|Reviews for Somewhere in Midgar Two Children|
| Lvlss chapter 23 . 9/7/2013
Poor Rufus... If you kill off Sacha I will kill off you got that love the story update soon
| Shinzhon chapter 7 . 1/16/2013
"that's the spirit !" I don't know why but this sentence was perfect here... So strong, so just ! like a final note in a concert !
| HoshisamaValmor chapter 23 . 8/29/2012
I find my brain to be even more exhausted than yesterday, so I guess my review won't be very elaborated.
I liked how the action happened, starting with the waitress. It was so fast, just as it would have been in a real situation, and the scene in the alley happened so fast I had to re-read to be able to get everything; but I don't think this means it was too rushed, flawed in terms of writing. Rather, it was probably appropriately fast considering the events, and my tired mind just didn't register properly.
The info I read about Fuhito described him as a fan of Hojo, so I liked the touch of his laugh reminding Rufus of Hojo.
Rufus reactions to the whole scene were quite well written, and were what I loved most about this chapter. From his cold but almost childish angered reaction that his plan to make contact with Fuhito went wrong and against his initial plan from the beginning, to his natural shock with how things developped, and his helplessness trying to revive Lex. What I really loved in terms of character was to see that human, almost innocent side of him trying to deal with death, quickly growing to emotional disattachment and coldness of a schemer that sees things through the advantageous side, even - or more so - if it involves the death of someone who might put him at risk. It's cool to see that he considered telling Lex about his plan minutes before it happened, though. I loved how it's cold yet childish of him to be angered that Lex saved Reno's mother but not his, and then going to that disattachment when he realizes "What's wrong with me?, Rufus wondered. I don't – feel things properly." There's something with this line that I loved, as Rufus is someone who progressively and continously abolished most of his emotions and replaced them for a sort of heartless 'attire' (english vocabulary is failing me, sorry), if that 'heartless' term isn't too cliché. It probably is. As I personally understand this lack of proper empathy for some situations, I think it was particularly great to see him make that question to himself, as it is what tends to happen. The realization that the lack of adequate feeling is wrong, but then being equally unable to spot the following thoughts that make that lack of empathy even more clear.
I'm too tired to be very coherent, sorry about that. Anyway, I liked the whole emotional range change, and it made a lot of sense in my head, I'm just not very able to express it.
Until the next update.
| HoshisamaValmor chapter 22 . 8/28/2012
I can hardly believe it's been pretty much 10 months and I hadn't come around to read the new chapters. I hope you've not given up on this story, and just taken a long break for whichever reason, because it truly is fantasticly written - I know this is pretty much the only thing I say in the reviews, but it is the truth. I suppose having late reviewers such as me is not the best of boosts to keep writing, but you do have many others who do a much better work, and you truly are great at this. Your characterization is amazing, every subject is taken seriously, thought carefully and it does not - ever - feel like a pushed or forced scene, dialogue or thought.
I will mention here the whole homosexuality subject. This may not be the best chapter to bring up the subject, as the scene with Sacha was in the previous chapter, but since it's brought up and important in this one as well, it may not be so inappropriate. Normally, such theme can be taken by some authors in a way that... just as mentioned, it may feel pushed or forced, just for the sake of the gay scene impact. Obviously, that's the point of many fanfics, and that's okay, I've read such stories and enjoyed some, but at the end of the day, almost all end up as just another amount of words, more or less well put together, about the same thing. In your story, you're not just envolving homosexuality as another "Oh look, Rufus' gay, let's pair him with some man hottie and make up hot yaoi scenes" feeling I believe many stories tend to unfortunately fall into. You actually take the subject seriously, and address the consequences of it in the life of someone such as Rufus, with his social status, and how that affects the aspects of his life, all in-character for the building of his future self, his sexual orientation and acceptance being just another of a long list of difficulties for him to be who he is. Another example; I don't feel like the knowledge of Reno's sex experiences with the same sex is shocking or, again, pushed. I found it to be quite in-character and natural, an extra bit of information that may or may not be more relevant in the future regarding his relationship with Rufus.
You have a way to write real inner turmoil, conflict, choices and consequences, of writing people as they are, and all so different from each other, that I greatly admire, and have done so since I found your story. The characters really are strong and with many sides to them that I love. I hope this comment about sexuality doesn't feel - here we are again - pushed into the review out of the blue, but it has been another theme you write about that I've liked throughout the chapters, the other major one being the whole complexity of two opposite-world society people coming together, as I've mentioned several times before.
I do feel a bit like Lex, regarding your writing as he regards Rufus' music. I do write and supposely understand a bit of it, but I can't find concrete words to give a better constructive criticism other than just a empty-headed-with-boot-licking-sounding-words. Speaking of which, I didn't know that Chopin piece, I understand little of classical music but it was a beautiful piece.
I love angst chapters. I already know bits of what happens in the next chapter, and I really like Lex's character, more than I thought I would. I might have forgotten some details from previous chapters due to the time it has been, but I don't remember having this sympathy for him. And the ending of this chapter just feels so painfully right, after knowing everything Rufus does. He is still just a boy, and that would be way too harsh for anybody to not crack, or not to be so harsh with Lex. Again, you nailed it, as you did with now Reno and Rufus taking opposite feelings for each other; Reno finally acknowledging that he cares for Rufus' wellbeing, and Rufus discarding every little confidence in anyone he might have still had.
My coherency gets even worse at late night, and it's nearly 2AM, so I digress.
Hope to finally read chapter 23 tomorrow.
| chibi heishi chapter 23 . 5/25/2012
Whoah. This is seriously messed up - I love it! Those poor guys, they're hurting so much, but scheming so hard... It's really hard to tell just who stands where - which is exactly what the Turks are known for. Keepers of secrets.
| amechan87 chapter 23 . 1/26/2012
woah! always love the action part!_
| scheru chapter 23 . 1/24/2012
So, so good! I always get so excited when I see that you've updated, and I was not disappointed. I think I've read the latest chapter three times. Can't wait for the next one!
| alltheangelsinheaven chapter 23 . 1/20/2012
Wow... Worth the wait _ what a shocking thing to happen though D: I wasn't expecting to lose Lex so soon!
I admit that I'm hazy on some details from previous chapters, but I'm remembering the general scheme of things as I read :D
Anyway, it's probably odd to mention, but Reno humming Rufus' composition... Super sexy, super sweet.
Why can't all guys be sweet, kind, red-haired, deadly, fictional body guards - huh. Never mind. I think I answered that myself.
I think these boys are best left to thrive in our imaginations
| Licoriceallsorts chapter 23 . 1/18/2012
The thrill of seeing the alert for this chapter in my mailbox yesterday! The frustration of being at worm and not having the time I needed to savour it until I went to bed. And the tremendous pleasure of reading it!
Psychologically the set-up is perfect: Rufus wants revenge on his father, and the urgency is doubled by the existence of Lazard, who threatens Rufus's claim to the throne. Rufus, being young, can't wait anyway, but with lazard lurking and smirking in the wings he really can't afford to wait. And the new Mrs Shinra might pop out another baby, mighn't she? Do you think Rufus might want to eliminate her, too, to be on the safe side?
And he's absolutely right; he has to maneuvre with extreme caution behind the scenes, otherwise Lazard will step into the breach. Secretly allying himself with Avalanche has become his best option. He seems to be the epitome of passive aggresive here, setting himself as bait.
His cleverness, and his lack of maturity, reveal themselves throughout this chapter: his cleverness in coming up with the plan and maneuvering those around him into cooperating; his immaturity in imagining he can somehow control events, and in his failure to realise just how much could easily go wrong and that people might die. That cry of "Don't be dead" was a child's cry, and his attempts to revive Lex with phoenix down played in the cinema of my mind like a child trying to put right a mistake too terrible for him to handle.
But then later, when he reflects on the fact that Lex's death is, in one way, convenient, because it has removed the one Turk who has reason to suspect he knows about his mother's death, we see the cold, clever, ruthless, heartless (?) man he has the potential to become.
I really love it when one event is presented as offering two possible interpretations, as seen through the eyes of two different characters. To Reno, the gift of the score is a pay-off, because those are the terms in which he deals... And maybe because to him nothing can make up for the loss of a true lover? But Sasha sees it as Rufus offering the best of himself - which isn't his love, or his tiome, or his company, but his music.
And Reno, being torn two ways because he pities Rufus... I'm not quite sure exactly how much Reno likes Rufus, but I think he sees that Rufus has a lot of good qualities, even if some of them - like an appreciation for music - are lost on Reno, and he seems to pity him for being forced to lead a life so different from the one to which he is naturally inclined. Reno, meanwhile, is leading exactly the life to which he is naturally inclined, which makes him all the more sympathetic to Rufus.
I loved how he's being nagged to understand Rufus better from two very different directions - Sacha and Tseng!
Oh, poor Lex. Even though I think you warned me it was coming, it came as a shock. I really felt bereaved, losing a character I've come to like. It was a mark of Rufus's desperation that he toyed, even briefly, with the idea of bringing Lex into his conspiracy. What a different story it would have been if he had acted on that impulse! It was a potential turning point, like the moment when Rufus almost gives in to the impulse to run to Reno and fling his arms around him. It was good that you left us in doubt as to what had happened to Lex during the scuffle in the alley, and his persistence in remaining dead despite Rufus's attempts to revive him was really heartbreaking. Ave atque vale, Lex.
The whole kidnapping scene was extremely well 'blocked', to use a theatrical term which I'm sure you know. I really couldn't predict from one moment to the next what would happen, which is just as it should be. Avalanche's plan had every chance of success - if it hadn't been for Reno going out the wrong exit, it might have succeeded.
What next, eh?
Lovely, lovely writing. Thanks so much for updating. It made my day. I am guessing that you've now plotted this out for quite a long way ahead, and maybe roughed out quite a lot of chapters?
| sinfulseraph chapter 23 . 1/18/2012
NOOOO, LEX! I did not see that coming. Poor Reno gets put through so much, but then I guess thats in the job desciption. I like him and Rude's affectionate partnership. It was also really sweet how Rufus kept worrying Reno was the Turk who got shot.
You set up the kidnapping attempt very well and the part where Rufus starts to deal with Avalanche was very believable. The original characters are as interesting as ever and your writing really draws me into the story. Thank you for updating!
| PhinMaginONLY chapter 23 . 1/18/2012
Have I told you that I love you? Cuz I really do.
I really love the way that you make Rufus slowly become ruthless person. Like he was slowly poisoned by his own dark emotion such as; his need to revenge for his mother as well as his simply want to escape the feeling of guilt that Lex had died by "looking at the bright side".
I found it is really, REALLY, realistic way of character development.
I also find Reno humming Rufus' music is really sweet. Judging from how he struggled to appreciate classical music before, I think this time he is actually like it. However I'm not sure if Rufus will realize it or not from the state he was in.
Anyway, it's really good for taking a break from all the seriousness and dark emotion.
| Faoiltierna chapter 23 . 1/17/2012
Oooo, the plan worked...but at what cost? (Not just talking about Lex...)
Excellent chapter! :-)
| CameoAmalthea chapter 23 . 1/17/2012
I shouted out loud in joy when Chris told this had updated. I’ve been looking forward to this for so long.
I have to say it feels a bit…sudden. I’m not sure if this is a pacing issue or if it’s just me, but going from Rufus deciding to find Fuhito to Rufus getting things set up the very next chapter seemed a bit soon.
I also knew Lex would die from the moment he warned Rufus about the concert and gave in to this one last time. It just seemed obvious, and it’s going to happen at this concert and he’s going to be killed. I think part of it might have been that you spend last chapter fleshing out his character. So it was sort of like…here’s his character and next chapter I’m killing him off.
Maybe if you’d worked in his relationship with Rufus’s mother earlier on it wouldn’t feel as forced, but it sort of does…
I hope this isn’t too harsh. I try to go for honest critiques, although I don’t know how useful this is.
I just feel like there could be more build it, more tension, maybe more desperation from Rufus to make something happen. I also feel like it happening at the very last concert he was meant to attend feels a little cliché, but I’m not sure how to avoid that without losing that lovely bit of Rufus trying to keep how he felt about the music separate from everything else that had happened, and Reno humming his music.
That worked. Another thing that work really well was the pacing for the attack. It felt sudden.
I loved how naïve Rufus was about the whole things. It wasn’t supposed to go this way, he wasn’t ever supposed to be in any danger. Such confidence, and he’s so young. It shows that he really hadn’t considered the full consequences of the risks he was taking.
It works well with how shocked he is to see a man killed. Poor Rufus, he had to know there would be blood, but he didn’t really understand what that meant, not really.
Is killing someone really that bloodless? I wouldn’t know, obviously. What type of gun was it? You’d think it would be bloodier than they’ll show on film. I mean, I suppose I’ll ask Lee, he’s never shot anyone of course, but he knows what kind of damage guns do, and he’s seen a lot of unpleasant things while working as an EMT. Then I know some people who want to go into forensics so maybe they’d know.
Anyway, sorry, I just think since that moment is so visceral their needs to be detail. Which I suppose would be hard to write since most people have never seen anyone die, much less seen anyone die violently right in front of them.
Chris’s opinion, as someone who’s studied anatomy and assuming a small gun, like a berretta, it would still be pretty gory. Skull and brain matter flying.
Just asked Lee via facebook, and he concurs, “blood and bits of brain” But he says he’s not that familiar, but was like “Yeah, plenty of brain and blood”.
Anyway, moving away from the gruesome…
I liked how you showed Rufus’s human carrying side here. Having him lunge for the gun to try to save Lex, at risk to his own life, that his natural instinct is to protect Lex.
Then Lex being shot and how fast it all happens.
Since you make a point to note that Rufus is in white, I’d like a description of how dirty he gets. The dirty from the street when he’s knocked down, and the blood, especially the blood, I think you could do something with that image.
I was really looking forward to Fuhito and Rufus finally meeting, and it was exciting to read.
Although this bit of dialogue felt a bit forced to me “I used to go by that name, yes. My real name's Fuhito."
Why is he introducing himself? Maybe it’s just the way it’s phrased, but it doesn’t feel right to me. The following lines are great.
Although when Rufus is wondering which Turk, would he think of Lex, or would he think of Reno. Because he knew Lex was close by, someone else would have had to have taken out the car. Yes, he’s not thinking clearly, but I thinking of Reno wouldn’t be out of character. I also think immediately worrying about Reno would be powerful, both furthering how much Reno means to Rufus and sort of setting up a sucker punch with Lex’s death.
Here’s Rufus worrying about Reno and then he realizes Lex is dead.
Also the dialogue here seems a bit barren. Just lines of dialogue on paper. I feel like I want them broken up a bit. Like Rufus feeling the gun on to his head. Staring at the ground. Something…
Then once he’s able to see Fuhito I wanted more there.
“His dark eyes had an uncanny intensity.”
Good, but what does that mean? Flesh out the what the look in his eyes is exactly. Hunger? Determination? What?
Over all, he was very enjoyable to read. He sort of reminded me of Moriarty from Sherlock, but it could just be me.
Rufus’s moment with Lex’s body and trying to press the Phoenix Down to the wound worked well. Although I think there could be more blood here. How it soaks into the feather. I feel like this should be visceral.
Also I’m also getting this image of Simba when he runs to Mufassa’s body is all “no! you’ve gotta get up”
Again we get the human Rufus, so young and innocent in his way, and in shock at the loss.
Then in contrast we get the cold, ruthless person he becomes “Looked at in the right light, things have worked out well tonight. Lex was the only one who had any reason to suspect that I know about what my father did. I've made contact with Fuhito. Lex would be glad that I have a way to avenge my mother. The audience loved –”
It’s so terrible. Looking back on it like, well all in all, good night for me. And knowing this he did get what he wanted. That it is his fault that Lex died.
Does he even realize that he should have known this might happen? Is he thinking about Reno and the rest dying as well, and what he’s willing to pay if the price is blood?
Is that fact he stops himself from thinking about the music in a way Rufus separating the good parts of himself, from the darker parts. Putting aside his light in favor of the darkness that will give him the power he yearns for?
| DivineSoul chapter 23 . 1/17/2012
Thank god you finally updated! I've been waiting forever and after a really bad day this was well appreciated. I seriously love sacha and I honestly don't know why and hope he continues to make appearences. As for lex...I cried a little. So sad but so good! Well, I hope you update soon! Thanks for updating :)
| APurpleAvacado chapter 23 . 1/17/2012
No! No! I just blessed Lex and his tiny cottons! Why? WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME?
But this chapter! Ugh. God, so much just snowballed! Pfft. How's that for a cold-weather related reference, Winter/Snow. Tchpfft. It's just...so many things. I can see an awful lot going terribly wrong in very unexpected ways.
It's good to see Rufus might finally be realising he's a little...detached. Emotionally speaking. And seeing that it's not normal. Good self-assessment thing going on there.
Although it was cute that Reno was humming part of Rufus's sonata xD Just...Lex. Awh. Has Rufus actually taken a proper look at the photograph? I can't remember if he'd seen it already or not, but I wonder what he'd think?
Oh, this is getting so tense!
I love it!