|Reviews for Prisoner|
| Scratch Tom chapter 2 . 12/24/2012
I actually payed to have this copied onto paper. Dragonbreath1's fanfics were some of the funniest, most heartwarming, generally amazing fics I've ever read. And now they're gone.
I'm never letting something like that happen to me again. This fan fiction is beautiul, I always take the time to read it atleast once a year. I get goosebumps every time. It's pretty much perfect- seriously! I especially admire Metal Sonic's awakening and dialogue. It's so expertly technical, and the pinches of more organic language just make the whole thing wonderful- it's really balanced. I did find that some descriptive narration was mildly purple prosey. A few unnecessary adjectives and whatnot could have had simpler, neater words in their place- but that's few and far between. The plot, the feelings (my god, when Omega was crushing Metal!) were just right... this fic is as beautiful as any tree or mountain! :)
| Aspiring Mythmaker chapter 2 . 10/5/2012
I was only recently referred to this story, and I'm very glad I was.
I could say that the characters were strong, or that the description was packed with detail without quite spilling over into overflow, or that the dialogue, particularly for the robots, was some of the best written I've seen on this site, but it all boils down ot one thing: good. This story is very, very good, and one I hope to read again and again.
If I had to be critical, and I do, I'd say the vocabulary was a little over-exotic. I actually had to look a few of them up. And dialogue punctuation was...interesting. But that was more in retrospect; during the story, I didn't really notice.
In a word, sublime.
| LapseOfReason chapter 2 . 9/8/2012
Impressive use of language, most of all. It's funny to see how both robots manage to sound more expressive than Shadow. Some of their lines made me chuckle. And those muon-lemons...
Pity that the green blood haven't got much attention.
| DIM666 - Insane Leader chapter 2 . 9/7/2012
I must say I am impressed. The dialogue was the 'star' of the story, as the conversations between the three of them all seemed easily believable. Yet the 'explosion' scene was very convincing, and I could almost feel the adrenaline that any flesh-and-blood being would of had through the text.
But my one question is, how much of Omega's weight is ammunition? I've heard it vary from half of it towards three quarters of it.
| Lord Kelvin chapter 2 . 9/3/2012
I was glued to my seat in interest, only bouncing when the humour was too much.
There are so many quotable and worthwhile bits in this text. It should stay around. If you're still around, you know all the detailed commentary has so far dissected the offering into primary ingredients, analysing the beauty of every components so much like the characters described.
I will do no such thing. Instead, I'll add it to my favourites to read it all over again in a few months.
Have a nice, abuse-free day.
| Vheeri The Succubus chapter 1 . 7/7/2012
W-wow! That was amazing. Your details are so specific, and well written. Something I deeply admire in a writer mind you. And that robot banter was pretty awesome. I so wish this wasn't just 2 chapters, and I hope you've got more stuff like this written.. or at least in your favorites. Really, I don't know what to say except that this was an awesome first chapter to something I don't want to finish because then it'll be the end.
| JasonEpsilon725 chapter 1 . 12/4/2011
Great story! I love how Omega acted!
| Pie Badger chapter 2 . 9/28/2011
You, good sir, are an absolute master of the English language, and these two chapters have encouraged me to delve further into your writing.
I'm curious- where does the idea of Shadow having green blood come from? Is there canon evidence (I haven't played Shadow's namesake game, so if there's something there, I wouldn't know) or simply something you decided to add? It adds an interesting element, in any case.
What I find so fascinating is how you've differentiated between Metal and Omega as far as speech goes, and of course those two actively volleying off of each other is just... there's a word that belongs there but it doesn't leap to mind just now. The ones I can think of sound either cheesy or more suitable of the commendations of a four-year-old.
And I think that's about everything I can think of to say.
-This Is An Adverb, who needs to think of that word.
| Gigazubyte chapter 2 . 6/26/2011
Oh man, how did I miss this for... a whole year? That's practically criminal. Anyway, your distinct flair for robot dialouge remains unchanged. Both Metal and Omega manage to convey nuanced emotions without seeming too human about it, and their back and forth on the nature of Omega's free will is just fantastic. For all Metal's needling, it seems he only managed to convince Omega of the worth of his choice. Also, I love how you worked in a reference to your mean bean machine story. Sad to see that seems to have stymied you.
| Ekajra chapter 2 . 5/16/2011
I must say, this is one of the best fanfics I've read in a while, and definitely the best when it comes to Shadow and Omega. Your style of description is wonderful; wordy enough to get the point across, but it doesn't sound pretentious or anything like that. The dialogue is also very natural and witty.
My favorite thing about it though is how you managed to give the robots "emotion", while still keeping that classic robot voice feel. Though, to be honest, Metal Sonic doesn't really talk in robot in Heroes, but the way you pulled it off is perfect and fit better with Omega's manner of speaking. The other aspect of this I really liked was how you gave the Badniks their own culture, especially the whole deal with the "Decommissioning report for Theta-Psi-68m". Genius.
Overall, a well-written short story that gets its mood and point across quite clearly and features some great characterization of notoriously hard to write characters.
| Missy chapter 1 . 11/1/2010
I love how the robots talk in a totally clinical, at first seemning to be totally serious manner, and yet they still manage to be able to convey sarchasm.
"Inquiry: You expect this unit to assist you. Diagnosis: Insanity"
| ladyamalphia chapter 2 . 6/5/2010
I hate that I've never reviewed your stories. "Pattern Matching" has been on my to-do list (literally, a post-it note on my bedroom door) for months and months, and every time I see it, I say to myself, "LA, that is not okay! Stop singing into your hairbrush THIS SECOND, and go write that nice guy a review!". And sometimes, I’d actually intend to go do it... but then I’d get distracted on my way down the stairs chasing a butterfly or something. BUT, I’m free this evening. Well, no, I have a Huckleberry Finn essay to write... but whatever.
All I have to say to you is that you’re just so mouth-wateringly fantastic. And I really hope that’s not a creepy way of putting it. But for real. Everything, beginning to end, is just so smooth and flowing that it comes off so very polished and professional-sounding. And at the same time, I notice this beautiful casualness about it. Things like, “And actually, where was he?” are charming, where they could very easily feel out of place beside such raw and gorgeous imagery and description, which create this amazing, solid, tangible atmosphere. I rolled my chair back a little bit for fear of radiation poisoning.
Shadow, of course, is not my cup of hedgehog, but you write him very well. I can’t help rolling my eyes at him and his identity crisis... but that can't be helped, and you do pull it off very nicely. The “What was he!” is maybe a little cliché, but that’s nothing big. When I read his dialogue, I can really hear Shadow whine... err, speak. Everything he says I can imagine as a subtitle in an amazing cutscene. That’s how in-character he is, and I LOVE it. But even more than Shadow, I am so in love with your robots. I don’t want to say their personalities, but the... consistencies in their speech. Especially Metal. I haven’t played Sonic Heroes in... well, a long time. And I don’t remember him talking like that, but I don’t really care, because I think it’s very perfect. You’ve developed this whole dialect, and it’s super convincing. But they’re so funny, too! “This unit has an itch, right dorsal compressor.” HOHO, Metal’s got an ATTITUDE!
I find Omega incredibly endearing, too, with his sweet little pseudo-personality, especially the meatbag thing. Also, I really like the verbs you use to describe his speaking. Things like, “chimed in”. I feel like there’s a really nice contrast between “chimed in” and “RADIATION INTENSITY MORE THAN SUFFICIENT TO DISABLE LIQUID METAL CAPABILITIES.” For me, it adds to Omega’s efforts to be humanish. I really just want to hug him.
You have such a magnificent vocabulary, and it makes your writing oh-so juicy. I mean, “phthisic”? Really? Where in the world do you even find words like “phthisic”! One word I was very proud that I knew: taciturn. I used it in an essay once. But really, “muon-lepton field collapse”? Tell the truth. Do you just make this stuff up? I hope so, because it’s very convincing. Either way, I learned many new words.
I also want to critique you. Really, I do... I hate critiqueless reviews. But you’re not helping my cause. The only thing I can point out is that I think that you misuse semicolons in some spots. Like, “E-123 levelled an arm at the robot; with a far less laboured (thumbs up for 'laboured' with a 'u') whirring, the clawed hand reconfigured itself back into a fearsome looking blowtorch.” Semicolons are used to link two related ideas together. For example, “Shadow’s head hurts; he has a fractured skull.”
Here’s one where you do it right: “E-123 shielded Shadow only as an afterthought; better the hedgehog be scratched by haste than rad-fried by delay.”
See what I’m saying :)?
Hmm. Well, that’s about all I can point out to you, which is very good. You need to be aware how amazing and talented you are, and also how sorry I am that I never to around to reciprocating and writing you a review until now. Needless to say, I can't wait to read more.
In conclusion: fantastic work, and I'll see YOU next chapter :D!
| Blue Mage Quartet chapter 2 . 6/1/2010
You were able to set the atmosphere of the scene from the very first sentence. I'm jealous. "Warmthless light and jagged, epilectic shadows," I just like the way that sounds! Paints a really strong scene of ruined, destroyed metal in the gloom of twilight. I also liked the bit about "had either of the duo possessed any skin." NICE.
Again I thoroughly enjoyed your robot banter, especially Omega's "DAMNIT." Metal's accusation the even though he is "free" from Eggman's control, that Omega will still always find someone to follow and be ordered around by was a good insight into how robots work. :) Plus "Shadow was only shielded as an after thought" that puts the way he processes things into perspective as well. Always focus on the objective (escape from the impending reactor explosion) instead of worrying about Shadow too much as a person with emotion would.
I was also a little saddened at the start where he thought he was viewing earth with Maria but jarringly awoke to a chilling, gray landscape instead. I laughed entirely too much at the "'YOU ARE AWAKE.' Omega said, somewhat redundantly." line. And the part where he was able to freely make a choice and comprehend that he could save a life instead of end an enemy, that was actually touching. And it made him the robot equivalent of happy. D'awwww.
ALSO I TOTALLY ACTUALLY KNEW WHAT THE WORD ALLUVIAL MEANT. A landscape that is dominated by rivers and streams. Looks like I took something away from GSC101 after all.
As always this was a stellar read and I can't wait for more, even if you do take a year to upload it. :D
Blue Mage Quartet
| Blue Mage Quartet chapter 1 . 5/28/2010
I KNEW I recognized the name Frozen Nitrogen! Oh, how a new story from you excites me. :) It's been a while since I've had to read stuff that you've written so some things seemed tinted a little purple from my perspective. Phthisic, if google is to be trusted, basically amounts to a wasting disease of the lungs and when you applied it to blades of poisoned grass by extension of unhealthy polluted air- you are too clever. :) I've heard the word "veldt" used in Final Fantasy XII, haha. As always I do enjoy reading what you've written it's just sometimes it can be a little trying to understand some of your word choices. I know this is something I think I've brought up in every review of mine so feel free to ignore my griping by now. :) I certainly wouldn't want you to write in shades of brown instead!
Also Shadow. I like the way you characterized him, his dialogue was GREAT. He felt snarky, confident, and powerful. Yet he was still searching for answers and his actions successfully conveyed that. I think you took the angle I was aiming for in my "Artifice" story, the whole "who am I" spiel and ran with it more successfully than I did. :D It didn't overtake his character either. Also ouch at Metal Sonic's headbutt. D:
And I loved Omega's and Metal Sonic's interaction! "Allow me to weld you in more securely if you are insufficiently uncomfortable." And Metal telling Omega to aim downward because he has an itch, haha. I could read that kinda banter all day, you made them hilarious even if robots aren't typically "programmed" to be so.
"The backs of its red boot-thrusters had received the same treatment, dark rivulets of charred metal fusing them to the wall." That's a great sentence, I loved your description even with the big-wordiness.
"And then, with a whir of motors followed by a resounding crack, Metal headbutted the Ultimate Lifeform square in the face. Metal turned his head to face Omega, a smear of Shadow's green blood trickling down the outside of his eye socket. "'Demonstration: Accomplished: Increased vulnerability to blunt force trauma. Biological components equates inferior design.'" Metal Sonic is simultaneously badass and scary.
All in all it was a great read as always! Expect another bothersome review from me sometime in your inbox soon. :)
| Hawki chapter 2 . 5/28/2010
Not sure if 'Mean Bean Machine' really fits the definition of a horror story, but considering your adaptation, I guess the jury's still out.
Anyway, managed to follow the chapter overall. Sometimes the robo-speak was hard to follow, other times it consisted of gems (e.g. Metal Sonic revealing Omega's error in placement). I think it's also worth mentioning Omega's character at the end-nice piece of insight.