|Reviews for Restrained Feelings|
| BonusParts chapter 1 . 5/26/2010
I think this is pretty cute, actually. I think the build-up is a bit stronger than the ending (especially the internal monologues), but I do understand how difficult it sometimes is to complete one-shots like these, and I'm glad that you finished it to your satisfaction to let the rest of us see it! :)
I really like the little moments where they're alone but thinking about each other, that they don't really interact until that last scene. It's a nice commentary on their aloofness to each other...while still being quite mutually interested, in both an emotional and a sexual sense.
I'm a big fan of the HanaChie pairing myself, so I couldn't pass up the opportunity to see how another author handles them. I think you did a good job, overall. Like I said, the ending is a bit quick, and, yes, you're right that it is a bit sappy...but that's part of what makes a happy romance story, especially between two people finding love for the first time. :)
There are a couple of odd tenses, and a few times where you skip some words, but I think if you just take another pass through the story after resting your eyes from it for a day or two, you'll catch those few little missteps.
Also, you don't have to capitalize after dialogue, if your description is completing the thought of the dialogue. Such as:
"What did Konishi have that I don't?" She thought sadly...
"What did Konishi have that I don't?" she thought sadly...
That's because the "she thought sadly" is completing the thought of the preceding dialogue.
Nice story! If you've got more for my favorite P4 couple (or any of them, really), I'd love to see more!