|Reviews for Sleep|
| mangamichelle12 chapter 1 . 6/13/2012
Yay that was cute I love it XD
| magican42 chapter 1 . 3/21/2011
This is cute w
| hpgirl4ever chapter 1 . 8/17/2010
great story! D
| HIMR chapter 1 . 6/10/2010
Aww :3 that was cute x3 great job!
| Spittfyre chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
While I always love the in-game 'no hearts no emotions' scenario, I have to say that the writing was very clunky, more like a transcrip than a story. Every single sentence was 'subject verb' and you always used their names or 'he'. It gets really repetitive.
You should try using more adjectives, adverbs, and pronouns. Not as in 'he' but as in 'redhead' 'blond' 'younger' ect, ect. Also, try to switch the order of the subject and verb so we don't have to read the same idea over and over again. It's very blunt. ex. You said "He looked around" three times in the first few lines alone and then "he sighed and went back to his room" and then "He lied back down." You should trying something like
"Sighing in disappointment, he returned to his room to lie down." See what I mean? That way you don't sound like a broken record.
The story idea was cute, you just need to work on your grammar. I hope this helped and that you improve.
| Teknogeddon chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
That was really cute.
It fit character of Roxas in Days perfectly, the naiive clueless moron.
| Verovex chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
That was cuuute!
| Nickolasius-the-Conquerer chapter 1 . 6/9/2010
You gotta love the fact that you can make Roxas so innocent! No memories are epic excuses