|Reviews for Abduction|
| Gemini Explorer chapter 1 . 6/30/2010
This story is well crafted, although it moved along pretty quickly, with sparse details. I'd like to know more about her captivity, and whether the kidnapper had a job. If so, what did he do, how did he secure Darcie while away from her, etc.
I found it rather incredible that Darcie's parents left her to meet "Eduardo" on her own, before they knew him. I'd buy the story a lot more readily if a rebellious Darcie had sneaked off to meet the guy without telling her family. That would also cause her added emotional distress, as she accepted that no one had a clue to where she'd gone.
Her father finding her that way was also just too far out. How would he know where to look? You should have found a plausible way for him to locate her.
Have you seen an old (1965?) film called, "The Collector"? Give it a look, if you can locate a copy. It may give you some ideas. Your story ended more happily than, "The Collector" did. You may also be able to find the book on which the movie was based. Wish that I could recall the author's name. John Fowles? He also wrote, "The Magus." Many libraries have his books. I think Samantha Egger was the kidnapped girl (actress) in the movie.
I did enjoy your story, and read it at one sitting. As a short story with some gaps in plausibility, it is actually quite good. If you made it longer, with more realism, it would have to be Mature-Rated.
You certainly have good writing skills, and I wholly encourage you to continue to publish! If I didn't think that you have great potential as a writer, I wouldn't have taken the time to offer such a long review.
I wrote a few fics with kidnapping themes, and know that there has to be a fine line that gives detail and adds depth, without offending readers who probably shouldn't be reading tales like that. Unless the reader is a fairly sophisticated one who realizes that the story has ro be rather grim in places, they should stick to lighter fare. But if movies like, "Taken" appeal to you, you should write similar fics with greater detail and more darkness. If you want to avoid that, your work will be taken less seriously by fans of adult detective stories. But if you want a naive teen audience and a mild Rating, you are very close to what you can do.
Keep faith in yourself and keep writing. You DO have genuine talent. Oh: if you do write a more detailed, darker version, you might want the girl to be 18 or a bit older. I'm not sure if you can legally have some things happen to her and describe them if she's a minor. Depends on the jusrisdiction where you live and publish.
I hope that this was of some assistance.
| Haylee chapter 6 . 5/19/2010
Awwwwwwwwwww...happily ever after...
| Haylee chapter 5 . 5/19/2010
WHO IS IT? the PEDO? OwO ...please...better not be...at least her family is with her (YAYYYYY!)
i just hope...something good had better happen to Darcie..
xxx -love, Haylee
| Haylee chapter 4 . 5/19/2010
8 ...oh...my god!
haha...that idiot pedo sounds so stupid! i love the way you made him seem brainless!
...i wonder...does she escape?
OwO lololololol ...i bet she does...
/ ...at least...i hope so...
| Haylee chapter 3 . 5/19/2010
*gasp* aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! ...suspense...
...you know...if i was in that girl's shoes, i probobly would of done something similar along those lines...teens can be so naive...like me...
MORE! ...cya next chapter!
| Haylee chapter 2 . 5/19/2010
:O ...wow...the poor thing! grrrrrrrr...why did you stop the chapter right there? ... :'(
imma have to go on to the next chapter...
oh well...good story!
| Haylee chapter 1 . 5/19/2010
...oooh...cool story so far, i like it;
there's good description in there!
i actually want to read the next bit! o.O
_ lol, i wonder what happens next!1