|Reviews for Twenty Past the Hour|
| Yemi Hikari chapter 1 . 8/3/2010
I am going to say that I agree with sakuuya's review. Centering the font, made it hard to read. I too like the fact that you weren't overly mysterious, leaving the reader going, what just happened, but in fact that it gave them enough to go on.
| sakuuya chapter 1 . 5/22/2010
I really, really don't think there was any point in centering this. It just made the shorter lines harder to read. Additionally, your phrasing was often awkward, and you overused the word "slowly." In fact, watch out for adverbs altogether. Too many adverbs make prose seem cluttered, and for such a slight story, you have a lot of adverbs.
So yeah, your prose style took me out of the story a bit, but despite how the previous paragraph makes me sound, I didn't dislike your story. As the reviewer before me said, you do a very good job conveying just enough information to make your ideas fascinating. A lot of writers think that "mysterious" means "lacking in detail," but that's completely untrue. You, on the other hand, know how to use detail to enhance the mystery (even if I'm not too fond of some of your adverb use), which is something that always impresses me. Plus, you used shifts in verb tense WELL, in a way that works for the story. Great job.
| Winterrain chapter 1 . 5/19/2010
I love how you create the illusion that the man is just an outside observer to the story in the beginning, but slowly turn the whole thing around. That's difficult to do in such a short piece.
| Akanesi chapter 1 . 5/15/2010
This was really interesting and I liked it. You got the feeling of mystery, while at the same time telling just enough, to make it really powerful.
Well done. :)