born. As Tonk' is about 3 years older than Harry, her parents would have been married at least 3 years before Harry was born. I know Dumbledore is good at manipulating, but I think even he would have a hard time manipulating things so money gets taken out of Harry's account even before said account is created.

Also, I read the review by David305 regarding the spelling errors and your Beta, and I am sorry, but I would have to agree with him. It does not look like the chapter was beta'd for spelling errors.

Will we get to know more about Xanthers friends before Harry and Clare start having a relationship? Them seem like interesting characters and it would be nice to get a little more background on them and their friendship with Xanther.

I really enjoyed Dean's reaction to Harry's nightmare.

I am looking forward to the confrontation between Remus and Xanther.

I look forward to the next chapter.
serenityselena chapter 7 . 6/7/2010
interesting twists ...

eagerly awaiting the next chapters _
slashslut chapter 7 . 6/7/2010
nice chapter and im glad to see that harry has so much support instead of having to go it alone. looking forward to reading how you deal the "betrayers" who stole money from him *grrrr*
David305 chapter 3 . 6/7/2010
Welcome back! Oops:

"the house had a very homely feel" homey feel [Homely means ugly.]

"Kingley and Moody are also impressed" Kingsley

"Harry was meet with" met with

"an unfamiliar looping scripts" script

"Her first husband was just after been killed in a werewolf attack" should be

Her first husband had just been killed in a werewolf attack

"lead by Fenrir Greyback" led by

"she had a relationship with Remus Lupine." Lupin

"both parents are werewolf's" werewolves

"Tonks will discuss everything to you later" discuss everything with you

"Xanther lead Harry out" led

"On one condition thought" though

"nothing to bright." too

"Herbiology: E" Herbology

"the highest marks in Defence the Dark Arts" Against the Dark Arts

"No. 12 Grimauld Place" Grimmauld

"to pass along of the gifts he left" to pass along the gifts he left

"a greedy look in their eye's" eyes

"and a room in Grimauld Place" Grimmauld

"Moody sat down the back" in the back

"to seeing the goblins expression's" the goblins' expressions

"and Xanther was looking at Harry" [delete And]

"Madam Reed herself had seen to the correction of Harry's sight when he heard" when she heard

"black booths" boots

"one of the private flow rooms" floo rooms

"there was a more ferial side" feral

"how Harry would react to him been one" being one

"Once they meet up with Rachael" met up

"busy making sandwiches'" sandwiches [no apostrophe]

"excited about been away" being away

"from his parents watchful" his parents' supervision

"That does why you brought me here" That must be why

"Xanther's hands shoot out" shot out

"Both boys new" knew

"I did not bring you hear" here

"to turn you into the ministry" turn you in to

"worthy of been its alpha" of being

"He knew Harry had an emotional upbringing" an emotionally stunted upbringing

"believing such ridicules notion" such ridiculous notions

"I was been stupid." being

"moving country" moving to a different country

"I would be glad too," glad to

I was wondering if your story was still not being edited properly, so I jumped to the latest chapter (Ch. 7). While there were not as many errors that your beta failed to fix, there were still many, and just as serious:

"but she meet his gaze steadily" she met

"taking in his new experience" his new appearance

"someone of Roberts's age" Robert's

"The man looked where Robert was pointed" had pointed

"Wormtail looked at the two muggles he was after confounding." the two muggles he had just confounded.

"would not be able too." be able to

"Harry was just after dropping off to sleep." Harry had just dropped off to sleep.

"over allowing Voldemort escape" to escape

"or simple because" simply

"Maybe we talk to Xanther in private." should talk

"caught Roberts's attention" Robert's

"all your treasures you got stored" all the treasures you have stored

"The Goblins were in uproar." in an uproar

"to check he was who he said who he was" to check that he was whom he said he was

"Miss Ginerva Weasley" Ginevra

"a tall, redhead man appeared, litterly," a tall, redheaded man appeared, literally,

"Roberts's eyes" Robert's

"Robert Scott winched" winced

"more commonly know" known

"The boy could make things difficult, in fact, he already was." should be

The boy could make things difficult; in fact, he already had done so.

"your sure you are telling us" you're sure

"a hearth attack" heart

"and top of that" and on top of that

"he is a werewolves alpha." a werewolf's alpha

Mark, I do not disrespect you at all for the many errors; nobody can know everything, and spelling, grammar and usage are simply not your thing.

But they are supposed to be the thing of your beta. Who has done either a monstrously poor job, or has actually not bothered to do any job at all.

It is inconceivable that anyone purporting or even pretending to have editorial and proof-reading skills could have edited these chapters. Too much is left unfixed. The nicest possible conclusion is that your beta is incompetent. The suspicious person would say that they are sabotaging your story for some reason.

I'm sorry to be so blunt; your beta may be a friend or dear one whom you don't wish to offend. But they are not doing you or your writing any favors. In order to put your best foot forward, and have your work respected, it must be properly edited. And it looks like whoever is telling you that they have edited it is either lying to you, or has no more skills at editing than you do.

I urge you, most strongly, to get a new beta so your work can shine. Till you do, your work won't be recommended.

I apologize again for what might seem like harsh words; I wouldn't even bother if I didn't care; I'd just say, "Next!" It is because I hate to see a good writer be so badly served that I want you to do the right thing for yourself and your writing.

Best wishes,

David
JWOHPfan chapter 7 . 6/7/2010
Great chapter! I do hope he gets back all of the money taken from him. That poor officer, he must feel like he's in the twilight zone, lol. Will Harry and Clare get together soon? Update soon please!
57 | Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »