Reviews for Fullmetal Phoenix
Loner Kid chapter 3 . 12/14/2013
KINGDOM HEART!?
sierra.steinbrecher chapter 3 . 12/13/2013
Who are the other three? Am I supposed to know them from somewhere?
sierra.steinbrecher chapter 1 . 12/13/2013
You are missing a LOT of words. Why do the Fullmetal trio suddenly have magic? Needs to be explained better.
mageoflife431 chapter 16 . 7/25/2013
Keep writing, youre doing great! I couldn't write this kindof stuf if I tried, and I can name a few of my friends who couldn't either...
Taigon Namire Karukawa chapter 3 . 1/31/2013
OMG! KINGDOM HEARTS! MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE VIDEO GAME EVER!
Guest chapter 2 . 1/8/2013
Just so you know, you need to add punctuation in a lot of places, and you keep using a word that sounds the same as the one that you meant to use. Meaning, you don't use the correct word. Ex) 'He through the knife.' The word there should be threw. By the way, Ed can't transmute knives from walls. Sorry to burst your bubble or whatever, but he doesn't know how to turn wood and plaster into freaking metal. Capisce?
Shaman-King-Ezra chapter 16 . 11/6/2012
Love the story, just needs some editing!
The-50-Name-Mage chapter 1 . 8/23/2012
Ok, not to be a downer on what could really be a good piece of work, but this really needs some editing. I found this really hard to read and felt that the chapter didn't flow well, and was really jerky. You need to work on your Grammar, Spelling and also need to start proof reading your work for any missed words.
For example your first sentence:
"Edward Elric woke up one morning to the noise of Central outside his apartment he and 15 year old brother shard."
It would read better written like this:
"Edward Elric woke up one morning to the noise of Central outside the apartment that he and his 15 year old brother shared."
Also try having a notebook with hard to spell words next to you when you write. Good Luck
TheMoreThenHalfWaterAlchemist chapter 1 . 8/9/2012
"Go or you'll be court mashed."

-twitch- its Court Martialed... AND SERIOUSLY, LEARN YOU'RE GRAMMAR!
Me chapter 1 . 6/2/2012
Haha James Bond moment!
Me chapter 1 . 6/2/2012
Haha James Bond moment!
uzamakinaruta chapter 16 . 4/6/2012
please continue this. i really like it. and is that quote from one of your Hetalia stories? idk just a guess.
Golden Burnt Summers chapter 6 . 1/18/2012
GOD you gotta start spelling things right. I went through six chapters PAINFULLY reading misspelled words...
TakeThisToYourGraves chapter 1 . 1/4/2012
When greed dies at the VERY end of FMABH I was like OOOH NOOOOOOOZ GREEEEEEEEEED I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU And Ling was like crying and I was like noooo *sob* noooooooo greed and I was like DAMN U FATHERRRRR DAMN UUUUUUUUUU
Guest chapter 1 . 1/1/2012
(This is constructive criticism, please don't take offense)

Okay, so, first things first- your grammar leaves much to be desired. For example, when something should be written as "Then there was a knock at the door" you would write "Then their was a knock on the door". You frequently miss spell, forget endings of, or just completely leave out words altogether. This confuses readers and 75% of the time makes them click the "back" button.

Another "back clicker" you have a tendency of doing is rambling. I noticed this immediately when Ed and Winry were describing their dreams. You just kept going, and as the sentance-paragraph drew on, the dreams became harder and harder to follow, let alone comprehend. You REALLY need to break up the sentences and lose the repetetive "and's" and "I's" because i was completely lost after the word "beach". Also, there are puctuation errors EVERYWHERE. I seriously wanted to falcon punch my computer after reading the first few paragraphs.

Lastly, you need more description and explanation. I thought that I might have missed a paragraph or two when Ed calls Breda "Colonel" and is answered with a "General". Springing unexpected surprises on your readers is a smart move in some situations, but this was not one of such situations; you HAVE to give your readers fair warning, like, say, letting them know of any promotions, so that they don't get confused and question their reading skills. You move way too fast with the story, and it's difficult for readers to picture the setting or understand the mood of a situation. DESCRIBE.

thanks for reading my seemingly unending rant. Again, there was no offense intended, just trying to help, sorry if i made myself sound like a douche. :) luvz
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