|Reviews for To Mourn|
| Sithstrukk chapter 1 . 5/21/2010
First impression: I didn't really feel... angsty; sorry. More like a little confused. I couldn't tell where the author's notes begin or end; I didn't know who the Jedi was or anything like that. (later we find out who the Jedi is, though.)
You've got a distinctive writing style here.
'did she like to play with other children as a toddler? ]
The end needs another '
'well what did she like to eat when she was little?']
Seems like an incomplete sentence/phrase. Maybe you should add a comma between 'well' and 'what.'
Your last line needs a period at the end of the sentence.
Those are the major mistakes I caught. Keep writing!