|Reviews for Meifu's Gate ::Fourth Maki::|
| Guest chapter 72 . 7/24/2014
This story is even better on second reading, when I know how it's going to end. The conversation about Hirata letting Keaitarou and Eiraki escape now sound really ironic considering what happens in Sukuse.
| Drakonflight chapter 67 . 6/28/2014
We know that both Engetsu and Zangetsu have the same attack, Getsugo Tenshou, so I think its safe to say that canon agrees that family can have similar zanpakutou.
| Shiryuu of the Rain chapter 74 . 9/15/2013
To say it in the simplest of terms, I really like your story.
The world you've gleaned off of the Bleach canon is so wonderfully intriguing and intricate that I can't help but wish it was reflected in the rather shallow canon Soul Society, where inconsistencies and discrepancies are gaping.
The political aspect of the story is wonderful, though at times I feel the characters can be a little too clever. A little too knowledgeable of their enemy and the bad intentions headed their way. A little more ignorance or perhaps a larger threat from the side of the enemy might have rectified that, but it still made for good reading and interesting and thoughtful storylines.
The main criticism I have for this story is Juushirou. Not his dialogue or his story, no you've done great with those and made him seem like a perfect protagonist. However, it's just the way he comes across in this story that somewhat bothers me. He's a little too... weak and reliant on others. He's supposed to be the first District student and Shinigami and this guy who will pave the way for others in the future, a real trailblazer. It worked very well in the Second Manuscript and Third Chronicle, but in this story the act begins to wear dry. He's just so... helpless. Every time he gets into trouble with Shinigami someone else is there to save his skin. And that worked in the first three stories because he was young and learning. But now he's in a position of responsibility and in his final year, the year which ends with him becoming a captain and Ukitake just comes off really badly as a self-sufficient character. He doesn't win any battles against Shinigami (The guy he bound from the First Division ends up escaping his Kidou and he continually refuses to do battle with Keitarou, maybe because their abilities just don't match up well), he makes frequent mistakes when in a position of command where he comes off as either ignorant or just overly trusting, and he somehow is always in a situation where someone else has to save his skin and then berate him for it. Everyone gives him a lecture at some point but he just never catches on. Why? I get he's supposed to be idealistic, but then the Ukitake the manga portrays can be decisive. He decided to kill Kaien immediately after finding out that he can't save him and he goes to rescue Rukia and risk his mentor's wrath in order to do so. Those don't seem like idealistic or naive ideas. He can be firm and in command as well and I just didn't get that sense from him here.
He was just too reliant on others. It makes me wonder why he was made a captain at all after graduating. Sure, I suppose he has other talents, such as his charisma and his ability to bring out the best in people, but it doesn't always work. Other than Hirata and Shunsui he doesn't seem to have much charm in the end. Shirogane warms up to his family, but Ukitake is still a fringe association he doesn't respect, Kinnya is changed by him, but then they are blood so it doesn't come off as anything major, and he constantly gets the short end of the stick regarding his romance with Mitsuki. He's somehow always the one at fault. Shunsui just seems way more intelligent and captain like than him.
I like your Ukitake, mostly, because his dialogue was great and I feel you did the best you could for a character that Kubo hasn't explored too much, but I think it would have gone a long way if you had written in a situation where Ukitake won a major fight against a Shinigami on his own, or unveiled a dangerous political situation for the Gotei, or saved someone important from mortal peril. Something that would justify his becoming captain. Something that would make it seem like training District sutdents is worth it, because from what it looks like in the story, most people just treat Ukitake has a naive kid who they're all fond of but don't take seriously. Maybe Enishi and Hirata do, because they're awesome and practical, but the likes of Shunsui, Kai, Shirogane, Mitsuki, Kanshi, Ryuu, Shikki and the like kinda make him look like some lost little puppy they all love but talk down too. Even Akira at least treated Ukitake as a rival, which is some form of acknowledgement and respect.
Sorry, my rants a little all over the place. In short, it would have been nice to have seen a side of Ukitake where you can understand why the Council would want to make him captain, whether it be in the form of an achievement in battle or a particular situation where he demonstrates practical prowess in politics or Shinigami/Gotei strategy, or even just a personal, emotional victory, where he is rather treated like an equal, not as a loveable patient who is in way over his head.
Another thing I had an issue with is the whole Kuchiki succession story. It would have been worth the long wait if Ryuu manned up and actually accepted heirship of the clan, as he should have, but for it to get passed onto Shirogane, who everyone not named Seiran already held in such high esteem was a bit anticlimactic. At least if Ryuu became heir it would have shown how Ryuu finally accepts his father's dream or steps away from his insecurities to take ahold of his destiny. It would have made the whole 'Seiran was born first' story a little more meaningful. Shirogane was the obvious choice I suppose, but it made for less exciting reading.
GOing by the review, anyone might assume I hated the story, but I really did like it. Even when I found faults I couldn't stop reading because there is something so intriguing and magnetic about this story, just like the Bleach manga now. The canon is full of holes and is shoddily written when compared to something like Naruto and certainly so when compared to something like One Piece, but it has a quality to it that makes me want to read more. I think it may be the world Kubo crafted, and the world you expanded upon. So as much as I complain, I really did like this story.
| MerryKitten chapter 74 . 3/29/2013
End of fourth story. Well, I hardly know what say. Beyond the fact that this this has been a wonderful journey and very many midnight hours were consumed reading and visualizing characters and places and scenes. (Why do I start reading when I hould be sleeping? No idea. :D It just happens. )
Shun and Juu will always be my favorites, but there were certain other characters that really made an impact, for me anyway. Kinnya and Hirata are the two I'll always remember warmly. Somehow they seem very real. And you've managed to do something that is quite rare, your characters grow and mature and feel consisted in their world and with the choices they make and they have realistic flaws without becoming caricatures. I'd call that an achievement.
Shun is in some ways like me. I have his lazyness, like to tease people and don't easily reveal what I feel about anything. As for Juu I wish I were more like him, the way he makes friends is like a magical skill, I'm a bit envious about that. And his stupporn will and the fact that he just doesn't give up are traits I'd like to have.
There are still more adventures ahead. Thanks to you I'll be rather busy for a while!
| MerryKitten chapter 43 . 3/22/2013
I was determined to review stories not chapters but this one was wonderful. I love the idea of Shun having a sister. Very cliche some might say, but it fits into the story perfectly. Actually the story itself is perfect. I have just one complaint. It's midnight here and I should be sleeping! How do I stop reading this?! xD
| esthete-of-the-world chapter 74 . 1/2/2013
Wow. Where do I start?
This is the best fanfiction I have ever read. I'm completely serious. It's more a novel than anything else- but I'm sure you know that. Too many fanfictions are... shallow's the best word I can think of. Yours is not, to put it lightly. This is what fanfiction should be like. It's just that most fic writers don't have the sheer ability or experience that you do. So thank you for writing this. Thanks for showing that there's an exception to the "all OC stories are terrible rule".
But on to the criticisms.
The thing that I noticed most about this story was that there were a few plot points that fell kind of flat- like you could have done more with them if you wanted to, like the nikki. It was a big secret, the biggest one of this story, but in the end it didn't really... do much. Yeah, Seiren was born first. But he didn't have the spiritual power to be leader anyway, and his son didn't end up heir in the end. It accomplished character development, but for something that I thought was going to be really important, it was a bit... anticlimactic. Before you revealed what really happened, I thought that maybe Ryuu was really Guren's son- but that made no sense why Guren would give him up. Then I thought maybe Guren slept with Seiren's wife, that she seduced him or something.
Oh, and by the way, Senaya's other child mentioned in the nikki? That's Futsuki right? Senaya slept with Futsuki's mom before they were married? To be honest that was more interesting than Seiren and Guren's age switch.
Eiraki and Keitarou were fun. But I will say that Keitarou lost a lot of power during this story. Everyone was too smart by the end to be fooled anymore, and he simply wasn't the unbeatable powerhouse he was before. Maybe I watch too much anime, but it's usually the other way around- the villain gets stronger as time goes on, not weaker. But that could also just be showing how Keitarou's stuck in the past while everyone else can move forward.
I'm nitpicking, I know. But with a story like this, you have to nitpick to find anything wrong. And I know you aren't going to come back and rewrite this anyway, so it's not like criticizing the plot will do anything. But as a (just starting out) writer I know that reviews are pretty much the only feedback you get, so I'm just trying to, I don't know, say what I think would be useful for a writer.
Overall, this story gets an A. And in 4 years of reading FF, I have less than five stories I can honestly say that about.
Excited to start Susuke! I got a feeling little Aizen Jr. is going to be the villain.
Keep writing! Meifu made Juu become my favorite Bleach character, with Shunsui close behind. Thank you! You are wonderful and fabulous and amazing!
| esthete-of-the-world chapter 54 . 12/28/2012
Ryuu, if you could not get murdered... That'd be fabulous.
| esthete-of-the-world chapter 50 . 12/27/2012
Drunk Juu is hilarious and I love him.
| Me2coolNjunk chapter 44 . 8/7/2012
Am I the only one who suspects Nano-chan of being Shunsui's daughter?
Also, whoo hoo Shirogane has a love scene! It was so close! Come on and take the chance; put a little "bump bump" in the story. I mean these characters are grown men and they get all this attention...
It's taking me a long time to read these between work and all, but I'm still your biggest fan! One day I'll read the whole thing! Love this chapter! Your the best! Keep it up!
| Master Hiruka chapter 74 . 5/16/2012
I have not seen a Fanfiction so well-written before. Your style of writing is like that of a professional writer. I was distressed to see that this story had less than 500 reviews. In fact based on plot, writing style and characterization this is probably one of the best stories I've read. The way you write evokes so many emotions from the reader. I like the way you portray Jushirou and Shunui and undoubtedly my favorite characters are Shirogane and Kazoe-Sensei.
I'll stop rambling now but let me congratulate you on probably having one of the most well-written stories on this site and i hope you continue to write and i certainly look forward to reading some of your stories again.
| Nelarun chapter 74 . 11/5/2011
Such an amazing story! Beautiful characters, wonderful writing. You've really made me fall in love with everyone and everything - just one question, how would Aizen Souske be accepted by the Shinigami, wouldn't his name alone make everyone cautious around him (even though Shinji didn't fully trust him - would it not make it hard for him to have gained a Lieutenant's position?) Anyways, apart from that - to which I'm sure there would be perfectly logical explanations (_) - a wonderfully crafted story.
| GreatEnding chapter 74 . 10/10/2011
What a great story. Shirogane as the head of the Kuchiki? It's funny as the former liutenant of the sixth was named shirogane. He quit to make a sunglasses buisiness. Now I can only Picture Shirogane with sunglasses.
| IgNighted chapter 74 . 9/11/2011
The politics, the relationship between family and friends made this an especially moving piece for me. It brings back some good memories. The bonds you have developed, the characters you have explored and the story that you have written is just incredible.
| Tinkering chapter 74 . 9/5/2011
I just wanted to reiterate that you are made of awesome.
| Ebonypol chapter 74 . 8/23/2011
Thank you so much dor the amazing story. Ukitake and shunsei are my favorite characters in bleach andhaving someone spend there time writing an epic story about them i am really gratefull. :). I would love also if after the graduation you worte of everyones timein the beginning of thre timein gotei. Even if you do finish at the graduation i am gratefull for this amazing read. XD. Thank you!