|Reviews for The Orphan|
| Cardboard Bike chapter 13 . 3/11
This made me laugh (your 'response to a bitchy coward' rant, not your story). I'm guessing you've moved on from FF, but on the off chance you haven't I hope you've grown up a little in the last year or so. I wound up here because I just found an old adamantly 'not a flame' comment on one of my stories from you and had to come read your amazing writing because mine is apparently so bad.
But your sentence structure needs work (you use passive voice too often) and it's kind of laughable that you could call my writing OOC when you haven't kept Hinata in character at all (I'm talking about your revised chapter; I couldn't make myself read past that). Also your authors notes are not notes, they're novels, which, as someone else said, ruins the flow of any story.
And, as further constructive criticism, writing 'this is not a flame I'm just honest' does not make your opinions less insulting. You can be honest in a tactful way, and you can be honest like an a-hole. Your comments simply read like you think very highly of yourself and think everyone else is below you (funny, because even your revised chapter has grammatical errors).
| magi chapter 13 . 11/22/2014
I am soooo happy that your starting to re-write. I love reading your fanfic. Hope you upload soon. teehee
| datruebossmonkey chapter 13 . 6/6/2014
Even though this is not a chapter, its by far one of my favorites so far! YOU GO AND TELL THEIR ASS!
| datruebossmonkey chapter 7 . 6/6/2014
Whats the song in this chapter that they all sing?
Loving the story so far! UPDATE SOON!
| MidnightsDivineFlower chapter 13 . 5/29/2014
WHERE IS THE CHAPTER I WANT TO SEE WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT WITH HINATA AND SASUKE
| Dancenightrose chapter 13 . 5/26/2014
I for one like your story and can't wait for the next chapter
| Brittany6391 chapter 13 . 5/21/2014
Dont let them fuck up ur flow if u cant read it then damn dont. And keep up with this badass story and good job
| Guest chapter 3 . 5/13/2014
Sentence structure is HORRIBLE. You have periods where commas should be. You put author's notes in the MIDDLE of the story? Do you know how terrible that is to see when someone is trying to get into the flow of a story, which, by the way is not easy because your sentence structure and grammar is all over the place. Oh, and those run on sentences?
Names should be capitalized. I'm pretty sure this is taught in primary school.
'Sighing in acceptance, she turned around and placed her hoodie on her head, covering her face before pushing the doors open and stepping outside into sunlight."
See what I did? This reads much better than that travesty of a sentence you have up there.
Patience is has a T, not two C's, and you aren't supposed to put author's notes as a replacement for any chapter. That sort of thing could get your story pulled around here.
Please, for the love of all that is holy, get a beta.
| Guest chapter 13 . 5/7/2014
There was a few spelling/wording mistakes that was a bit confusing throughout the story but over all the fanfic is good so far...
| sasuhina gal chapter 13 . 5/8/2014
Well you knew how to prove a point. Can't wait for the next want some sasuhina
| Guest chapter 6 . 5/4/2014
Good god, GET A BETA! Grammar all over the place that makes your story unreadable! And what is with the essay of a/n? This is way too off-putting and unnecessary.
BTW, I came across you after leaving a string of flames on a Harry/Draco story, calling the author 'appalling' for miscalculating the number of Hogwarts students in a year, then also criticising the author about being petite. It made you look petty and stupid, so I checked out your stories to see if you were so perfect... and guess what? You're not.
Not nice to be flamed, is it? Have a nice day, now ;)
| Yinna Chan chapter 1 . 3/24/2013
i loved it
| kitty1190 chapter 9 . 3/21/2013
| sumo is chapter 13 . 1/22/2013
Glad to see that this story will be updated again soon What I personally would really like to see is more band scenes and Hinata playing her guitar or interacting with Gaara and Neji's band.
| kitty1190 chapter 13 . 1/23/2013
um, you could write that neji introduce his band to Hinata,Ino,Ten-ten, and temari and later sasuke and hinata are alone and he was going to suck hinatas blood but hinata notice what sasuke is going to do and puches sasuke and you could write the whole story with other idias oh and I love you story write more please