|Reviews for Once Upon a Time Machine|
| Eienvine chapter 5 . 7/1
This looks pretty abandoned, but if you ever pick it up again, I would love to read more! This is seriously great!
| Guest chapter 5 . 6/16
Please continue! You're such a fantastic writer!
| PrayerGirl chapter 5 . 2/21
Oh gracious! This story is so fabulous! Please update soon! Please write more!
| PrayerGirl chapter 2 . 2/21
Oh my gosh! That line about naming the baby Wilber! That was so clever!
| PrayerGirl chapter 1 . 2/21
Oh my goodness! This was so cute too! A great companion piece!
| I.D.Gr chapter 5 . 10/27/2014
Boy it's been a while. I can assure you though that upon what must be my 5th re-reading of this story that it's just as charming as I remember it was, if not way funnier. Now before I begin a spiel gushing all over the place, I'll go through some of my criticisms first, kind of like a good news/bad news scenario.
So, I think a big flaw here is your colourful sue of punctuation. All caps and elepsies certainly have their place in adding to the humour and inarticulate awkwardness of the characters but you shouldn't over-do it lest you distract from the text itself. Furthermore, is there a reason a lot of words in the middle of sentences are capitalised? And I think you meant 'tank top' in chapter 3.
I would edit out Cornelius' joking mention of being 'certifiably insane' (chapter 1) as it sounds a bit ableist.
The nerd/jock dichotomy seems to be hovering around sexist waters with Cornelius and the male characters' insistence on asserting their 'manliness' as opposed to being a 'sissy' or someone who invents a 'secretary' that does domestic chores rather than a military robot and that ending with the 'friendzone'.
Unlike a lot of fanfic authors, you rely on euphemisms less but all the same I'm not sure how relevant it is to refer to Cornelius as 'the blonde' or 'the blonde inventor'.
Your references to basic Italian seems pretty good but be careful it doesn't turn into too much of a 'gratuitous Italian' trope.
Finally, a few questions, did Cornelius actually say 'We'll name him Wilbur' after Gaston sings the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song? Was it a thought or did I miss something? Was he too enamoured by Franny when he said 'All who try will succeed ... Sometimes if they're actually good' to remember the Robinson family philosophy of celebrating failure? lol
NOW onto the good news: I dunno what your sister was talking about since this seems like the perfect romantic comedy, that or my distaste for generic romance means you're so bad at generic romance you've surpassed the genre. This is the perfect 'will they or won't they' teen crush parody that I imagine for Franny and Cornelius in their pre-dating years.
THE FRAMAGUCCI FAMILY DYNAMIC IS PURE GOLD. You're able to give enough background through dialogue without too much info-dumping, like the part with Auntie Marcella's maternity classes (which was hilarious) or Alfonzo's job as a contractor/construction worker.
The chaotic rivalries between the kids and the parents is amazing and I can tell we're in for some character growth as the siblings become less vicious to one and other and the Framaguccis clash with the Robinsons.
The contrast between Gaston and Art is amazing, you even have Gaston working at a hot-dog place to compliment Art's pizza job! Gaston's actually great in this fic, explored ever so slightly with mentions of his fascination with explosives, casual dating tendencies and then how he only got a job through his dad as a favour despite his 'track record'. I liked the little detail that Franny would always call Gaston for help instead of Art or the rest of her family. And more importantly, Gaston called Cornelius Corny, I've been waiting for someone to do that.
Alfonzo's interaction with Lucille and Bud was pretty cute as was his begrudging respect for Cornelius as he compared him to his kids. And of course Lucille baked cookies.
I'm sure someone's already mentioned in an older review that it's called the 6th Street Orphanage, though I'd hate to ruin an alliteration as perfect as '7th Stride Street'. Then again it still works with 6 anyway.
Nancy, and to an extent Kyle, fulfil their roles as 'the best friend' quite well. Despite being very flat characters due to how minor they are, they both have distinctive personalities that really solidify them. Cornelius needs some friends other than a son from the future and, frankly, Nancy's dialogue is near perfect.
I love the continuity of how Franny and Lizzie are friends (I think that was referenced in the video game maybe? I wouldn't know).
The mention of Franny's extended family in the third chapter had me hoping and now I'm really excited to see them all interact in the BBQ party. Ö
Now, I try not to be too pushy with updates but since you *did* yourself said you never leave a fic abandoned, I'm going to hold you to it. As long as it takes.
| TheDiiva chapter 5 . 9/18/2014
Ahhhhh, I love this story so much! I've reread it like, three times. You're characterization is absolutely amazeing, and your humour is perfect. I really love how Cornelius speaks and acts, its quirky and entertaining. I really hope that you're still working on this story, its really really good!
| LeLecteurMasqu chapter 5 . 8/6/2014
Wow, I can't believe this story hasn't been updated in two years! I actually looked for it to see if there was any update since the last time I checked, and I realised that. I find it kind of surprising, because when I started to read that story, the fifth chapter wasn't up yet. I hadn't realised it had been this long.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that even after all this time, I still check hopefully this story, from time to time. So there is at least one person still waiting for the next chapter. I understand that it's hard, sometime, to find inspiration or the time to write (or the will to write). But I really love this story and I hope, one day, I'll be able to read the rest of it.
So I'll keep checking your story from time to time, hoping for an update.
| secretslockedintheheart chapter 5 . 8/3/2014
can't wait for the next chp.
i feel sad that he hasn't got his kiss yet! :(
but i can't help laughing each time he doesn't get it. :P
| Impatient March15 chapter 2 . 7/31/2014
It's so awkward and sweet and real I could just die XD!
| Impatient March15 chapter 1 . 7/31/2014
I love getting both sides/ pov of the same story! The thoughts running through both their heads r always a treat to see. But my favorite detail was the debate/ discussion on Herod and heroines in books- so true
| Mille XD chapter 5 . 6/28/2014
OHMIGOSH,I TOTALLY SHIP THEM LIKE AHH 3 gosh,I'm fangirling again. xD anyway,I hope you could update this! I'd really like to see the ending and I'm sure a lot of others do too.
| Guest chapter 5 . 6/24/2014
I love it! I know its been two years since you last updated but i really love how you write and i want to know moooore
| lovepadfoot chapter 5 . 6/22/2014
Wow. Entertaining, brilliantly scripted, with on the dot characterization!
In other words, his is a beautiful story and you're a beautiful human being for writing it.
I'll be waiting for an update!
| Auua Ytjoml chapter 5 . 6/9/2014
His Mission Board is cute! great writing as always