|Reviews for Babysitter Mishap|
| sharalily chapter 36 . 1/3
Hey I just read all 36 chapters and omg the storyline is so great!Although I don't understand why Roy took Rachel back.I just hope he and Riza and the kids meet up again soon!I really want to know what is going to happen next! :)
| muguetmuse chapter 29 . 3/11/2018
First of all, going to be rather backward with reviewing this chapter because I distinctly remember being shook at the visuals with the last scene as it connects Micah's previous dialogue to the current "action". That particular dialogue was great in the first place, especially coming from Micah in one of her most pensive states, and lol having it come back at her in the worst possible way was a good build up. Also it served to make me suddenly want to PUNCH this Roy bc Roy boy, wyd?
Roy and Riza dancing, cute. I actually thought there were gonna be endgame and then, thanks, Rachelle, nobody invited you. But I did like how Roy and Riza's dancing was described in other characters' POVs, for some reason I like how you make the ocs very individualistic, i.e. how Leila comments on the media attention versus how Hughes' priority is Roy settling down the way Hughes already has with Gracia (does that make sense?).
Also Micah talking well of Riza is amazing. It's a typical, generic development, but there's the pensive dialogue and the impact of all of that going to waste the second she sees Rachelle, in other words, hooray for capturing Micah's horror!
And finally, I think this chapter is when you started showing more rather than telling! I think that's why I liked the execution a lot here!
| muguetmuse chapter 23 . 3/7/2018
Hope your day's going wonderfully today, have another chapter review!
Riza braiding hair. Awww. Super awww because it's Micah. I liked how their relationship got to that close, fond point to do that and you showed the development's depth through this small gesture. THE TALK WITH AL. YES. I ENJOY MORE VULNERABLE RIZA TO THE KIDS. I believe another reviewer said it best that Riza's familial backstory can be taken a step further in her past and tying it into her present and in her psyche about the current situation, though that's me getting ahead of myself. But moments like that with Al where we get to see Riza encouraged to talk about herself for the sake of making a lesson out of it. I digress.
Interesting, this chapter seems heavily reliant on dialogue and while this is probably very old considering this fic's age, it might serve you well as a reference to build stronger descriptions or to utilize them to transition scenes/passages of time better! The contexts you use dialogue is good for relationship-building such as the Al and Riza scene and highlighting the characters' mannerisms like how Ed shouts when he's being picked on, but other scenes are difficult to imagine at times. It doesn't have to be too long, though!
Going back to Al and Riza's conversation, I loved the build-up to Al's conclusion that fear, what Riza says makes humans alive, is what brought Riza to Al's family. It's very like him to come to such a loving conclusion, one that may be important down the line and ugh I can't get over how good of a relationship-deepening, character-revealing convo that was. Also, Roy and Micah's father-daughter relationship is hilarious haha protective Roy. Micah being so teasing too lmfao she's sneaky.
I conclude this review with this: "'everybody hates me,' he wept." lolol same, Hughes.
| muguetmuse chapter 22 . 3/7/2018
Thus begins my review spam.
When Micah mumbles, "it's because she liked it here," that foreshadowing. I love it, especially because it also reveals Micah's attitude as well as her observations of her dad. Plus lol in hindsight that was sneaky of you.
A minor nitpick in diction but it was jarring to read "Riza's lush lips" in a context that's in her own POV. If it was in Roy's POV, sure ((unless I didn't catch the POV shift)), but I doubt Riza would describe her lips as lush right after she described how bitingly cold everything is XD
Lol with Roy being lowkey submissive to Don Carlo. Interesting touch adding Spanish as Creta's language.
When they were skating and Riza's like, "Tf you doing D?" and Roy says, "Trust me!" Before flinging her into the snow? That was adorable, it warmed my heart, especially considering how a snow storm hit me where I am right now so the cute snow fluff was appreciated. Gah. You even threw in Ed and Al engaging in a snowball fight to put the cherry on top haha. Can't get any cuter.
Welp, reading all of the fluffy happy parts again after I got caught up hurts my heart LOL.
| muguetmuse chapter 21 . 3/5/2018
I've been working my way through this fic all day and I wasn't planning on reviewing until I got to the most recent chapter but I legit think this is my fave chapter so far for absolutely no reason I can think of but...LOL YO ROY. A CEO IS WHIPPED FOR RIZA. that was nicely done and pffft sksnnsms Hughes is just like, "you played yourself". I also needed to express that I absolutely love how we know the kids more, Micah is especially interesting (that implied rough childhood tho) and ofc Edward and Al and Ed's little crush on Winry hmmmm. Al's little stuffed toy i die. also..."WOMEN.", lol.
| Sashiee27 chapter 36 . 2/26/2018
I'm so glad you're back! Plz update soon
And I would die to see a confrontation between Rachel Roy and the boys (with Riza or as the mediator please)
This is one of my favorite stories
| AerinM chapter 36 . 1/7/2018
OK. So I've been following this story for a really, really long time, and to be honest I couldn't remember all of the details so I just re-read the entire thing. Hahaha. A couple of notes:
1. Sometimes you call her Rachel, and sometimes it's Rachelle. Not sure which name you want for her, but just an FYI that her name does change in quite a few chapters. ;)
2. Daaaaaamn, Riza. I'd be soooo friggin pissed at Roy if I were in her shoes. I'm sorry, but he lead her on, they were so close, and then he just randomly ditches her on the dance floor to go make out with his ex-wife (who he apparently hasn't seen in 2 years or so), basically kicks Micha out the door and promptly ignores his other 2 kids!? WTH!? I would've screamed at him by this point. The last thing I'd feel like doing is trying to be a family with that man again. So when Havoc asked her teasingly, "What would Roy think?" I would've retorted with "Why the hell should I care about what that moron thinks!?" Dude, he's screwed up *bad*. It'd take him *forever* to earn my trust back.
All that to say, I'm hoping to see more mama bear Riza in the future. She loves those kids, and right now she seems to be the only one who does - but she's also not currently being openly affectionate enough with them, which is hurting them too. Eff you, Roy. And an even bigger eff you to Rachel/Rachelle. Roy is a moron, and ex-wife is a psycho manipulative b-word who isn't worth anyone's time. What Roy sees in her is absolutely unknown to me. (I would also love to see Maes rake Roy over the coals. Gaaah. A nice Mustang roast/intervention is 100% totally and irrevocably called for.)
3. I also find it interesting that aside from her military time, Riza hasn't actually disclosed *anything* personal about herself to any of the kids. Nothing about where she grew up, what her family life was like, what her likes and dislikes are... I mean, it could all be between the lines in your story, but assuming she has a similarly tragic childhood here as in the anime/manga, you could really use that as a way for her to forge an even stronger emotional bond with the kids. She understands dysfunctional families. She understands emotional trauma.
All 3 of those kids need therapy. T_T
(Royai is one of my all-time faaaaaavorite pairings, but I can't help but hate him a bit in this story. Riza ftw.)
P.S. I really do like your story. I just feel like these are some key points which have not been addressed. Maybe you're planning to do something about it in the future - I'm totally not psychic, so I don't know. I truly hope ex-wife shrivels up and disappears as the result of an epic argument with the absolutely-in-the-right Riza (who would absolutely need to be backed up by Roy if we are to ever hope that he will ever emotionally progress past the point of apparently needing to have his toxic ex-wife around), and that Roy goes through one hell of a repentance process for the way he has wronged his kids and Riza. Which could also be prompted by an epic tongue-lashing courtesy of Riza. I'd be cool with that.
(I just escaped a 9-year toxic relationship where emotional and verbal abuse ran rampant. I also have 2 kids whose father - my soon-to-be ex-husband - did not do right by them. He will never be able to make up for all of the pain he has caused. Sorry if my need for justice comes across a little too strongly lol.)
| ATP chapter 36 . 1/2/2018
You take story about saving world,and change it into romance - and it is still good.
You should be professional writer.
| Mars chapter 36 . 1/1/2018
Cheers to an awesome 2018, can't wait to see what you have planned 3
| Caesurables chapter 36 . 1/1/2018
oh wow! I just love grocery shopping action XD wish we could do that too haha anways, I get a feeling somethings gonna happen the moment they return home akshdkshshdk keep it up!
| Guest chapter 36 . 1/1/2018
Thank you somuch for this new years chapter. I hope you update like this if its pissible for you. Really miss the royai though. My favourite part is the race
| sincity27 chapter 35 . 1/1/2018
This story is beyond words... it’s so well written and addictive. You are a great writer, keep up the good work
| Caesurables chapter 35 . 12/22/2017
aaahhhhhh another awesome chapter aodjskhdkabk I just love the scene with the boys helping out at the bakery! and that last convo! sksmdkdkskdkskm I cant wait for the next chapter XD
| Guest chapter 35 . 12/22/2017
I cant wait to see roys reaction when he finds out!
| Mars chapter 34 . 12/21/2017
Awesome comeback! Digging it, looking forward to more