|Reviews for Emily get's captured|
| Breggo13 chapter 1 . 8/9/2013
I like the story and I am happy you wrote a small, cute story bout this couple. I don't want to discourage you but as a writer to a writer, I want you to improve :) This story has potential - that has already been mensioned and I like the interesting style. Were you going for a screenplay? Screenplays, just like literary pieces, have strict conventions. Screenplays tell purely visual stories. If you look through the actual screenplays, you shall see that they use just as much action and description as just stories except without expressing internal feelings. As in, taking "Cody pulls out the ring" could be written like "Cody looks away from Emily for a second before he starts rummaging in the pocket of his jacket. He smiles when his fingers find something and takes a fist from his pocket. He slips something into Emily's hand...ect."
The dialogue - it moves the story along but is a bit childish. Just, thinking about the movies, Cody was 16 when he met Emily and she was (might be wrong) a bit older. At the time of your story, they both would become a bit older. I can't see a twenty-ish year old being so...cute?
Hope that helps, keep up the writting!
| Narnia3393 chapter 1 . 2/14/2012
I think that this is an intesting concept. I just have one suggestion. It might be beneficial to you to get someone to review it for grammer. It's hard to catch your own mistakes because you know what you mean to say. I found quite a few misspelling and such. It distracts from an otherwise enjoyable story. Keep writting!
| Logan the Awesome chapter 1 . 6/7/2010
Okay, I really like the concept, except it got a bit...dull after a while *cowards behind a chair* please don't hurt me! What I would suggest for future stories is elaborate on the actions like "one day at cody's house" and that stuff. It reminded me more of a script for a movie than a story, but it that's what it was suppose to be, then it was really good. I agree, Emily and Cody forevr! I'm gonna write a fic here too, so keep an eye out for it. Good job!
| harrypottergeek14 chapter 1 . 5/15/2010
i dont mean to be mean but...you really need something other than dialogue