|Reviews for Sticks and Carrots|
| GeorgeTobor chapter 13 . 2/14/2012
Genma saw Ku Lon undressed?
And I forgot, its not Soun who should be cursed and locked as a girl but Genma. Soun is the one who needs a new wife. After all Genma is lazy and does her best work on her back.
I wonder if Genma would call women weak after giving birth?
The best use of the panda is as a breeder anyway.
Thanks for what you have written and please write more.
| GeorgeTobor chapter 10 . 2/14/2012
Before someone kills Akane so she does not poison the city they should force feed her what she cooks then some toxic waste as desert.
Really, NONE of the canon characters have much if any honor. N.O.N.E.
The manga is not only episodic, meaning any timeline is mostly ignored by the creator, but also beyond cliche in the extreme.
I think it is a satire on honor, that's the only thing that makes sense.
Works of Satire fail as good stories though. Fanfiction is much better.
| GeorgeTobor chapter 9 . 2/14/2012
Unless the cat fist is fixed Ranma and Shampoo CANNOT get along.
And I think Akane must have been raped or something to mistrust all boys so much.
Also without trust Akane and Ranma just fails.
And there is no trust. None.
I will kill off Genma sometime and send him to Hell.
Really if he wants the "schools" joined that badly just dunk Soun in spring of drowned bimbo and lock the fool then marry her.
That would be a fitting punishment to both.
| GeorgeTobor chapter 7 . 2/14/2012
You like Nabiki?
Well it takes all kinds to make world...
Ranma/Akane is not my favorite paring but it has been done well.
That pairing is only possible by making both grow as people.
So any Ranma/canon girl paring means turing them into Out Of Character people not the twisted shadows they are in canon.
I would really like to see where you go with this.
Please, please, finish it.
| GeorgeTobor chapter 5 . 2/14/2012
Throw most of canon in the garbage where it belongs. If I wanted canon I'd go read it. I want something else, better perhaps, different certainly.
Genma should have his neck snapped to shut the fool up.
Soun needs a dunking in the spring of drowned girl because he does not act like a man.
Akane needs a good spanking in public.
Nabiki should be sold to the yakuza as a sex toy.
Ryoga should be killed, after all he tells Ranma "prepare to die".
Kuno should be raped by yakuza thugs, with his attitude he'd force himself on a girl so its a good punishment.
And so on...
Some day perhaps I'll be good enough to write some of that,
until then I'll hope someone else does first.
Thanks for the fic so far.
| GeorgeTobor chapter 4 . 2/14/2012
If you continue, a few ideas:
I don't like Akane, that she hits Ranma with the table, mallets, anything is not nice and shows she is abusive. Ranma never hits her like that, perhaps he should beat her like a drum...
I'd don't like Nabiki, she SELLS Ranma at one point! That is human trafficking or slavery and ILLEGAL! The Tendos have NO HONOR in my mind.
I could go on but none of the girls in the manga are anyone I'd like as a girlfriend or wife.
Make up an Original Character of your own is my advice, maybe some other amazon besides Shampoo. Does she have any cousins? In a village that small most should be related.
For real fun, just after Ranma rejects all the junk the manga piles on him/her and becomes an amazon or ally of them, bring in a crossover girl like Willow Rosenberg from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Someone who the amazons can say is another ally. Someone no one has written a fic pairing the up with Ranma yet. It need only be an introduction that Ranma takes seriously. Unlike the intro to the Tendos that falls flat and where he/she is rejected by all three girls thereby voiding the agreement in my mind.
I really really really hope you finish this sometime.
| GeorgeTobor chapter 2 . 2/14/2012
You can find the entire Ranma manga online in english. I've read parts of it. A great many of the original story arcs seem pointless and just filler between major arcs like Herb and Saffron.
| GeorgeTobor chapter 1 . 2/14/2012
Great start, needs to be finished some time, you could just hit the high points and use timeskips. The key parts of the Ranma saga are
Ryoga and learning ki blasts
The moxibustion arc
Ryu and the sen kens
Ranma with Ku Lon at his/her side as a teacher/friend/sidekick would be unstopable!
Becomeing an amazon after rejecting the pandas trap by declaring himself ronin would solve almost everything.
Genma has less honor than most ronin so that would be a step up for Ranma.
Please try to finish this sometime.
| marc chapter 13 . 5/23/2010
wonderful story, please continue it
| Riniko22 chapter 13 . 2/1/2010
Been a very entertaining read so far, sorry to see that you have not finished it or updated in many years. I hope that you will come back to finish it sometime in the future.
| Rune Tobor chapter 13 . 9/9/2009
Very nice, I like the premise to the story and hope some day or year you will finish it.
| Ganheim chapter 13 . 4/12/2009
“Ara… what do you mean,
staring at the feminine pulchritude gathered around them.
[It’s amusing how close that word is to ‘putrid’. Pure coincidence?]
You have more than sufficient reflexes to allow yourself to relax once in a while and trust them to protect you.”
[This reminds me of something I may not have clearly stated yet: if Cologne is putting Ranma through such intensive training, wouldn’t she be putting Shampoo through quite a bit of the rigor as well? She’s not at his level, but keeping her relatively near him could be important for opening up scheme possibilities]
water both dropped a mass
[Isn’t it ‘en mass’?]
This particular move was annoying,
[Repetition of ‘annoying’]
This for the large part exempted Ranma, given as he almost never actually personally caused property damage,
[He doesn’t blow up walls like Ryouga or Shampoo, but Ranma causes _plenty_ of wholesale destruction]
“Let them have their fun, teishi. It makes them feel useful.”
“No let fathers ruin game,” Xian Pu declared.
“Darn straight,” Akane agreed, turning to face the charge. “We’ll finish this after they’re dealt with.”
Ranma glanced at Ku Lon. “This’s gonna be interestin’.”
“Indeed. Shall we watch?”
[Now _that’s_ funny]
Wait! Look! A Godzilla-sized can of tuna!]
Xian Pu began to seethe.
[I was _so_ certain that there would be hell to pay for that sign, to the point that I thought the red spray was him instead of the watermelon. Extremely funny]
like “BAKA BAKA BAKA!”),
that would be a definitely unexpected benefit.
[If it’s channeled, it’s not very unexpected, is it?]
‘Airen’ was still considered permissible. ‘Darling’, Ku Lon had told her, was acceptable
[But…those are the same thing, just different languages]
backing away in a serpentine path as he held the eel back
[Oh, the ironic placement of those words. Or intentional]
“…” Ranma’s face was puzzled.
[And the empty ellipsis looks corny]
Akane stared after him open-mouthed as he zoomed away using his hands for feet.
[I think I would, too]
“Hey, oyaji, aren’cha
“I know that, Oyaji.
he seems to be a true-hearted, honest warrior (especially in book 38). He’s moderately psychopathic and hypocritical
[There’s truth to that, but I find that both his virtues and vices are less than other characters – so I don’t like him as much as some of the more spirited members of NWC, but I don’t dislike him as much as the less-self-controlled (keep in mind he doesn’t tend to lose it unless Ranma’s involved. You can thank Rumiko Takahashi for that comic device ruining us fanfic writers’ dramatics)]
and yet is easily turned aside in his devotion by just about any pretty face.
[I’ve never seen him ‘turned aside’ by anybody other than Akane. Granted, I haven’t seen Akari, but I’ve also heard her called a ‘canon Mary Sue’ by others so I don’t know how bad it is]
“Are ya crazy, oyaji?
Seeing a panda go gracefully and effortlessly airborne was just one of those totally weird things that no one ever expects to see, even when they know better. It was also one of those things that you had to accustom yourself to if you wanted to live in Nerima.
Ku Lon abandoned dignity for a moment and danced a jig.
[That’s like pink elephants – it’s just so weird I can’t visualize it]
Akane and Ryouga turned to see Ranma, who was doing an admirable job of controlling his spasms after sampling a bit of the concoction itself. (Meaning that he was only twitching slightly on the ground, rather than writhing in terrible contortions.)
[How true to the Ranmaverse]
‘More like he cannot turn you down,’
[A facet of Ryouga that I both distain and pity, as one of the things Akane _needs_ is somebody who will stand up to her and tell her when she’s wrong]
As long as the relationship is kept healthy
[…which definitely doesn’t describe them for a while]
if Ryouga mastered the technique at this stage, then that would rather ruin the true point of the training,
[Is this implying that the defense enhancement is a side-benefit of the ability to see chi nexi that the training actually develops? I’m just curious, that’s always been my personal stance]
You… You… BAKA!”
Pull th’ other one, oyaji,”
“…” Ku Lon spun the boulder
[Cliché empty ellipsis]
indents forming the kanji of Akane’s name speak for her.
[I don’t remember kanji in the manga or anime. I remember three characters: the hiragana for Akane’s name]
warnin’ ya, oyaji
The problem is that the farther I go in this, the more additional material I start adding.
[There’s nothing wrong with the story doing some writing itself, as long as you still have control of its direction. Having Beta readers helps with this]
I had forgotten about the fact that Ranma didn’t directly promise Ryouga, or say his promise out loud.
[Immaterial, he made his vow and in his mind it stands whether or not anybody outside knows about it: items like that are the proof that Ranma _does_ have a sense of honor, when he still stoops to winning by throwing yen at the ground and saying ‘look, pocket change!’]
advantages of the rivals equal power.
while those two BAKA beat
although Ku Lon could not for the life of her figure out why he was stashing them in the crook of his free arm and weighing himself down by carrying them.
[I never saw a point for that either, as later in the scene he’s apparently dumped them, and he never seems to use them]
‘I didn’t tell him that,’ she realized, feeling a little chill
[I don’t know about the chill, I always assumed that teaching him the technique without telling him that it only worked on stone was more a test than seeing whether he could complete the training]
although she had a reasonably educated guess.
[Why? She doesn’t yet have any evidence pointing to him being cursed]
Go figure, ne?)
[The mid-chapter author’s note was enough of a strain, the unnecessary Japanese is too much]
Of course, Ranma had another hand, and put it to good use blocking Ryouga’s second attack.
[Let’s hope Ryouga doesn’t try to attack with anything else]
broken at the trunk, ne?)
[Mid-chapter author’s note and unnecessary Japanese looks corny]
“BAKA!” Akane screamed
“Say goodbye to Akane for me.”
[Last you mentioned, she was _right there_]
“If I ever find a life-size M.C. Escher maze, I’m going to put that boy in it. He probably would navigate it perfectly.”
[Strangely, I can see that happening]
‘I wonder what is distracting her so much?’
“The boy will only improve, and become a better heir to the Masubetsu Kakutou Ryuu.
[Although this varied depending on the point in canon, and would have less strength in your story where she hasn’t been as confrontational with the Tendos, weren’t they still pretty much always suspicious of Cologne?]
Soun shook his head in confusion… hesitated… blinked… blanched…
she will never be a match for the ‘Dance of the Fish’ technique!”
[Anything related to Monty Python’s Flying Circus?]
“Feh, c’mon, oyaji,”
from having his trust, or even respect.
[He doesn’t call her ‘siifu’, but you’ve already acknowledged more than once that he’s come to respect her (faster than in canon, but she’s also proceeding less haphazardly, and by this point I’m more curious how things with other characters are progressing)]
On the hand, my miscalculation
Ryouga looked around,
[Was there any reason for this sudden, absolutely unexplainable interjection of Ryouga somewhere other than the scene we were following?]
and Genma, slightly dazed by the barrage of logic,
[Character bashing: although of the mild variety, Genma (while notorious for making stupid mistakes), is not a complete fool. Granted, this is funny and this section seems intended to be more humorous than the general story, but it’s still not a parody and therefore I’m going to give it a minimum level of ‘serious’ that also means it needs to remain true to the characters]
(Which in a way is good. If he had heard a terrible color that made his blood run cold, we’d be in an interesting situation, wouldn’t we?)
Will Ku Lon’s attempts to teach Xian Pu about dating help her, or dig her in deeper?
[I can’t see how some help will make her any worse off]
Pity that the seed of Akane and Shampoo working together at the beach was never expanded on, but that’s understandable. The story seemed to have fair characterization and good pacing, before it died. Alas, another potential gem breaks before completion
| Ganheim chapter 7 . 4/12/2009
Ku Lon knew that marriage to Xian Pu would probably be doomed before it started. Not only was the girl’s curse anathema to her intended’s greatest fear,
[So this is after Shampoo is cursed and returns, but before Cologne’s arrival? If the amazons are going to try to repair the rift, wouldn’t the damage have already been done by this point? Granted, the Cat Tongue arc was a serious blow, but I think that the gravest mistake was already done: Shampoo’s attempt to use Xia Fang Gao to wipe Akane’s memory of him, and her attempts to kill him. Just a thought]
(as he would suffer if he was simply taken in as Xian Pu’s Outsider husband),
[I dunno about that, if law requires bringing in outsiders, and if men aren’t second-class citizens (which I also wouldn’t assume), I would conclude that he’d be given at least a certain level of respect. He _did_ get the amazons’ attention by defeating Shampoo at the climax of their martial arts tournament]
Maybe even a friend?
[Is she really feeling a need for this? An interest in ‘bringing him into the fold’ yes, teaching him yes, but…maybe I’m reading too much the wrong way into this line]
Ranma’s eyes widened at the sight of the now-girl’s opponent,
[Based on the pattern, it seems like ‘now-girl’ refers to Cologne instead of Ranma. I think a subtle rephrase would improve that]
“/Hurry, Grandmother. I want to see him!\”
[Shampoo is indeed impulsive – more than is good for her, multiple times – but she’s not _this_ lacking in patience]
“/Yes. It is an esoteric technique attempted by few and mastered by less. Its common name is Patience.\”
and as Ku Lon had clearly commanded her to follow instructions, compensation was needed.
[Although this is entirely logical, Far East cultures are more…consistent on revering and obeying elders. Based on all I know of Japanese and the various Chinese societies, all Cologne would have to do is give the command (the lesson with it was above and beyond) and, particularly with her being Matriarch, she should be obeyed. Shampoo’s shown a willingness to disregard the laws in her pursuit of Ranma, but she’s also shown that she doesn’t expect any special leniency for being related to the Matriarch. I mention that because I’m not sure if that’s why you’re having Cologne take it easy on her or if there’s some other reason]
And Genma? ‘…I don’t like him. Pure selfishness and a decidedly low intellect.
[Stupid mistakes? Absolutely. _pure_ selfishness? No]
Just as I should have suspected, from Xian Pu’s prospective groom.”
Apparently the manga and anime say different things.
[Yes, neither say explicitly and neither is clear but they both seem to disagree. Some people pick 300 and base it off the anime, others pick 90 and base it on the manga, I say as long as you don’t focus too much on it then it’s not a stumbling block]
**-For those who don’t know, in the manga Ranma’s girl-form still has black hair.
[She’s also had pink and several shades of blue. I personally stick with the anime on that canon because at least it’s consistent, the manga probably has a dozen]
She’d like to see Ranma marry Xian Pu,
[She doesn’t seem very helpful on that front, which is especially strange to me as strong as familial loyalty is in Far East societies]
Ryouga’s fun, but he’s also a total jerk by my standards).
[You outta check out Code Geass. I _still_ don’t respect Suzaku, and I’m conflicted to this day as to whether I should respect or loathe Rolo]
Patience? Or subtlety? Which does that girl need most?’
[I answer: Yes]
Then, proving that perfection was impossible and that the universe did have a sense of equilibrium, the two cement cylinder halves also came to rest… on his head.
but not as legally problematic as a sword.
[…which various characters (including Shampoo) have gotten away with before]
[The empty ellipsis in manga I understand, since there’s a space constraint and it’s more difficult to show the passage of time. No such limit exists on prose, so it makes very little sense to use it here]
she rather deserved it, for getting Ranma into this fix.
in the manga, Ranma is crippled by his female form,
[The anime play-out of this is virtually the same, and I wouldn’t say he’s _crippled_, but he is set off-balance. He’s been forced to use it, but he’s more used to his natural reach and strength and it’s that former quality that mostly hinders him]
and everyone else who sent me the links for the translated manga:
[Sounds useful. Which one are you using? I’ve heard of a few, but they’re not easy to find]
– but she/he didn’t loudly
[We get the point that Ranma is really a guy in a girl’s body. Pick one to be concise and improve the flow]
There may come a time when you may need to learn how to handle feminine clothing, but not now.
[So why mention it at all, particularly as much as Ranma hates his curse at this point (and she knows it)?]
never, ever been part of Ranma’s training with her father for as long as the child could remember.
[Untrue: the problem is that Genma’s not particularly intelligent and most of the conversations tended to revolve around martial arts]
by some baka in a fight
credit to TheGrum /)
[QuickEdit eats URLs. I can’t see a thing but a possible name]
Kenko /~kenjiko2/, can also be found here on ) for Ku Lon and for the sheer comic relief provided by his most excellent fanfic Girl Days
[Interesting recommendation, if missing its URL due to QuickEdit]
his honor rather than for her
Ranma might be Ku Lon’s priority, but she had no intentions of letting all this potential around her go to waste.
[Sounds true to form, she just didn’t have as much opportunity in canon]
Amongst the male students of Furinkan, drooling abounded.
[Yes, they would. Ranma always was an oddity to entertain to them]
in… Xian Pu’s old dress?”
[I’m surprised she fit in it – Shampoo’s a considerable bit taller than Ranma’s girl form]
he did not seem to recognize the dress as once being Xian Pu’s
[I’m mildly disappointed, I would have been terribly amused to see him sputter at that]
“Kuno no baka,”
herself around toslam
the concept of ‘innocent bystander’
[…was never something Mousse really cared about]
“Erk. I’m outta here!”
[He’s already a girl, what’s he care?]
“/You would have me humiliate myself in front of all these outsiders?\”
[Careless as he may have been, he’s got a point: for an honor-bound culture like the one he’s from, those are SEVERE punishments. Not that he doesn’t deserve such in order to turn him around]
“/When these tasks are completed, you are to return to the village.
[I’m surprised she doesn’t include helping set-up the restaurant or something like that. As noted later, they _could_ use the help]
just in order to enjoy the show.
[‘just’ and ‘in order’ mean exactly the same thing in this context, using both is repetitious]
or a unch of small children at a candy sale.
“Hai!” Ranma chirped
Cuteness implied a level of innocence which protected her waitresses from most undisciplined hormonal boys.
[I’m not sure how, but there’s something to chuckle about there]
as attempts to bait the girls into coming within glomping range.
[I’d think more simply: ‘into reach’]
“A book can teach many things, if the student is at all willing to learn them!”
[Words I’ve spoken myself]
“Come on, baka.”
there was a loud shout of “BAKA!”
So long as Xian Pu pressured Ranma into being her ‘Airen’, Akane would have the advantage.
[Sounds like logical speculation. I’m not sure if I agree that they’ve already got an emotional bond of any strength at this point, but it’s not an unreasonable assumption]
that baka doesn’t get himself into trouble.”
Ranma just whimpered. “Itetetetete…”
I realized that I was being a little mean to Xian Pu, so I shifted the story briefly to her point of view.
[Seems fair to me, but one issue that I have is that Cologne doesn’t seem to care about helping Shampoo marry Ranma. Obviously forcing him into it has been thrown out, but if Ranma marries Akane then he will likely end with an overriding reason to remain in Nerima and will never go with the amazons; if Ranma marries Shampoo then he might stay in Nerima but at some point he’ll probably end up going back to Nyanchiczu and either way with her he’ll have joined the amazons]
looking forwards to the results.
that even Ku Lon felt an atavistic chill.
[I’m not sure if ‘Atavistic’ applies, but the purpose is still understood]
Law of Forestalling Comedy. As far as she knew, the law went something like this: when something really predictable and inevitable happens, everything stalls for a few moments for everyone to appreciate the irony and for the victim to make an inevitably futile attempt to correct the error.
something approximating an appropriate fit
[Repetition of ‘approximate’]
Will they have forewarning regarding all the engagements by Genma?
[Of course not, that would be too convenient and drop out a lot of comic possibilities. I was rather disappointed that the beach battle didn’t happen (yet), but your divergence seems good so far]
| Immatrael chapter 13 . 1/14/2009
Ku Lon's carrot plan is doing well - are you going to introduce any special moves not in the series? I might be able to help you there if you want - I have a few original ones. Message me if you're interested ;-).
Genma's being an idiot as usual. What else is new? Gonna be interesting seeing what Ranma will do in reaction to the Happi and the moxibustion point though. Might be a chance for the Elder to redeem herself.
Good story all round, and I look forward to an update.
...at some point.
Keep it up! _
| Irokoi chapter 1 . 1/7/2009
A wonderfully funny re-telling of the tale. The change in POV is refreshing and the slight twist in Cologne's attitude was just the right amount of change to freshen up the Ranma-verse.