Reviews for Broken
jermak99 chapter 4 . 7/13/2010
Ok, I read all 4 posted chapters(I saw a teaser on Edwardville today) and I really, really like this fic! Seriously, it's good. I think the 3rd person thing is fine. There's obviously a lot going on in the story, so I think the 3rd person really works :) I'm VERY interested to see where this goes. Thanks for posting and I look forward to the next chapter :)
Browns chapter 4 . 7/10/2010 may have been hard for you to write, but I thought it was a great chapter. You have the beginnings of an excellent story here.

Can't wait to see what happens next.
chosmer chapter 4 . 7/7/2010
I think you are doing a great job and being too hard on yourself. I do the same thing.
Pat4pin chapter 4 . 7/5/2010
This is really, really good!

Loving it.

Hope you update soon.

Thanks for the writing.
JulieGirl18 chapter 4 . 7/3/2010
I liked this chapter! I really liked how Esme picked up on Edward's look and talked to him about it. I'm looking forward to seeing where this story goes.

If you're having trouble writing, it could possibly be the third person aspect. I'm not a writer, so I wouldn't know, but as a reader I always find it a little more difficult to read stories in third person. Have you tried writing a chapter in first person and seeing if that makes it any easier for you?
KD-Masen chapter 4 . 7/2/2010
Awe poor Edward! LOL...I like how he is older than Emmett in this story! Every fic I have read where they are brothers Emmett is always the older brother.

Cant wait to see what happens next!
IceVault chapter 4 . 7/1/2010
Hi, i saw your story rec'd on ADF and thought id come and check it out, really enjoying it so far and looking forward to seeing how Edward and Bella deal with their feelings...
channas chapter 4 . 6/30/2010
I think that you are doing fantastic and I am absolutly loving your story! :)
Rebadams7 chapter 4 . 6/30/2010

This is a great premise, with lots of interesting situations and character growth. I'm thinking of how Rosalie was upset that Edward did not choose her even though she had Emmett...

If you want to bounce some ideas off someone - or help I'd be glad to

I want to see where you take this


Veronique24 chapter 4 . 6/27/2010
I'm loving your story, so please continue... maybe you could advance the time line a little quicker if that could help, or not write as a narator? Just let us know when you change POV. I know I can't wait to read what happens when Bella is a little older!
Cakes18 chapter 4 . 6/27/2010
Jarie, I think you're doing a wonderful job. Between all the things you're busy doing, I'm suprised you have time to focus on writing such a nice chapter. Keep on striving, you've pleased many readers before, and you sure aren't disappointing them this time!

Hope this helped!

Jessica0306 chapter 4 . 6/27/2010
I love how Esme and Alive just KNOW, ya know?

Poor Emmett has no idea. He went to Edward for girl help - that must have been so uncomfortable for both of them for different reasons.

And Bella, even SHE knows! Edward better watch it!

I think you're doing a great job with this. There are a lot of players, so I think 3rd person is your best bet.
jlcummins chapter 4 . 6/27/2010
i really like the POV! before i read your comment i was even thinking about how smoothly you transition to different characters' thoughts. i felt like i was at that dinner table. Keep it up!
cyndi407 chapter 4 . 6/27/2010
not dure what kind of advice to give you, but I do want to let u know that I am enjoying reading it. I hope u find a way out of ur slump, because I really would like to see how this plays out
ecxe chapter 4 . 6/27/2010
i thought you did a great job with this chapter. i really sympathize with edward, because i feel like he's trying hard to keep his emotions checked, and thats not easy to do. bee and emmett are cute together, though, and i see that will be tumbling down soon.
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