|Reviews for Scorned|
| Doom Marine 54 chapter 1 . 6/1/2014
Sorry Souji, but you reap what you sow.
| The Heartless Wanderer chapter 1 . 8/17/2012
The funny thing is, unlike Minato, Narukami/Seta has no excuse. He has the OPTION to keep things platonic with his Social Links.
| yu chapter 1 . 9/28/2011
the greatest fanfic of persona 4 ever made (at least in humor) XDDD
| Martial Arts Master chapter 1 . 1/18/2011
I can see what motivated you to write this fanfic, but the scenario for "Souji being caught cheating" doesn't make any sense.
I had to re-read the fanfic to make sure I didn't miss something, but why exactly DID all those other girls show up on their own, which is the ONLY reason they all found out in this fanfic in the first place?
He clearly only invited Yukiko over. Why exactly did all the other girls show up unannounced when as far as they knew he didn't make any plans with them, and in fact specifically told them not to come over via phone?
The whole thing reads like a Dues Ex Machina, unless there's something I missed.
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 11/7/2010
and she always had nice breath.
[I never would’ve thought to describe Rise like that]
As soon as she opened it a voice said, "Hey, Senpai! I know you said you couldn't...oh, um...hi, Yukiko-senpai."
Souji's heart stopped in his chest. He suddenly felt a single cold drop of sweat run down his back.
[This is so concisely yet clearly put, I can’t imagine how it would be funnier. Oh, wait, the rest of the gang showing up]
Souji started to speak, but there was another knock at the door. Everyone's attention was immediately drawn to it.
[I called it, go me!]
My life flashing before my eyes, Souji thought. If I'm lucky that means I'm about to die quickly.
[Unless he finds out that Reavers aren’t the scariest thing on earth]
Yumi spat back at her. "I don't have to ask who you are. Eaten any new souls lately?"
[Look, it’s Souji’s escape opportunity. Too bad there’s another knock at the door]
Souji felt faint. He toyed with the idea of pretending to pass out, but doubted it would do any good.
[What about faking a heart attack?]
with by best friend
Souji wanted to cry, but feared any movement, any sound he made, would lead to instant death. He hoped that his impression of standing, open-eyed catatonia would work.
[Souji’s death normally leads to Game Over, but that would seem preferable now]
"Oh you were so drunk I'm amazed you didn't forget your own name," Rise said.
Souji slid ever so slowly toward the stairwell.
"So that's why you picked her! You and I were already together then!"
Souji stopped moving immediately, dismayed that he hadn't quite made it to the stairwell. All eyes were now on him,
[And one murder is about to ensue]
"Ha!" Chie said, putting her fists to her hips. "I was first!"
"Are you sure you wanna brag about that?"
[I’d think that Chie would be warming up the greaves by now…]
There was a thump and everyone looked toward the stairwell. Souji, realizing that nobody's attention on him, had continued inching his way toward the stairs. Naoto, noticing this, had pinned him to the wall with one fist.
[I hadn’t thought about it (missed Naoto’s Slink), but she quite likely could]
Naoto turn back to him. "Don't think that pretending to pass out will save you here, Senpai,"
[Another out bites the dust]
Instead, it had been a free-for-all, and shortly thereafter a free-for-Souji.
This was funny, and I can definitely see it happening if Souji was stupid enough to take the ‘intimate’ route with all of them. I was expecting him to invite Yukiko over and then the auto-complete accidentally invite everybody else, which would’ve given another comic option, but either way this was extremely funny.
| Visicury chapter 1 . 8/12/2010
I couldn't stop laughing.
Excellent portrayal of the WORST SITUATION IN EXISTENCE for Souji.
Do I hear 'sequal'? :3
| Cerebrate chapter 1 . 7/12/2010
Great story. I loved seeing the girls going from fighting each other to unleashing their anger on Souji. The poor guy still has four more months left in Inaba- the aftermath would make an interesting story. :)
| whatever chapter 1 . 7/11/2010
Good story, I like it! PLZ make a soujiXchie story!
| thesavorofpan chapter 1 . 6/25/2010
Well written piece of comedy.
| Enigma infinite chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
It's funny. My God I read it twice but still I can't get enough of it. Yeah Souji probably deserve it since he can reach S class without being lovers. But boy I can sympathize with him: a friend of mine once date 4 girls at the same! So what if he can marry all of them- point is he kept all of them in the dark. He got what's coming to him of course but since he is a nice guy, yeah I pity him. That said you should really try a harem solution. I like to see how THAT will end up with Souji.
| We Stole Vodka From The Optic chapter 1 . 5/26/2010
And *this* is the EXACT reason why I thought dating all of the girls in my first playthrough would end badly.
This is hilarious. And yeah, Souji, you should've gone to the sausage-fest.
| Patcheresu chapter 1 . 5/25/2010
Should have went to the sausage fest. That plus should have learned fast reflex like SamJaz's Souji did when Rise almost found porn under his mat. When she looked she heard a smash, saw Souji and broken glass out the window and him running and gunning for the Velvet Room.
| Rayless Night chapter 1 . 5/25/2010
Yukiko, Doormaiden of Hell.
Yukiko. Doormaiden. Of. Hell.
*Great* story, was awesome watching Souji trying to justify everything, then receiving retribution. So many hilarious details, especially loved Rise lining up his face the second time, Naoto's fist, and Ai slugging him. Dialogue and characterization felt dead-on and helped make everything so much worse for Mr. Seta. Loved the Junpei ref too.
Crit - not a lot to crit, this is solid:
Naoto's eyes are either gray or blue, not brown.
"She [kicked] him in the stomach"
It's a bit wordy towards the beginning. But that wasn't a problem once things got going.
| Random user chapter 1 . 5/24/2010
This was great, I hope you do more humor stories soon.
| Saravasti chapter 1 . 5/24/2010
xD Awesome. Just plain awesome!