|Reviews for New Dawn|
| seiryux chapter 15 . 1/20/2011
Great story so far. I hope you come back to write for this story again. But I must say that with the recent announcement for XIII-2, I found New Dawn to be eerily prophetic.
In the novellas leading up to the new game, Hope gets help from the Cavalry to reunite with his father, Sazh volunteers to pilot a ship and help stranding Cocoon citizens, Serah wants to become a teacher and Snow wants to help build her school.
While feeling empty and unfulfilled though grateful and happy that everybody else will go okay, Lightning leaves her friends and family behind as if beckoned to go on another journey.
Again, eerily prophetic.
| Tear of Light chapter 15 . 1/14/2011
I had this bookmarked to read later on and now that I've finally read it, I'm floored. Your writing is great! The characters are perfect. I love where you've taken the story. And while I'm not the type that likes OCs entering stories like this, the Maker certainly doesn't interrupt the flow of things.
I do hope you'll continue with this story. You have a really great thing here. :)
| HiddenChaser chapter 1 . 1/6/2011
Come on! Could you update any...slower(?) Please don't leave us hanging.
| munsturr chapter 15 . 10/2/2010
i lol'd at the last line :D
| fixedmachine chapter 14 . 9/28/2010
Looking forward to Claire's explanation and everyone's reactions. Keep up the good work!
| Key chapter 13 . 9/22/2010
At first I wondered why this was classified as Humour and frankly I still do. The drama experienced by both lightning and Serah is probably some of the better I’ve read. While i have been taking notes of things to improve on I kinda forgot to do so somewhere between chapters 6-11, i was just so swept up in the story.
imagery, new guardian HQ, i wish you would have described the settings more in which your characters act out, it’s all very basic at best and i know its not a focus for you, but improving on this will add to your work
chapter 2, Vanilles dialog feels a little stiff "I'm sorry Serah, I didn't mean to upset you with my question,", "I saw the light in here on from the kitchen so I thought someone had left it on, so I was going to turn it off, only to find you sitting in here,"
maybe it’s more corny then stiff, i would recommend reading out the dialog and ask if that’s what the character and a normal person would say
This was however where i first got to experience the depth of your characters, i.e. serah, got to say its a definite strong point for the fic
Spelling: an entirely 'anentirely'
chapter 4 sentence structure 'A few seconds later Sazh and Hope joined her; the two males were extremely winded even though they had just ran from the house to the town which was 10 miles'
the read aloud trick works here as well
'I know Fang is a damn good tracker/hunter' personal thing, shouldn't use / in dialog
she had to cut in line to do this. One man started to bitch about how she was cutting in line'
repetition, it is one of my pet pevees! It degrades the flow of the story and i recommend it’s something you work on, it’s not just limited to this there are other examples as well in later chapters
"It's not a matter of can or can't," the boomerang wielding teenager' description of characters should be made in context, we have yet to even see hope pull out his weapon in the story, it feels like your struggling to find other things to call him other then hope, sometimes in diolog you don’t even need to reference who said it
imagery, not describing the creatures Light fights made for a difficult read during the fight
chapter 6, profound, chapter 5 was an excellent lead in, best I’ve read so far, this is where the story went from ‘meh’ to astounding for me
chapter 11 Damn it! If only my Grav-con Unit hadn't gotten messed up when I hopped into that dumpster!, sentence structure again, something you should watch for
Despite these mistakes this is one of the better 13 fics I have read, you have a marvellous story of personal change here and I can’t wait to see where you take it.
Please with all haste write moar!
| mobius14 chapter 13 . 9/20/2010
I enjoy this really, you explained their past simply but in an interesting way. And what will Fang say when she found out Light-em-Claire was spending her once-a-year Faffon moments with her sister? I'm so curious about it!
I can't give you much comments as there's almost no flaw in grammar and such. all i can say is: Good Job
| False Shepard chapter 13 . 9/19/2010
Still can't wait when this kicks into high gear you know?
| Badministrator chapter 13 . 9/19/2010
Took you long enough to update! ;) I'm kidding, just happy to see that you STILL ARE updating. Thought you abandoned the story. I know how you feel though, I've been swamped with school work. I'm excited to see Fang and Claire are going to settle this.
UPDATE SOON and Keep on Rockin!
| Branded By Pulse chapter 12 . 8/18/2010
Ah so that was what Claire was wearing :) haha the ending was fantastic in this chapter, you managed to make me laugh for three minutes straight when Claire kicked Snow out of the window :D Hmmm I think the conversation between Fang and Claire could be interesting also when everyone finds out about Pulse. Keep working on the chapters, I can't wait for the next update!
| Badministrator chapter 12 . 8/17/2010
HA! Even Heart of a Wolf is calling you Phoenix! I'm sad Phoe, why won't you let her post crap...why? *breaks down crying*. HAHA! No, but I'm sooooooo sure your intentions are good. pft yeah right ;)
Amazing chapter. Your quiet the pervert aren't you! XD That's good друг that makes the story interesting and funny as HELL! Why ya got to hurt on Snow? It ain't his fault he's so god-damned big! Phoenix I'm with you, when I read that Snow was stuck I was thinking Kick his ass! Kick his ass! XP
Another A-Freaking-mazing chapter друг!
UPDATE SOON and Keep on Rockin! _
P.S.-You and Phoe are still awsome! :D Just thought I'd mention that...again :)
| False Shepard chapter 12 . 8/16/2010
Kick Snow! Kick Snow!
You know I was kinda abusive to my Snow over the weekend?
| Branded By Pulse chapter 11 . 8/10/2010
'The former l'Cie huffed in agitation. "See, this is why I don't pray to you!" She stated.'
Best line in this chapter I laughed for about a minute. Haha I was like 'Go Serah!' at the end when she punched Claire, LOL. I can't wait for the next chapter, I want to see how the others react to Claires story. Moreover, will they believe it?
Fantastic chapter :)
| Badministrator chapter 11 . 8/8/2010
Hehe Ya' know Claire should have seen that hit comin, yeah? When I read that part I couldn't help but think that me and my sis bond the same way. By the way друг I really like Pulse since she acts as a comic relief. I hope she gets more story time later on. _
Keep up the good work друг, your awsome! .
UPDATE SOON and Keep on Rockin! _
P.S.-Did ya tell Phoenix she's awsome too? hehe
P.P.S-Did I mention your awsome? Oh yeah, I did? Well you are! ;)
P.P.P.S.-I think that that imitation Hope got off a little light, yeah.
P.P.P.P.S-Sorry for so many, but is this gonna be a Hope/Light fic? My honest opinion? I don't like them. Sorry if you do друг. .
| Serina Tsuki chapter 11 . 8/7/2010
Snow/Serah-ness makes me happy! Thank you!