|Reviews for Shining Force: Resurrection of the Dark Dragon|
| Martin III chapter 1 . 3/28
Not a bad reboot, even if I personally hate reboots as a rule. Your prose is undeniably stronger than the first time out. Indeed, there were moments where I vaguely thought it might be overdone, but for the past couple months my main sources of reading have been Ray Bradbury (an unparalleled master of eloquent prose) and my own stuff (which takes a spartan approach to prose, focusing more on plot and character development), so likely my current standards are less than generous to writing such as this.
Plot-wise, there's little here yet beyond the basics established by the game, but I like the idea of Rilee being used to a sword which is "lighter than air" and needing a year to even begin adjusting to another one. Also, assuming the sword in question is the Sword of Light, this makes a nice practical explanation for why it is more effective in battle.
The characterizations are fine; you can easily tell the difference between Rilee, Varios, and Lowe. I was a little worried when you introduced the theme of gender norms, but thankfully you've made it all about Rilee and her personal frustrations rather than preaching a point. However, Rilee's disgust with Lowe doesn't come off as justified or even understandable, which I would say is the one weak point of this chapter.
The ending makes a strong "hook", even for someone who's played the game. And it's good to have you writing again.
| FireEmblemAwakeningGirl chapter 4 . 10/12/2012
this my friend is a good fanfic i wish sega did this in shining force resurrection of the dark dragon. ..so yeah that would be Awesome if he remembered everything
yeah..so it's so cool
| Martin III chapter 16 . 10/24/2010
Never would have expected this to be the Shining fic to get an update this month! Still, nice to have a continuation.
One typo of note: "You're not s crazy nut-job."
This mostly maintains the normal level of quality for this fic, though the gang's persistent disbelief of RiyLee's story isn't at all credible. In particular, "imagining things" doesn't make sense as an explanation. On the plus side, RiyLee's feelings about Kane and general reaction to the situation come off very real, which is an important driving force to the whole fic.
| Maximus Aureillus chapter 14 . 6/3/2010
Martin pretty much sums up the rest of my feelings I got from this fic. MY one and only complaint is the OC protagonist. And a sword wielding lady at that. So in a way...my accidental review was actually not an accident. :)
| Martin III chapter 15 . 6/3/2010
Pretty good wrap-up, although chapters 9-13 have some notable weak spots. I think the fic would be better off without chapter 11 entirely, since nothing in it has any connection to the rest of the story, and it seems like most fans of the games think RotDD's story would have been a whole lot better if they hadn't added Mawlock into the mix.
The biggest problem is that the battles are awkwardly skipped over. Now, I'm not saying you should have written detailed accounts of the game's battles; in fact, I applaud you for realizing that would have been a waste of your time and creative energies. But your summaries are basically after-battle reports, which makes it rather dry. A present tense summary would be better. For instance, instead of "The battle was pretty short, but those goblins took a lot out of Lowe and Hans, and the Rune Knight took some out of Ken and me.", something like "They plowed into us, scoring harsh wounds on Lowe and Hans before we could drive them back. The Rune Knight focused his lance on Ken and me, but together we brought him down." ...A weak attempt, but at least it puts the battle "in the moment".
The last notable weak spot is the in-game dialogue. It makes sense to use it(I did myself in "The King's Friends" and "Deanna and Natasha"), but you've integrated it rather awkwardly.
Other than that, your prose remains as strong as ever, with none of the lapses into a childish tone that the earlier chapters occasionally suffered from. Fast-paced, entertaining, and with a consistent voice.
I have to warn you that it would be safest if you avoided OC/fandom character romances for the near future, as they're hard to pull off in a way that satisfies the fans. That said, my only complaint with RiyLee/Ken is that they're not even of the same species - a rather major complaint, actually, but thanks to the presentation, the pairing is not overly nauseating in this case. You haven't overplayed the romance, so it makes for a decent sideplot.
More typos in these chapters, pretty much self-explanatory: "Ken and I looked at each other and I eyes met.", "...when there in a new place.", "I could hear a Rune Knight giving orders out, sure enough, goblins.", "Everyone hurried back to get carriage.", "There are still be enemies around the castle."
A somewhat odd place to end the fic, but then, I suppose the idea is that from this point on the story is mostly the same. And it is a good climactic chapter, any way you slice it. The confrontation with Kane is almost surprisingly realistic, both in RiyLee's attempts to get him to remember, and Kane's reaction. At the same time, there is strong tension as we read on to see whether or not she will get through to him. Great emotional tension, too, as RiyLee's feelings for her brother are most convincing. The poetic but not overdone imagery of the last chapter makes for a beautiful final curtain.
| Maximus Aureillus chapter 1 . 6/1/2010
Martin's right. Sorry about that. I've just finished reading your fic. The additional dialogues set in perfectly. Keep up the good work.
| Martin III chapter 8 . 5/31/2010
Firstly, I have no idea what MaxiumusAureilus is talking about, either. He probably meant to post that review to a different fic, maybe "Two Years Later" by Enlightened Beaner.
As for your fic: Quite good thus far. Your prose is strong, handling the 1st person perspective with a pretty consistent voice that manages to work in plenty of light humor("And where there was sand, there was beach..."). The dialogue and descriptions aren't outstanding, but you make up for it by keeping things at a breezy pace, not bogging yourself down in needless descriptions or internal reflections. The one problem is that the tone, particularly the dialogue during the confrontation with Darksol in chapter 4, becomes very childish, which obviously doesn't suit the characters at all. Overall though, this is a fast-paced and entertaining read.
The one major problem of this fic is that it doesn't quite feel like a Shining fic. It comes as a nasty jolt in chapter 6 when it finally becomes clear that you've replaced Max with a woman; in fan fiction, placing an original character in a fandom character's role is a questionable choice at best. It adds no benefit to the story and reduces fans' interest in it. Additionally, while those fandom characters who do appear are basically in character, none of them are so well characterized that they seem distinctively themselves. And the plot is of course an alternate take on what actually happened in the game. Thus, there really is very little here thus far to make the reader feel he's reading a Shining fanfic.
On the plus side again, I am enjoying the plot so far. The issue of RiyLee's sword is a good twist, though it makes no sense that training would be considered proof of ownership, nor that the sword having been found with RiyLee would not be. More notably, while you make the reader share in RiyLee's natural frustration, you give Varios, the king, and Ken strong (and in Ken's case, even sympathetic) conviction in their positions. It would have been very easy for them to come out seeming like a bunch of jerks.
There are a lot of typos in these chapters. Here are some of them:
1."War erupted when Kane and I were 10, and Darksol was sides fought." That last phrase makes no sense whatsoever.
2."...and one I had hoped I would never have to hear it again." The "it" doesn't belong there.
3."But since your not," That's "you're".
4."One voice rang out a louder than the rest," You've got an extra "a" there.
5."I tried to breath," That's "breathe".
6."Shock ran threw me as I..." That's "through".
7.""Hello, Varios," The King said," "The" should not be capitalized.
8.""A young lady like you should be carrying around a sword!" Surely you meant "should not be"?
So, very good fic thus far, just somewhat lacking in the _fan_ fic department. I'll read the remaining chapters shortly.
| Maximus Aureillus chapter 15 . 5/29/2010
Typical Fangirl Fanfiction.
was it? Ah yes Mary Sue.
Bottom Line:Mary Sues piss me off. And Marty Sues are no exceptions either.