|Reviews for Foolishness|
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/9/2013
I feel horrible. I almost crave a comfort chapter after something like this. UGH.
| Jade-the-X9ian chapter 1 . 5/2/2012
Just started on the game and decided to read some fictions about it.
Apparently, it was a... not-so-okay-idea?(I honestly have no idea, but let fandom be fandom) I kind of threw up a little... in my mouth...
But anyways, I liked your writing style, there are some small typos here and there but not enough to disturb the read of their reading experience... which I cannot tell if it is a good thing or a bad thing...
But in all seriousness, Alex isn't going to get pregnate, right? o.o
-Jade the X9ian _
| Not nameless chapter 1 . 7/21/2011
...Is it bad that I liked this? And laughed at some points?
Yeah. It is. Who gives a f*ck though?
| Black Vendetta chapter 1 . 4/22/2011
One word for you.
15 Inch dick my ass (Not like that) try an raep Mercer when he knocks you full of Spines and tendrales.
Very... Arousing... btw. sry for the brief flame there... im a freaking Prototype Fanboy . *panting*
| I'm a Lover not a Hater chapter 1 . 2/4/2011
I think this is awesome, a bit gory since I have a wide range of imangination but awesome nevertheless. You should make a sequel where Alex wasn't dead and maybe the same pairing?
| 0ptimuspenguin chapter 1 . 1/15/2011
I loved it. Seriously. Well done C:
| Shadowdrake Magi chapter 1 . 10/29/2010
... 0_o D:
...Ew. Poor Mercer.
You couldn't put a *character death* warning in there? You said rape, not death by sex! o_o
Great. Now I'm gonna have nightmares. Eeuurrgh...
| Must.Love.Zombies chapter 1 . 10/6/2010
o.o uhhhhhhhh im not going to lie . . . . that was creative . . . in the good way. ;) and i am officially scared of the Sumpreme Hunters. Forever. I dont think ill ever play the game without thinking of the story. But uhhh good job. I like it. Very very very very very unique. i wont forget it. ;3
| Inki Veins chapter 1 . 10/5/2010
Q.Q I'm afraid to keep playing the game, and I've only just started. Poor Alex is going to need some serious therapy and a couple hundred pain medications to get over that.
q.q It's good...even for a rape story. God...my friend's gonna die when she reads this. I actually like Alex. Now I'm gonna go beat the crap outta some hunters. Well, when I get a chance.
| Firewolfie chapter 1 . 9/25/2010
Why everyone keeps mocking this good fic? Especially you, KrimzonGuard Bites BaronP. Don't like, don't read.
I personally liked this, a lot, so you haters go weep in the corner.
| MythicElf chapter 1 . 6/19/2010
O.o... i just died a little bit on the inside...
That was wonderfully scary... poor, poor, POOR Alex... all i could do while reading this was feel my eyes getting wider and wider and try my hardest not to totally PEE myself at how freakin erotic the SH was...
Wow, I loved it...alot...
| Blotchy Confabulations chapter 1 . 6/10/2010
WHAT THE HELL!
Okay I get the whole fan girl thing of pairing Mercer with people, but the Supreme Hunter IS NOT A PERSON!
Anyway you people need to stop raping Mercer or have Mercer rape people, because in fact Mercer is a virus. A super cold! Now for all of you who read this:
Mercer super cold
Supreme Hunter Chicken pocks
Yeah let that one stew around in your brain for awhile.
Okay enough bashing of the “pairing” for now, on to the writing.
Okay, so, you do not abbreviate names unless it is consistent in the story. You abbreviated Supreme Hunter only once, and spelled it out the rest of the time. Don’t ever do that! Spell it out or abbreviate it! Make up your freak’n mind!
Next, the writing it self is bad. You write like your explaining historical facts to some one younger then you so you decide to use slang words that they know, and the facts aren’t even correct. And as previously stated in another review (‘cause yeah, I like the read those) you do not need to describe every thing in such detail! Let the reader imagine it for them selves, and that will make a much better story if you do.
Okay I’m done for now. If I wake up in the middle of the night and decide to bash this again I will. ‘Cause I’m a bitch like that.
| MafiaTango chapter 1 . 5/10/2010
poor Alex! _
but yea, kinda hot,(even it's a rape) lol
will this have a continue part?
| I love cute things chapter 1 . 5/10/2010
You're inovative. You make me wonder what you're gona do next? Keep up)
| KrimzonGuard Bites BaronP chapter 1 . 5/10/2010
Give me a second to stop laughing.
*10 minutes later* Im sorry. I completely lost it after the hunter started fondling mercer. I skipped to the end and giggled at him getting -raped- to death. the man could survive a nuclear blast but TEH GHEY is his WEAKNESS! *smacked for being a douche*
okay. the opening wasn't all that bad. I felt some of the dialogue and onomonopias were a bit much. Would have had more impact to describe the deafening sound as the cannons recoiled from each shot, then the resulting explosion and uproar of concrete and bodyparts. think warzone movies here, only alot bloodier.
I also felt it was -very- unnescary to describe why the supreme hunters were still around. it completely takes away from the story. Perhaps a sentence or two of Mercer theorising as to why the creatures were still alive would have been better. outright telling the reader why they still exist takes away all the fun of us waiting to find out why, and possibly using it as leverage to encourage readers to actually READ (perhaps the LONGEST instance) of rape i've ever seen.
There was more raep than there was actual story. Just doens't carry much water, if you know what I mean. I also kind of have to facepalm at the sheer amount of legth between the start of the story's paragraphs(two-threee sentences), to a whopping 10-15 lines per paragraph as you went into.. completely unnescary description of the very way the beasts tendrils probed his 'expanded muscle mass'. you could have tickled someone's fancy with way less description than that.
In fact, leaving more to the reader's imagination actually adds to the intensity. if they don't know how someone's getting fondled, then their imagination takes over- and due to human nature, they'll make it into the most arousing thing possible. Trust me.
Down to the nitty gritty- I speak for myself when I say that there's almost little reason the supreme hunter would ever be /interested/ in actually 'pleasuring' Mercer. If the creatures reason for assaulting Mercer and molesting him was to grow more of itself(something I gathered when you mentioned breeding and mother's bloodtype. my first thought, 'Oh god m-preg') then it would simply get the job done and leave- not rape his face to death .
If this was supposed to be even -remotely- arousing, it wasn't. the amount of plotholes and errors took away any degree of pleasure I could have found in it. I rarely if ever give a review this harsh, but your artists comments asked for one so Im doing so.
No doubt there will be others who DO actually find enjoyment in this, and if they DO, i HIGHLY recommend they visit a psyche ward (or grow up past puberty. I remember my phase at 14 when anything that was REMOTELY teh gay was the most amazing thing. Thank god I'm 19 and matured alot)
Call me rude, call me harsh. say im the biggest bitch ever. but this is the best way I know to offer constructive criticism. Point out the mistakes and offer ways to fix them. Look forward to an update/revision. :) happy writing.
-krimzonguard bites baronp