|Reviews for Shattered|
| eldewulf chapter 18 . 5/12/2014
Awwww... what happy ending! I especially love the cell mate part. Hilarious! :p
| Jane Poirot chapter 18 . 5/27/2012
I've been reading this all morning and I've got to say, this was a great sequel with a satisfying conclusion. I liked how you conveyed Cody's inner turmoil without it turning into cheap wangst-it felt tragic and believable, and made it easy to sympathize with him, which just made it all the more relieving when James finally got the sentence he deserved. I've heard that child molesters tend to not be looked on very kindly by other prisoners anyway, so I'm afraid his little inner paradise is in for a rude awakening...
I also liked how you established Cody's relationship with the other police officers, and his boss, and Zack's with Cassie. It was interesting to see the boys as adults. I would imagine that they'd probably mature a lot more when they got older, but they'd also keep some parts of their personalities. Zack's generally the more easygoing one, but he would also feel some guilt over it. Even if they hadn't gone down the shortcut so often, James would've still kidnapped them based on their regular route.
Personally, I think the death penalty would've been too good for someone like James. I was afraid he'd either actually get the insanity plea granted, or get a short sentence (because sadly, there are real life rapists who only get a few years). It would've been interesting to learn just what made him such an SOB, but at least you didn't fall back on the age-old "mommy was an alcoholic, daddy beat him" excuse. While it is true that a lot of serial killers came from troubled homes, not all of them did. Most people who come from abusive homes actually grow up to become better people than their parents ever were. At the same time, as mentioned, it would've paid off to see what exactly makes him tick. Ted Bundy didn't have an abusive childhood, but he did grow up around a terrible role model, never had his murderous tendencies curbed, and he grew up thinking his mother was his sister (not to mention some people suspect he might've come from incest).
As for any bit of concrit I have...apart from what I mentioned above, there were a few grammatical errors here and there ("they're" and "their", for example). I know the story is about Zack and Cody, not Cassie, but it would've been nice to learn a little bit more about her, like how her family would react to the news and things like that.
Apart from that, this was a terrific sequel, and I might get around to checking out the third story!
PS Sorry to hear about your tough Bible camp experiences; writing this story must've been like a safe haven for you!
| Aldo Adonahit Lucas Moreno chapter 18 . 4/6/2012
I used my full nameIm seriouse! I literally cried! Im not joking. ... So horrible, but good story!
| BritAsianOtaku chapter 18 . 2/23/2012
this story was amazing !
i'm glad it ended well...it whould be great if you chould make a sequel to this but if not that's ok...
thats it as i need to favourte this story and subscribe to you ~!
until next time ~!
| Neko-cat chapter 18 . 5/23/2011
I loved this story. The first was alright, but this one was so interesting and actioned pack. Great job can't wait to read the other one!
| Lady Alice101 chapter 18 . 10/11/2010
this is a fantastic story... the whole way through and all chapters, i was like 'okay...write a review' but i didnt, because that way, i would ber delayed in reading the story... i can not wait to read rhe sequel... i sooo will not sleep tonight, as i am sooo scared, but i think that that is what makes a good story... finishing it, and then feeling an emotion that reflects the story as a whole.
| Hailfax-McGee chapter 18 . 9/2/2010
Woo! Good ending. Personally I would have ended it on "He has a lot of catching up to do." instead of carrying out that dialogue. I think it would have had a stronger effect.
I'm glad he got life and that he has the cellmate he does. I'd rather he gets life in prison than the death penalty because that's too good for him.
Well during the course of this story I've grown quite attached to Zack and Cody and I've grown to hate Kaleb. Fantastic job.
You said he had 37 counts of kidnapping (this was how many tapes there were) this seems weird to me because in the past twelve years he had only taken a few victims. He must have been really busy those first few years. I'm just one of those guys that notices things like that. That's why I estimated 10 in one of my previous comments.
This story was good. It was a lot better than the first one. A story like this could have easily been around 100,000 words, but you kept it short and sweet. While I would have liked some more background information on everybody, including Zack and Cody, it didn't really matter too much with the plot line of this story. This was a good read, I enjoyed it very much.
| Hailfax-McGee chapter 17 . 9/2/2010
I liked learning a bit more about Kaleb. I also liked how you referred to Kaleb as James when Zack or Cody were looking at him. I'm not sure if it was intentional, but it had a good effect. I'm glad you're not some kind of sadistic monster and allowed him to go free.
Also, that sentence reminds me to say this: you said "aloud" once instead of allowed. It was something like "Zack was aloud to sit..." Just something that stood out to me. Cody's testimony was very heartfelt and real. I thought it was very well-written.
| Hailfax-McGee chapter 16 . 9/2/2010
Again, excellent job conveying emotion through dialogue. I'm glad Cody will testify, I'd hate to see Kaleb get out of this.
| Hailfax-McGee chapter 15 . 9/2/2010
Good chapter. Wow, I say that a lot. Pleading insanity seems a little unrealistic here. If my estimations are correct James would have taken about 10 victims. Kidnapping Rape on a minor Physical assault Terroristic threatening 1st degree murder X 10 probably a sentence of a few hundred years. Either way, it seems that's the answer to "what next?". You'd be horrible to let Kaleb get off free, but also it'd be a hell of an ending.
Question... did you choose Kaleb because of Bible School influences?
| Hailfax-McGee chapter 14 . 9/2/2010
I guess it did end pretty anticlimactically. This leaves me to wonder what will happen next. What could you possibly have planned? Repercussions and moving on seems fit, but that's not a huge topic to cover. I don't know.
I liked how you tried to get James to make Cody pull the trigger. But it was weird that nothing came out. Cody did make sure it was loaded so I don't understand. It's terribly unlikely that it jammed, but still possible, I suppose. Good chapter.
| Hailfax-McGee chapter 13 . 9/2/2010
I liked how this chapter turned out too. This was very fast paced and that's good for this point in the story. I'm not sure about the ending. It seems unlikely that Cody will just shoot James and everything will be over with, but that's how you're making it sound. I'll just have to read!
| Hailfax-McGee chapter 12 . 9/2/2010
This was a good chapter. At first it struck me as odd that you/Toby said that James/Elijah was the "killer" but then I realized that he did, in fact, kill that one. Then you said that Zack and Cody were the only who survived so...
I liked this chapter. Nice cliffhanger too. I'm guessing that James rigged up some kind of car bomb (although usually car bombs detonate on ignition). That seems pretty major though, I don't know. That'd be horrible (and a good twist) if Cassie was hurt/killed and the baby was killed. That'd piss Zack off and he'd try to go Rambo on James.
Anyway, I actually liked the chapter with no Cody. It was a fresh change, sometimes those are necessary. On to the next chapter...
| Hailfax-McGee chapter 11 . 9/2/2010
Good chapter. I like this length. You do a very good job of describing emotion through dialogue. When Cody was talking to Anna, it was pretty obvious how he was feeling. I like Anna, I can't see anything wrong with her, I guess I don't know why Cody and Toby are always dissing her. Maybe a future romance for Cody?
| Hailfax-McGee chapter 10 . 9/2/2010
Not much to say about this chapter. It moved along the plot nicely, good setup for the next event. Also, good mystery involved here. My first impression is that "he" is James, but after enough reading, I've gotten pretty aware that there might be other things going on. I don't think so, but I guess I'll see.