|Reviews for The Golden Age: Reclamation War|
| LordRevanMandaloreofZutara chapter 10 . 7/2/2010
Then Frost learns that Pink is “dead”. That was amusing. So now Frost will come and deal with the children on Halloween. Shivers. That day has always been evil, no matter if it is in fiction or in real life. Bunch of brats walking around, threatening people for pieces of candy… makes me glad I got away from that horrid tradition.
Now with the review done, I have some more observations. I was wondering if there would ever come a time when Frost and Kira need to team up. If there is then it would be amusing to see them resonate with each other. Creepy, but amusing.
Second observation. I don’t think you will do the Frost o Scream right away. You have eleven days, so I think the next person we will see will be Durandel and Noah. I can just imagine it now. Durandel will come into Noah’s cell and inform him about Lacus’ death. Then Durandel will explain about the White EDEN and how he will use Lacus’ death to fuel public opinion against the Edenites. Noah can be all horrified on the inside, but outwardly he will laugh in Durandel’s face, reminding him of how much trouble UCs can give mere Earthlings.
Third Observation: Leviathan’s foster father may be the Consul of Foreign Affairs! Nothing concrete here, just another candidate since he would be the one most likely to go out and visit her.
That is it for right now. Oh, and I did listen to the song. You are right, the words do describe the feelings of Kira right now. Well until next time.
| LordRevanMandaloreofZutara chapter 10 . 7/2/2010
… … … …
As I stand here, overlooking what you have written, I cannot help but imagine a lush, beautiful forest with all sorts of reptiles and acceptable mammals scurrying around. Yet, I cannot hear any of them. I can only hear the wind, the silence.
Your silence on the issue of whether or not Lacus survived is deafening. I know that I am not the only one who has raised that question. It is now, more then ever, that I find myself convinced that Lacus has survived. It is not something glaring, or something big. It is just a series of tiny things, easily explained away by something else, yet they all add up. The Forest Prince’s presence in the region where Lacus “died” (or if I am mistaken there, then he is in the same chapter as when she “dies” which is still very curious), the Prince’s ability to read DNA, the ability of anyone with Green EDEN to change the DNA structure of a living organism, Noah’s comment about his ability to regenerate his and Meyrin’s reproductive organs (it’s the cloning tech, not him in any sense), the strength Lacus can bring to Kira, the Salvation and the Lucifer (why would Kira need two Gundams? The only logical conclusion at this point is that he will join one side, then return to another), the Deathstalker Venom which you said was for criminals but could just as easily be used to silence someone, rooms paneled with Blankwood to hide the echoes of an Edenite’s mind, the sheer stupidity of throwing away the oldest Neo-Human so recklessly, and then there is the very curious way in which the link was broken. All of these little things, each in and of themselves not that significant. Yet a mighty river does not spontaneously generate itself out of nothing (It has been my experience that nothing of worth does). Instead, many smaller sources of water come together to form it, and to power it.
Of course I still could be deluding myself, except that someone familiar has said some very interesting things… (Off topic a bit, but a flying, or a levitating Leviathan, sounds totally cool. I imagine though that she would be very vulnerable in that state) Now why would our dear Kira have any mental scarring? Wouldn’t that mean that someone, probably someone powerful, used his Newtype powers to influence our beloved (how I wretch when I write that word in connection to him) Kira? Thank you Rihaku. You have been very thought provoking.
But enough of this speculation. Time will tell whether the Harpy lives or not. In the mean time, let us explore what you have written. For the Author’s Note, don’t worry about me jumping ship. A little think like Lacus getting killed (or not) is nothing to scare me away. I realize now that the story has not yet reached perfection. Durandel and Natalia still live, and I very much want one of them meet and make acquaintances with a pack of Cold Hunters, hopefully that Cold Hunter Chimera in Brazil… Ahh, what a mental image that makes. (Smiles!)
Now the first part was a bit disappointing. I was looking forward to seeing some interaction between Hieronymo and Kira, but Kira just had to be a donkey with the traits of a clam, and not say anything! Useless! Useless! USLESS! Fortunately for him he redeems himself later on, but that is for later on. Surface to say that I am impressed by Hieronymo. Oh he has his problems, like fawning over Lacus, but it has been a long while since humans have been perfect, so it is okay. Once he puts some distance between himself and Lacus, I am sure that he will gain a much better disposition, much like an alcoholic that gives up that accursed substance Alcohol for a few years. I am also intrigued by the shuttle. Normally I don’t like bio-tech, but I don’t think this strictly qualifies at such. If I can get past the wood (all I need do is say it will soon be soaked with the wicked blood of the USN), then I like the shuttle. I checked the Mobile Suits and Ships page, but I could not find it under the Edenite section. Hopefully you will come up with the specs soon.
The next part had a few interesting moments in it. One being that if Akira was still alive that he and Violet might have been a couple. The image of Kira and Cy being in-laws is still funny. And who knows, it might come true. Dead is such a relative term. But it is obvious that Kira is reaching his breaking point in regards to Orb. The rage is building, and it will be a might house thanks in part to the firm foundations of separation and misunderstanding that is lurking at the bottom of Kira’s relationship with every one of the CF, expect Katie and Yzak. In fact we got a good taste of what hopefully is to come, but more on that later. The last thing I will say on this part is that my feelings on Kira might be changing. The passion and ferocity he placed in his declaration of revenge was truly heart warming, and at last the death of “Peace Kira” is at hand.
On the subject of Dark Kira, I feel that that term is misused. To me, Dark Kira is a term best used for Kira’s that share a similarity to Frost, though not with the same genocidal qualities to their mind. A perfect example of Dark Kira (the best I have ever found) is in a fic called Humanity’s Judgment. Maybe you have read it, maybe you haven’t. I have it in my Favorites, but I don’t think the author fully finished it. Still it has like 80 chapters. In that story, Kira was corrupted by a third Clone of Al la frag my ass (the last name fits when talking about Mu’s father), and he became a man that killed billions, even most of his former crew and helped set up the PLANTs as the sole power in the world while giving rise to the UCs by means of the birth machines.
The Kira you seem to be molding is not Dark, not in the way Dark is used as a synonym of Evil. I think it would be more appropriate to call the Kira of CC and somewhat ED as “Pacifist Kira” or “Advocate Kira”, or simply “Nice Kira”. The Kira I see forming still has the basic framework. He isn’t abandoning the morals he has built his life on, nor does he seem to be adopting the “ends justify the means” mindset. Yet he is hardening. His actions toward Cagalli prove that the Pacifist, or the Niceness of his, is being consumed by the fires that “took” Lacus and the kids. This new Kira is not Dark, but is more of a Soldier, a Prosecutor, or Steel Kira. To put it in a another way, the Kira of CC and ED was a man of grace and mercy to his enemies, expect the most evil of them. This new Kira seems to be a man of Justice. If evil has been committed, then it will be up to the master of the Inferno, Lucifer, to drag them down to hell and punish them. That seems to me what Kira will become. A punisher, a man of ruthless Justice who seeks vengeance for his wife and children.
That brings me to another point. If Kira is to descend to Prosecutor Kira, then it seems at some point he will come back to his previous settings of Pacifist, Advocate, and Nice. The reason is that you have kept the name of Salvation for Kira’s Orb Gundam. Salvation is closer to grace and mercy then to justice, and so it seems to me that Kira will discover something, or someone, midway through the story and will forsake Lucifer, to come back to Orb and bring Salvation to Earth Space.
It is too early to tell though. But I think what I have just said is not too far off the mark. But back onto the review of chapter 10.
Now this is just my personal opinion, but I think the funeral scene was an absolute waste of time. Part of it stems from my own personal opinions on Funerals. Why in the name of the Word would you give thousands of dollars to some man just to put someone in a box and bury them? It is stupid! When I die I will make it my post mortem mission to cheat the undertakers out of as much money as I can. The second reason is, well you should know what the second reason is.
I was much more interested in Kira’s part of it. It is very telling when Kira asks for Stormhounds to go with him covertly on anything. Then came the part where Kira actually hit Cagalli. I have so sympathy for Cagalli. Kira told her not to touch him, and she went in did it. Now there are times when you need to push ahead, but you should always bear the consequence if you are hurt in doing so. What impresses more is the fact that Kira was able to not apologize, which he shouldn’t have to. He is sticking to his guns, and is not backing down. Of course this provides so excellent material for Frost to Work with on that evil night (October 31st). Athrun will know something happened, and will probably get Lexi to tell him.
On the subject of Lexi, just how is Frost going to do the things he plans on doing with her watching? I mean, isn’t Lexi everywhere? And if she is, she would know where Kira is and where Frost is. Wouldn’t that negate Frost’s attempts to make the others think badly of Kira since she is the perfect alibi?
Now onto the Frost part. It is nice to see that Frost has finally made it to Orb. I still have one question though. How in the world did Frost make it across the Pacific Ocean? I mean, what was the Leviathan doing during that time? Or Gorefin? Did Frost scare them off or did Yggdrasil send a messenger to them asking them to let him through? Hopefully Frost will let us know later on.
Well Frost got his first kill in Orb and then took the car. One thing I do agree with Frost on is the automated driving. I mean, okay. I can see its usefulness on Space Colonies (actually I agree with Akire here. They are Coordinators! How can they get into traffic accidents when they have such superior skills?), but here? To me Frost’s mission should be to get humanity to learn how to drive on its own again. The humans you have are so lazy! It is pathetic! Where is the spirit that conquered an entire planet! Please oh please let Frost come soon so that the citizens of Orb can learn, once more to drive without Lexi!
| The Blizzard Alchemist chapter 10 . 7/2/2010
You know, the more I read this chapter and last chapter the more open I am to the idea to Lacus being alive. But what seems truly important is that *Kira* now truly believes with all his heart that they are dead. I'm enjoying Kira's time painting it black (yes, an awesome song) to care either way at this point.
I'm actually feeling more sympathetic for Cagalli at the moment. I'm sure that Lacus being gone would be devastating, and sending the entire Orb military is probably something that she would have done when she was younger. But now, she is balancing the welfare of her country against the need to satisfy herself and her brother.
The duality of Frost and Kira also fully struck me this chapter, reminding me of what Frost said in the Omake. Each has always sharpened the other. Frost fights against Kira and his injuries make his regenerative processes stronger. Frost then uses his body's chemicals to make Kira go through his second adolescence. Kira, in part due to the transformation, is able to kill Frost. Then, because Frost is a memory imprint Noah is able to give him an even more powerful body with Kira's face. Now, Frost is poised to damage all of Kira's emotion ties, pushing him to be stronger on his own. With all respect for Chris Nolan, I think they're destined to do this forever.
| LightningEarl chapter 10 . 7/2/2010
I can't imagine myself jumping ships. I'd die if I do that. I'm too interested in how things will go right now, anything that would prevent me from reading any future chapters is fatal. Totally fatal.
This chapter was really moving. I felt my eyes watering, tears were threatening to fall. It was too emotional. I can't take it! Your funeral scene is the most well-written funeral scene I have ever encountered in the world of fanfiction. Lacus was so influential, even I could totally feel the loss that came after her death. It was truly shocking but nevertheless, it made the story more intriguing.
KiraViolenceDark Kira. Oh please come soon! Let Frost be the stepping stone to your inner evil! Although by the way you portrayed Kira's feelings, I'm having doubts on how low Kira could go. I was thinking of massacre but now, I'm not so sure. Hmmmmm...
Frost is still too awesome. I just love this villain(but that doesn't mean I want him to live. I want to see him die/lose in a very satisfying way just like the way he was killed in Chaotic Cosmos.) With Kira being emotionally unstable, Frost would have the advantage. But I still doubt he'll be able to fool Kira's close friends and family. I mean, Kira is like the greatest pacifist in the history of Gundam. He's too kind to kill an enemy let alone kidnap other people's children just because he them to suffer like the way he did. Yeah right. Go fool someone else. It'll be better for Frost to just kidnap them, don't leave any evidences behind except for a video footage of the actual kidnapping and disappear for good.
You've seen this coming but I'm gonna repeat it all over again. PLEASE. UPDATE. SOON! Thanks!
| Skyfall v2.0 chapter 10 . 7/2/2010
A well constructed funeral events, the largest part of the chapter was - even though it was done through the impersonal form of narration, i would say you managed to capture the feeling of a large-scale mourning pretty well. I was hoping to hear what Gil would have to say on this (the death of Lacus opens the door for all sorts of possible schemes, especially given he should know they died in Edenite territory, since the previous chapter commented the orbital fleets know about the pink shuttle, just don't do anything about it ... he could even try to twist this event to blame the Edenites for Lacus death, thus pretty much gaining any and all public support for whatever scale operations he might need).
One part i didn't really like was Cyprus pressing on with the questions though - it fits his character and probably "procedure" to some extent, but what immediately stood out for me was the fact you tried explaining his action with "He didn't really know why he was doing it, but pressed on anyway" - in my opinion such a detail is best left out at all, when such a justification is used for a character to act in a certain way, it feels rather "cheap", as it is basically trying to justify an action the character himself doesn't understand, in turn making it a rather obvious string the author is pulling to make a character act a certain way because the story needs it - in this case, getting us an official lab confirmation that the arm is indeed Lacus - these things wouldn't have been OOC for Cyprus to ask anyway, there really was no need to bring in the "he doesn't know why he is doing it, but does it anyway" card ... it made the whole deal a bit cheaper, imo.
Now on to the fun part ... the angsty Kira. It is perfectly understandable why he acts that way (Though i do believe Cagali could have rather easily pulled some strings to set him up with a few "on holiday" Stormhounds that could have snuck out, to at least put Kira's mind at rest if nothing else, so it felt a bit obvious setup for the things to come), but what had me going "whoo boy!" was when the scene switched to Frost ... the very second Frost was shown to be in the vicinity, it dawned on me how Kira can be screwed twice over - Kira is now in a questionable state of mind and just has shown a tendency for violence (Even though he really is just pissed ... a lot of pissed, but that is not how others are going to see it), and we have Frost in Kira's body in town ... things can go very very bad for Kira from here, courtesy of Frost.
Still, i wonder about Lexi though - being the near omnipresent guardian of Orb that she is, shouldn't she be able to use her sensors to determine this person is "not" Kira (Hm ...though that might be a bit difficult with Frost being built from Kira's DNA now, although he is still jam packed with nanomachines and QC, which she could detect probably), or else have records of Kira being at another location at the time. Regardless, initial confusion if Frost starts 'messing around' should be pretty high and Kira could get accused of many bad things, which many would probably buy with his current mindset.
On another note, liked the description of the Edenite ship - looks like they are going for "biological" materials indeed ... it will be interesting to see more of their tech.
In many ways this was a breather chapter - like the wind drawing in breath before blowing at a forest fire ... all sorts of Bad Things are prone to happening right now, and i will be here to savor them all :)
| gatorfan chapter 10 . 7/1/2010
Don't worry, I won't be jumping ship. I'm in it for the long haul. I can't imagine coming this far and not finding out how it all ends.
Kira's doing about as good as I expected. It's a shame Cagalli isn't able to send out a team to investigate, but things are the way they are. I did feel bad for Cagalli after he hit her and just left, even if it was just an accident. She was only trying to help. I do hope Kira is able to stop more of the White EDEN from being used. That stuff is horrible.
And now Frost is in Orb, which makes things even scarier. I knew he wouldn't be happy when he found out Lacus was already dead. Though I'm starting to have some doubts now that I think back on some of the events of the last chapter.
Keep up the awesome work and I can't wait for more.
| OrangeP47 chapter 10 . 7/1/2010
Not as much to say this time, predictably. I must say, this will probably mess around with other character's intro chapters. I was looking forward to the Elsman's and Joule's chapters, but alas. Not that I'm discounting them now, just thinking about what could have been, heh.
Now onto things relevent to the chapter at hand. I'm surprised the stormhounds didn't do anything durring Cagalli and Kira's "fight". Sure, I really wouldn't want to try anything with Kira right now, but...
Also, as I've said about three times now, It's good to see Frost again. I'll admit, I snickered a bit during the last few lines. Not like I want him to win, but he's interesting.
As a final note, looking back through the char sheets, are all the kids coordinators? I like it that way, don't get me wrong, I'm just checking. Though I'll admit, I find a bit of irony that Violet would be one too, but it shows how far we've come.
| Windam X chapter 10 . 7/1/2010
Oh God... Please don't tell me that Frost is going to be able to fool everyone because of how Kira's actual state of mind is right now. Darn, talk about a lucky coincidence for Frost.
Now I wonder, are Lacus and the kids really dead? even if that was Lacus' arm I am not convinced due to some arguments and details given by other reviewers, and I'm also wondering if Lacus and Kira's connection was merely BLOCKED by some outside force, possibly Yggdrasil or another supreme Edenite, and her death staged as part of a deeper plan or scheme. As Monty pointed out some of the Edenites can see the future or at least pretty accurately predict it, Maybe Kira's road to darkness is necessary for something?
Of course all this is baseless musings without reading in between the lines, but I just can't see you killing someone as important as Lacus off in that kind of sudden way and with such minor follow up details. That's not to say that you wouldn't kill Lacus or Kira off permanently but I just can't see it being like this, not after the odds they've beaten to make it to this point. I don't think that you would have reassured us the way you did in the beginning of this chapter either if she was completely gone, as you've said we haven't even scratched the surface of this story yet to be making any absolute judgments yet.
| Rihaku chapter 10 . 7/1/2010
Regarding flying Leviathan, I imagine it'd be much easier to pull off if she were being amplified by her foster father. He doesn't have to be in the gundam to pilot anyway.
My main concern with this chapter is that there's a level of telling-not-showing with Kira's reactions, especially after the spaceport scene, with its clumsy but effective Cyprus staggering. The Lacus funeral in particular was a lot of narration with not much immediate intensity, and while it does, in a subtle kind of way, convey the numbness Kira must be feeling, I feel like it could have been a much more successful scene than it was. It's interesting that Cagalli & Co. don't suspect Kira's mind of having been tampered with by the Edenites. Speaking of which, has the scarring set in? If it has, you want to make that mental shift towards a different Kira dialogue-wise.
One thing you may want to be careful about, especially as distance from the Lacus event increases, is to ensure that Kira doesn't end up sounding like Anakin did in Ep. 3 - petulant and stupid. Especially now that he's 30, he really ought to convey more Vader. Well, I feel that both the Kira and Cagalli dialogue, and to a degree the Cyprus and Frost dialogue, in this chapter, could have used a lot of work. If I could give a blanket suggestion, I would say that everyone needs to talk less, and in clippier sentences. You have an especial opportunity to implement this habit here, since it'd also have the benefit of solving the 'Kira sounds like Hans Chirstenssen' issue. Given the scarring, he should say more with less. Vader doesn't try to explain the Force to his admiral, he just notes that "I find your lack of faith...disturbing." Well, I'd rather not give you imprecise critique any more than I'd want to give unwarranted (rather than warranted) praise, so we'll go line by line.
Starting at 'Kira, we don't have proof...'
"We can't prove it was an attack!" Cagalli's hands were bone-white claws through her golden mane. She exhaled, attempting to place her legs in a more assertive stance but constricted by the black-and-silver gown she wore. "I believe you, it doesn't sound like a natural fire, but I can't send an unofficial team for the same reason I can't send an official one! Jiro controls the military, and he cares, but he's not going to risk Orb at this juncture, not without concrete proof!"
"Because I've lied many times before."
"For god's sake, Kira, you know what I meant!" Cagalli crossed her arms in a huff. "You were in the middle of a massive fire, and being bombarded with emotions from Lacus and the kids. You're not the most stable witness, and you got hit in the head by a tree!"
"I see. I'm merely unreliable. I just can't remember _why_ Lacus and Akira and Aoi are now ash." He regarded her with flat, cold eyes.
"You're traumatized, don't try to deny it!" Cagalli hissed back, swiping the air in front of her. "You don't sleep, you don't eat, and if Athrun didn't check up on you, you wouldn't even wash! You're falling apart, little brother, everyone can see it! ..."
Kira raised his voice, emphasis falling harder on every subsequent word. "Lacus died not a hundred feet from me. I. FELT. HER. BURN! How am I _SUPPOSED_ to look? Would you look differently if it'd been Allister and Athrun?" He met her eyes, tone cutting. "How did you look when Kisaka died? I haven't run from my family."
"No, instead you mock and antagonize us when we try to help!" Cagalli answered, ire rising. "You did the same damn thing when Noah poisoned Lacus...different now. Sorry I wasn't in my right mind after being tortured, guess I'm weak...Sorry I lack the ability to be immune to...fine the way I was, and I'm not sure she was wrong!"
"I never asked for this! But I am an Ultimate Coordinator. This is what I am. And I am certain. I know Lacus was murdered."
I'd cut the whole 'handicap' thing, it doesn't make sense for thirty year olds of their maturity and political experience to be making cheap shots like this. They sound petulant and ineffectual rather than genuinely wounded, and while that's fine when it's intended, in this case you'd want to keep that impression subtle at most.
I would do -
"Enough. Let me be alone," Kira pleaded resignedly.
"That's not happening, Kira. Talk to me. I'm your sister, your family. (implied: THE only family you have left) Talk to me." Cagalli reached out for his shoulder.
"Don't touch me," Kira intoned. "I don't need sympathy, I need answers. If you can't help, leave. I'll do it without you."
The unintentional hitting part is okay, could do with a bit more brevity and impact.
"I'll be at home," Kira announced, turning away. "Alone. Don't call, don't visit. If you have a team ready, tell me. Otherwise, you aren't welcome." Cut the blind world line, that shouldn't be his priority right now. Also, I'm pretty sure he's aware he's acting like a dick, I would have done "He hoped Lacus wasn't watching him from heaven, because he would bring hell itself to earth if it gave her justice."
The ending of the scene's good, though I'd say "receding back" instead of "brother leave," just for more showing than telling.
Frost scene - Didn't really convey rage, I feel like he should have been incoherent, seeing red, and tearing shit up, temporarily discarding his pretense of acting in the interests of the good and regressing to the self-centered monster that he truly is.
Well, it's been a while since I've gotten deep into the text like this, but we have to keep you on your toes, slice off the fat. Don't let the reviews get to your head, and, despite minor flaws, you do good work.
Don't let it delay your release schedule, but if you do have long, dialogue-crucial scenes in the future, I think you should PM and get them beta'd if I get to them in time.
| Air-Quiet-Reader chapter 10 . 7/1/2010
*Some spoilers to the Deathly Hallows featured in this review. Don't read if you intend to read the book/watch the movie and have not already.*
Arg..that hurt. Whether or not you killed Lacus, you have to be one of the few writers on this site to have had such a full fledged funeral and mourning for Lacus's death like that.
Much like J.K. Rowling in her last instalmment, you have done a superb job of capturing the emotion of the death without necessarily killing the character- which I though a brilliant ploy. The impact is subtracted somewhat by the fact people can read the reviews, and thus be much less certain on Lacus's death (as was the case with Rowling's character, whom I was sure was going to die), but it is still a large impact. (and were there no reviews, it may well have been one of the few moments in my many readings that brought tears to my eyes).
Kira is acting pretty much as expected..dark and angry. And of course, the discordance comes in Cagalli's inability to act in his favor- something I anticipated when I figured Kira's dark transofmration occuring. Nice to see Cagalli stick with him despite it, strengthens my respect for her.
And Frost..it hadn't occured to me he'd be suspectible to the glasshouse, but that's clear if one thinks about. Surely it could be something Orb and perhaps the EDENites use to their advantage in the future.
Yup, Frost gets really angry and wants vengence. Indeed pretty much how one would expect him to react. To think this maniacal obsession merely started because Lacus told him to go away and slapped him..*reminses* simpler times.
Now assumably, Frost is going to go impersonate Kira. And perhaps try to kidnap their children, though that remains uncertain. I do hope that the character would be smart enough to not think Kira would steal their children, for some BS reason like "I'll make you suffer like I have!" Kira's down and dark, but I do not believe Frost can pull off his personality at all, and that anyone close enough to Kira would see it. And I do not believe they would honestly think Kira, one of the greatest peacemakers ever who detests violence and suffering, would be so evil as to kidnap and/or hurt their children or ORB, or as bitter as to try to inflict this damage to make them feel like he does. It is clear Kira is still sticking to his ideals here, he's just not going to be as nice or peaceful about it, and may lose some of the one's about killing.
Fantastic, emotional chapter. Now I'm going to go put my mind on other thing's to keep from further depression.
| Knightmare Gundam of Ni chapter 10 . 7/1/2010
At this point, I think my review for last chapter could be used to semi-accurately convey my reactions as to this chapter, only less of a 'surprised and horrified' tone and more of a 'next ticket to Alpha Centauri, one way please' tone.
Going on, there is a slight sense of relief that Frost missed out on the chance to do anything...well...Frosty, to Lacus and the kids. And a slight bit of guilty glee at him being robbed of his 'fun'.
I don't suppose next chapter is going to see a Frost/Kira confrontation (of sorts) is there? Maybe some kind of a 'piss off, I'm hunting my wife's killer' thing?
| AtrumUnas chapter 10 . 7/1/2010
Not bad overall. I was more interested in seeing how the spaceport worked than with the funeral. As you said, some things can't be fully emphasized with words. This was one of them. As a result, I basically felt nothing through this chapter until Kira slapped Cagalli. I felt a shiver, which means that that part was very well written. I cannot wait to see how low Kira can go since I'm already loving Dark Kira. Makes me wonder what I'm going to do with my Kira, now.
Frost, on the other hand. This is going to be downright juicy.
On a side note, I don't know what you have planned for Ysak, Dearka and Athrun, but it should probably be something important. As it is, it looks like the 3 of them are quickly becoming obsolete when compared to an army of 20-something Kira Yamatos in Vengeance Level Gundams... Well, that brings up something entirely different, but I'll wait. Anywho, the non-Newtype Gundam Pilots seem to have been placed firmly at the disadvantage in the piloting theatre when there are thousands of Edenite pilots out there who not only possess their Seed Modes, but also have the advantage of Newtype senses (Ysak doesn't count). Even during the Eden Disaster it seemed as though the Redcoats were taking a backstage role when compared to Kira and even Shinn. How are you going to set it up such that these guys are superior to the Edenites? And what kind of side-plots are you going to have that involves them?
Now, on to the other thing. Monty's wife said that the USN would find out what it was like to fight against a legion of 20-something Kira Yamatos in Vengeance Class Gundams. Well, quite frankly, that doesn't make a ton of sense considering that Kira, by the time he was 20, was already an Ascended Ultimate Coordinator having gone through his Second Puberty. Beyond that, you said that Kira and Athrun were basically humanoid Chimerae when compared to their counterparts. So, what kind of skill is the average Edenite pilot going to have, what skills are they going to have to call on and how would the Kira of the Eden Disaster fair against them? Same question for Athrun, Ysak and Dearka.
Last question. When exactly does an Edenite go through their Second Puberty. I know, for someone who is born an Edenite, it's around their 30s. However, there's an entire civilization of people who were turned into Edenites and not all of them were teens and 20-somethings. Take Monty, for example. He was 40 something when he was turned into an Edenite; does that mean that when he was converted he was automatically a fully matured Edenite? Or had he yet to go through his Second Puberty before his death? Does a converted Edenite even go through the Second Puberty? And if so, and also if they are past the standard age of the Puberty, when does it happen?
| muciope chapter 10 . 7/1/2010
I really can't see Kira waiting around for 10 days.. He possesses an intellect of superhuman caliber, he should've computed his probabilities regardless of grief or trauma. I guess he was waiting around for the funeral? I hardly see the plausibility. Weigh the priorities: sticking around knowing that something is going down or acting on his superhuman instincts?
In the future, if Noah gets released, and Frost and Kira and Noah are all fighting in nth Gen gundams against Durandal.. O baby, that would be one HELL of a orgasmic battle~
Cheers & keep up the good work.
| kiman1917 chapter 10 . 7/1/2010
ROFL! I KNEW FROST WAS GOING TO BE PISSED... the families of the protagonists WATCH OUT! A MONSTER IS IN TOWN!
| Play4ever chapter 9 . 6/30/2010
ok.. kiling Lacus and the kids I did not see that coming. Now I cant help but wonder what you are planing. :D