|Reviews for Letters of the Heart|
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 10/29/2012
a very strong girl, physically, mentally, emotionally, and morally
[Dunno about morally, but I think that her lack of back-planning and ambition means that I’d have to argue against strength mentally (though she is definitely emotionally robust: despite being rebuffed by Ranma, she’s always smiling the next time). She was a celebrated combat prodigy in her home, but she seems content to be trampled repeatedly in pursing the first outsider who kicked her butt in a fight]
The Shampoo I know wouldn't want such things like this to get out."
[Your paragraph breaks are clear, but this sentence looks like Cologne’s speech pattern, not Ranma’s]
Even without the chained iron
[“beside” more than “without”, since he’s still wearing the weights. A martial artist of Ranma’s caliber wouldn’t be really hindered by them, but would be reminded of them in such a situation and might appreciate the irony]
not necessarily at Ranma but more at herself for apparently allowing herself to stagnate
[Ironic, given the likelihood of her not keeping up on her training in Nerima]
demanded his comfort her
When I finally meet them, maybe I will!"
[Amusing. I’d actually been expecting Ranma to comeback from Genma’s ‘respect your betters’ for a long time in canon, then in fanfics, but it’s curiously rare]
when she wasn't doing anything devious at least
[She’s not a chessmaster/puppetteer, but how often ISN’T she doing something devious? Granted, that’s one of the reasons I like her character, but still…]
her cheeks. "Nani?"
[Either she’s mumbling gibberish or some Japanese has slipped into the story. I know the setting is in Japan, but the story language is in English and I always figure ‘stick to one language whenever possible’. A “huh” or “wha…” or something like that conveys exactly the same information, and doesn’t jar from one language to another. Wakarimasu ka?]
handle the elder Saotome
[Well, he does consistently underestimate her, but if he ever actually put focus and didn’t go easy on her he could probably take her down quickly. Genma’s a lot of things, but the series is relatively consistent about his keeping up with Ranma…at least up until the last some odd volumes of the manga]
he was unusually focused on getting some kind of answer
[Indeed, he usually allows easy escape tactics to work even when he HAS to know what they are]
If there's anything you think I should add into this story, or ideas you have that you think could compliment the story, feel free to PM me at your earliest convenience
[As you’ve stated earlier (and likely already mentioned if Rewind is your beta, he’s extremely meticulous), one of the big problems is not that Ranma has one complication (romantic or otherwise), he’s caught in a whole web of them. As far as any legal basis (since goods were actually exchanged in addition to a verbal contract) Ukyo has more of a claim on Ranma than the others, even though she really does have the least real attachment and easiest means of packing up and going out to live her own life. Removing/dealing with and tying up her line would mean that Ranma has fewer distractions AND excuses regarding the lack of compatibility between he and Akane, as well as barriers between he and Shampoo – amusingly, if Ukyo never came in to tie with Shampoo’s place, the amazon would probably be doing a good job of tugging Ranma away from Akane.
Then there’s Kodachi (somewhat in the anime and even more from the manga she’s bonkers in a dangerous sense, she could suddenly decide that getting a new Mister Green Turtle or hooking up with Mikado Sanzenin is more important than Ranma). Along those lines, I can see her doing something vicious along the same morally black lines as what Akane did in the early part of “Unfair Warning” by Durandall. Ranma has a protective complex, which is probably a big part of why he stays around Akane, but if she were unscathed and Shampoo took something serious then you can bet against Nabiki that Ranma’d be hovering over her shoulder to make sure nothing else happened to her. As I mentioned in Unfair Warning, if Shampoo hadn’t been the first “test target” for reprisal, it’s likely she’d have been killed. The only issue is that if Ranma is the one to stop it then it would probably just bring things back to square one (though there are plenty of other options, I just don’t know if Cologne would let Kodachi live if she ever came after Shampoo, or what might happen if the police were actually there for one of the fiancée brawls, because that kind of property damage is looking at criminal court). Heck, maybe Ukyo or Kodachi try something against the other and Mousse ends up the one who stops it (the issue is that I’m still uncertain if he has enough morals to not watch them kill each other, he seems to waver from “gray” to “black” depending on the episode/volume)]
I’m very impressed at your writing. The basic technical qualities are good, and your characterization and interactions are excellent. You’ve done a lot of thinking through the possibilities and sorting through both what’s true to canon and what’s likely in a more realistic take, I can definitely see Rewind’s scientific hand in the backdrop but you’ve done an excellent job of putting things together. This has definitely proven to be a very good story and I truly hope that you haven’t wholly given up on it because it has wonderful potential. Pity it hasn't been updated in more than a year.
| Sonic Wooten chapter 2 . 7/29/2012
I really enjoy this story line and i'm very much looking forward to where you may take this story!
| Rose1948 chapter 2 . 4/29/2012
Just finished reading the two chapters you have posted. Well done, my dear! VERY well done! I honestly hope you continue this. Letters like Shampoo's come from the heart. I know. I've written a couple of them IRL myself. ::nods::
As for bashing, well, I second rewind gone nuts' statement(s) on his profile page. And Rumiko Takahashi does some bashing herself. At least in the manga she does. I still haven't been able to view the anime. ::chuckles:: Perhaps before my 64th birthday...
Take care and thanks for sharing.
| Ronald12 chapter 1 . 2/12/2011
I've been waiting a long time (last year) for the continuation of your fic... I haven't lost hope. Updat your story :) do it! plz,
| primrosefey3 chapter 2 . 12/23/2010
PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE,finnish this story! I really enjoyed this story and I LOVE the way you make Ranma feel so guilty. I am tryin to come up with my own story. I'm reviewing the series tryin to find every single detail to make Ranma to feel as guilty as humanly possable.
| Master Buzz chapter 2 . 12/13/2010
This is a great story idea update soon
| Hiryo chapter 2 . 9/13/2010
Oh a real nice way to get RanmaXShampoo together and can't wait for more of it.
Please update soon!
| Dark Vizard447 chapter 2 . 8/24/2010
For the record, Shampoo has purple hair, not blue. Akane is the one with blue hair
| R.T.Stephens chapter 2 . 8/18/2010
Great update and keeping things moving along. There's a lot of exposition on the characters' inner thoughts and workings but it's enthralling enough to keep my interests. Getting these characters to slow down and start thinking about things is a trial in of itself. I'm looking forward to how they react to all the new things they are learning, particularly Ranma. He's a tough nut to crack when it comes to figuring out what he's thinking and feeling.
I don't want Ranma to feel too guilty about Shampoo's situation though. She's done things that haven't helped her with getting Ranma to like her. Though maybe a little understanding between the two is beginning to take form.
Eagerly awaiting more!
| James Birdsong chapter 2 . 8/18/2010
| Franzibald chapter 2 . 8/17/2010
Ooh, very nice. Good to see this updated finally. Overall it was a quite fine chapter, made some decent developments certainly! I particularly like the interaction between Ranma and Shampoo; it’s always fun to see those two together in their essence. I am somewhat disappointed though that we didn’t get to see anything from the ACTUAL letter, especially considering the name of the story. Not directly seeing it is a God damn bait and switch! I want my money back!
In all seriousness though, I would have liked to see at least PART of the contents of Shampoo’s message. Since you’re taking things into consideration, maybe you could put a little excerpt of the letter at the beginning of each chapter? You know, to bookend things between the author’s note and the rest of the story? Just a thought, I know some people like to do things like that, though it might make the whole piece come off as a bit schmaltzy.
Spelling and grammar was good, didn’t really notice anything that needed direct correcting, the whole thing was pretty much clean. My only gripe, if you don’t mind me mentioning it, was the sole use of the word “Nani”, as spoken by Shampoo. Now, I suppose I could go into how it was just a randomly thrown in a Japanese word for a piece that was roughly entirely in English up to this point. (Sans various sans and such) And I could REALLY grill you on the fact that because it was a certain Amazon who spoke it, it ultimately doesn’t give you a better feel for the culture surrounding them (One of the only reasons to add words like that in.) because she is inherently Chinese.
But no, my main reason for me not liking you using that word was because phonically, it sounds exactly like what I used to call my Grandmother before she died of “the lung cancer”, and as such I now have tears bawling down my face from remembering her.
Regardless though, good chapter! Can’t wait to see more!
| TheMaxx chapter 2 . 8/17/2010
The one thing I that most annoyed me about ranma was ranma. How he just plan refused to talk to any of the fiances. You captured the annoying things he does very well and I'll say it once and I'll say it again. This pairing of these two have to happen at least once in my lifetime. Cant wait for the next chapter:)
| Dark Vizard447 chapter 1 . 8/16/2010
Please update this
| chm01 chapter 1 . 8/11/2010
I have to say that I like the start of this parituclar story, it hints at so much and it's done so well that it leaves you looking foward to the next chapter and the contents of the letter, and the pairing is (to me at least) a relief in a fandom saturated of ranma/akane apirings
| TheMaxx chapter 1 . 6/8/2010
hope this turns into something, this is written well.