|Reviews for My Salesman's A Biter|
| Saguenay chapter 2 . 12/2/2011
It was a great one-shot. Thank you for the update as I was checking the new updates of the day on fanfiction.
| mandy52799 chapter 1 . 7/15/2010
holy crap...that was just ...holy crap...GAH...omg please continue this...add another chapter where she leaves Jacob before the wedding and rides Edward in he sunset...I mean rides off with Edward into the sunset. Anyway that was just omg fucking good...so good..wow
| GLee68 chapter 1 . 6/20/2010
gee I would start going to "those" kind of stores if I knew I could encounter salesman like THAT!
Holy snapping duck dung!
that was amazingly hot and I want it to continue...
I somehow think (read... HOPE) that Jacob will be alone in 2 days time!
that was a nice bit of writing!
*fans self again and grabs cool drink*
| TLCullen132 chapter 1 . 6/18/2010
I would so try lingerie on for Edward anytime! Even with the T rating you left me pretty hot and bothered...
Are you going to continue, because I would definitely read:D
| askjdgf chapter 1 . 6/7/2010
haha loved it! VERY VERY HOT! What a way to lose your big V LOL
| Megan chapter 1 . 6/6/2010
WOw.. Sexual mind :P.. its really good is there going to be another chapter? xx
| Claire Bloom chapter 1 . 6/6/2010
That was very sexy and I loved the tension between them. I also liked the ending, 'she could go back tomorrow' it leaves it wide open for the reader to make their own interpretation to what happens next.
Excellent use of your prompt babe xx
| Addicted Necker chapter 1 . 6/5/2010
okay...so I hate to be one of those, annoying girls who says "YOU ENDED IT THERE?" like they've done to me millions of times...but, YOU ENDED IT THERE? LOL Plan to continue this?
| Lori94 chapter 1 . 6/5/2010
Loved it! I wonder how she'll tell Jake the wedding's off!
| JennCorinthos chapter 1 . 6/2/2010
Please give me more.. I want to know what happens next...
| celesticbliss chapter 1 . 6/2/2010
Hot damn woman, you are trying to kill me!
I'm really not sure why I haven't read anything of yours before, but now I know what I was missing.
You set up the story beautifully, with just enough information.
"I'm my fair share of mad myself."
Really Bella? REALLY? I could almost go lesbian for this line.
And, lets be honest. An after sex cigarette is comparable to sex itself.
"So this is like, Sex Ed?" I panted as I felt something shift deep in my stomach.
bwaaahahahahaha.. omg I love you.
"Go for the blue. I want the red to be for me." So that's what I did. I nodded, gave him a shy smile as I turned to reluctantly leave as he opened the door like a gentleman
I'm going shopping. Like, now.
| sydneytwilightmum chapter 1 . 6/1/2010
Oh Bella Bella Bella what have you done!
Nice way to use the prompt :)
I was gasping for breathe when he stopped her at the doorway!
| keibi chapter 1 . 6/1/2010
OMG! I almost combusted reading this fortunately I was alone XD ...I must confess I want to read your story since I saw your banners, GOOD JOB ;)
| readingmama chapter 1 . 6/1/2010
Very nice, I sure do hope that Bella calls off her wedding. It's not fair to anyone not to keep having wild crazy sex with Edward.
| Silverspoon chapter 1 . 6/1/2010
In-depth Review #1 as promised.
That was a very vague scenario you were given and I thought that overall you showed such wonderful imagination in molding it into a short story. The plot was unpredictable and amusing, but not so OTT that it was completely unbelievable. At first I did think it was going to be a Bella/ Jake fic from the relationship you described. It was a very pleasant surprise to then see that set-up turned on its head so unexpectedly and artfully. However, the Bella/Jake relationship you described (her remorse at the impending marriage, their brother/sister relationship, and her resolve to simply settle) was saddening. It added a nice touch of balance to the rest of the light hearted air of the oneshot, and also provided you with a clever reason for Bella to be in the store in the first place.
First of all, I was exceptionally impressed by the flow of the piece. There is such a marked improvement in your writing from the very first piece of yours I recall reading. Each paragraph blended nicely into the next and the information you gave away in each section related well.
The oneshot had such a great tone to it that is often lacking in a first person narrative piece. What I mean to say is, you elaborated just enough to give the reader the details they wanted and needed, without taking away from the authenticity of your Bella's voice. The very beginning of the oneshot was nicely done. I liked the simplicity of the 'red-blue-red' and Bella's innocence at this point, which you reflected well. I found myself also liking your Bella; she seemed funny, sweet and simply a little lost in life.
You were not afraid to be mature in this oneshot (which is what the scenario called for) but neither did you go over the top with smut as is sometimes the temptation. I can imagine that this was a very difficult scenario to conquer but you did so beautifully, with wit and intelligence.
I thought that you were a particular master of the double entendre here. I enjoyed Bella's embarrassment at her own thoughts and also at how much of what she said to Edward could be construed in other ways!
All in all, I enjoyed your FAGE entry very much and was impressed by the quality of work you managed to produce from a scenario that could easily have sent some writers spinning into a panic. You should be very proud of this!