|Reviews for Persona 4 FES: The New Generation|
| kryuzei chapter 4 . 7/26/2010
s-so intresting o.o;
And Helel appeared FFFFFFFFFFF
I see...Eternate, huh ?I guess I should see whether this is going to be more intresting from what I've expected or not ;(
I wonder if demons and angels (YHWH side) will also take part in this story...
| kryuzei chapter 3 . 7/15/2010
a good fanfic is always good. Don't worry about the number of reviews...personally, putting aside of the pairing, I think this fanfic is great !
Please don't get discouraged and keep updating it ;
| Kimiko Dainashi chapter 3 . 6/24/2010
Hey, I just finished reading this. It's amazing! But I saw the date it had published. Are you still interested in continuing this? You're a good writer, don't give up I hope to see chapter 4, if there is one!
| Astrih Konnash chapter 3 . 6/22/2010
Been reading since 1st chapter, this is getting better and better. Very curious about what is going to happen now...
Just a curio - does Reiji have any connection with a same-named char from the 1st Persona game?
| zephyr51 chapter 3 . 6/21/2010
I applaud this fanfiction. I like your persona choice for Nanako by the way. I can't wait to see what happenes next.
| zephyran chapter 2 . 6/16/2010
Well, Reiji's certainly a hothead, isn't he?
Since Zorn (an apparent doppleganger of you-know-who, also with the ability to awaken people's Personas) is becoming personally involved, I'm guessing things are going to get very serious very fast. I'm hoping that, given what we've seen, Naoto and Namatame will become part of the new team (though I may be a bit biased there). I'm also to interested to see how SEES will interact with the new team, and which one will take "leadership" in the new adventure.
You're doing better with the dialogue, I can see. Still a bit formal, but it's looking more like that's just how Nanako and Maiko talk (which is one good way to characterize them as intelligent and mature beyond their years).
Can't wait to see what happens next!
| cncgamefan chapter 1 . 6/5/2010
I think you're talking about trinity soul, weren't the people who had their persona's stolen turned inside out(Reverse case)?
| RionAgrias chapter 2 . 6/5/2010
I like this chapter, as it has a lot of stuff going for it. You make a lot of references to the last two Personas and that makes it interesting. I wonder if you will keep the Japanese-theme or go in a different direction this time for their Personas.
I would like to see you check your comma usage a little, especially for series. Also, for conjuctions as well. Do not be afraid to use a semi-colon if you need to either. That's just me being picky about grammar, so no worries about all of this. Just do your best.
Otherwise, I await eagerly for your next chapter. Keep it up.
| KeRose chapter 2 . 6/5/2010
Just finished ready your first two chapters and I love how this story is starting out. I see much potential in this story to be very good. I love how you brought back some characters from P3 into the P4 world, as members of this neo-investigation team which seems like it will be led by Nanako. You brought back a good a few to start and I am curious of who you continue to add next.
Plot is interesting. It will take a while for me to get used to these new antagonist, but I'm sure I will in the future. I also like the references made to P3, one in particular was Ken's quote in chapter 1 "'you have to be present to be part of this class'". Such a classic Toriumi quote. Love it.
Biggest challenge I have for you is deciding on the Personas for these new people. You have to pick appropriate ones that don't seem recycled, and possibly even make up new ones. IMO, I think this will truly be a deal-breaker as to whether this story will continue to pave its own path. By all means, I don't intend to put pressure on you, but I think that if you can do this, you're story will be pretty much golden in my books.
Anyways, best of luck as you continue this story and I hope to see more chapters soon.
| RionAgrias chapter 1 . 5/31/2010
It's a good start, and it has an interesting plot.
I do suggest you proofread your work first because there are some grammatical errors in this first chapter. I might have liked a little more detail on the new characters at the beginning or even the new Nanako, but all of this is me just being picky.
Overall, I think this is good and I want you to keep on writing. I'll keep on reading if you continue to write.
| zephyran chapter 1 . 5/25/2010
Looks like you're setting up an interesting plot. Seems a bit coincidental that Ken, Akihiko, and Maiko all ended up in Inaba, though I'd be willing to bet it's not a coincidence at all :) I have a feeling things are about to get very strange, very fast, for Nanako and her friends.
I can see a lot of improvement in your style over your previous works. I have a few suggestions, though:
-When describing someone's feelings, it's always better to "show" than "tell". For example, instead of: "Ken became stunned at the new information", it might be more effective to say something like: "As Ken absorbed this new information he went completely still, staring into Akihiko's face with wide eyes." Both say basically the same thing, but the second one draws the reader into Ken's feelings.
-I saw a few misspellings, such as "leafs" ("leaves") and "your" where I think you meant to use "you're". Also, there was some missing or incorrect punctuation in the dialogue, but again you've improved quite a bit on this.
-Some of the dialogue seems a bit too formal for normal chatting between teens. People don't always talk in complete sentences, speech is often interspersed with "um"s and "uh"s, and thoughts sometimes trail off. Something that I find that helps with writing dialogue is to read it out and pretend I'm coming up with it on the spot. If I feel like it's going on too long I stop, shrug, and say, "so, yeah", and then write it up that way.
Anyway, can't wait to read more!
| KingsJester chapter 1 . 5/25/2010
Thank you, this is very interesting. I like the interaction between characters. The flow is nice and doesn't feel too forced and very natural. I'm interested in how the personas are going to manifest this time, but I'm sure you have that covered. Akihiko's putting his brain to work by discovering the links the Investigation Team had. Please continue and update as soon as possible. And thank you again.
| eggmiester chapter 1 . 5/25/2010
interesting... you obviously thought this story through. at the moment i have no problems. im guessing nanako will get the wild card? anyway update quick. i wanna see the next chapter! ciao
| Trickymander chapter 1 . 5/25/2010
This is starting to sound intrusting