|Reviews for Fate Or Destiny?|
| Areej chapter 47 . 7/14
I LOVE EVERY BIT OF IT! YOU KNOW MAGIC! I COULDN'T STUDY, SLEEP OR EAT WITHOUT COMPLETING IT! I LAUGHED AND CRIED ALL ALONGGGG. KEEP IT UP! LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK (although I don't know you)
| truthfulbadger chapter 33 . 5/18
why do the queens sit around all day? they can help in the meetings and the work and running of the country you know anyway and Susan can go for the battle too she was the best archer at the end of the day
| Angel of darkness 1272 chapter 47 . 5/3
Yes, a sequel sounds just perfect! Wait no, I need a sequel to this!
| Cat chapter 47 . 5/3
Just wanted to thank you and your friend for the hard work you put in on this! It was delightful and made me laugh and cry and grin like a lovesick fool. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
| Angel of darkness 1272 chapter 7 . 5/1
There I reviewed, you happy now!
| Cyres chapter 8 . 3/24
Another interesting Chapter. I think Peter and Isabel are getting closer. At least they are more comfortable with each other. I think their discussion the night before helped.
Yeah, it's pointless to ask Caspian to call you by your first name. As far as I can see, it's going to take some centuries.
The outdoor bachelor party sounded nice... and quite manly too, I have to agree with Caspian on that.
Despite you going through a small writers block as you wrote this chapter, you seem to have had a lot to say, and most artistic way to bring it forth. I only wish I could do that with my small writers block.
| Cyres chapter 7 . 3/10
I think the title for this chapter is quite befitting. It truly described, or rather summarized what this chapter is going to be about; it's plot.
That was an interesting meeting. I'm just glad I'm not peter... hehe. I did notice in that meeting that you have Caspian casually use Peter's name instead of struggling with it. When did he get so easy calling him without the title?
When you have Peter and Isabel meeting each other, at the end I did find a consistency error. You have peter switch from using "milady" to "my lady". Also, he seems, after using her name on request, to have switched back to using the title. He's just like Caspian there, and he berates (scolds lightly - perhaps berate isn't the right word?) the later for using titles, and he just goes and does the same.
I love the Suspian scene. I still don't get why they can't understand their own feelings, but I guess that's what makes the story so good. You do have a few technical errors. The most prominent is the usage of colons instead of semicolons in places, and commas, and question marks in others.
Will Peter kill Caspian?
Probably not, but it would be interesting to see what happens.
| Cyres chapter 6 . 3/9
A nice chapter, but I think things are progressing kind of slow, but it's just me. I like the flash back, however, I do think it would look better if you added page breaks between the lines of dialogue.
When you have peter smiling at Lucy at dinner, you used the word "her", it should have been "Peter smiled at [his] sister."
I like the gift you added at the end there, though if you ever write in the future perhaps you might consider what I mentioned in my previous review. After all, it is much better in my opinion, then begging for reviews.
| Cyres chapter 5 . 3/8
Finally, we meet Isabel. She seems lovely, and I think Lucy and her are going to get along just fine. So New York, that's something new. I wouldn't have imagined New York as a departure point for Narnia, but I guess it could be any place in the world.
When they were eating dinner, you had Caspian call Peter with his title "High king/My king", is this a mistake or did you write it like that on purpose?
I found it interesting that you described the pull Isabel felt as "magnetic". It's not bad, just interesting.
| Cyres chapter 4 . 3/8
The beginning of this chapter was interesting. "A glowing orb" to describe the sun is very accurate, but for some reason I didn't get it until I finished reading the opening Paragraph. At first I thought it was Isabele returning, though it would be a strange way for Aslan to return her.
This chapter does contain some errors, such as typos and grammatical errors. To mention some, you use "form" instead of "from", and in Peter's thoughts near the end you say "me and Su" where it should be "Su and I". You also are needing some commas in certain places.
The flow and pacing is just right, in my opinion it is great. It is neither to fast nor too slow.
I like how you added the cliff hanger at the end. There is something I have been meaning to mention, even though this fic is completed, I want to say that it is not nice to hold fics hostage and base the speed of their updates on reviews. In general, it is not good etiquette.
I know authors want reviews, I do to, but you should go about it a different way. Perhaps in future fics, you could give sneak peeks to future chapters for those who review your story. I do this with my current WIP "Child of the Shadows".
Anyway, this was a good chapter, and I moving to the next one.
| Cyres chapter 3 . 3/8
I liked how you wrote the prophecy as well as the history of Narnia in this chapter. Even if you aren't a poet you did great, it was quite artistic too.
I did find the Italics a bit too much, but I do understand the need to differentiate what he reads form the rest of the story. As for Aslan, well it sounded like a narration. I'm not saying it's bad, but at one point I couldn't even tell if he was speaking or you were.
Anyway, I had a hunch that the girl of prophecy was sent to our world. When it comes to the setup, I think you did great. My views on marriage is different from westerners, but I do understand why Peter is angry, and in fact I think all of this is wrong. If neither parties want to marry, then they shouldn't.
I look forward to how you are going to setup and flesh out the OC. We already know a bit about her past, and since she was sent to our world I wonder how different she's going to be from what they are expecting.
Anyway, I'm moving on to the next chapter. One thing that I like about complete fanfics is that you don't have to wait for next chapters :)
| Cyres chapter 2 . 3/8
Another good chapter. I'm not going to take the time to review like I did last time because I want to find out what happens next. So I'll just mention things that pop out right away and looks awkward to me.
So far, I found nothing worth mentioning, technical errors that is, in this chapter. I enjoyed as much as I enjoyed the prologue. I did feel it was kind of short, but no matter.
I can understand why the siblings feel awkward, and don't want to tell Peter the news right away, considering the culture they come from. However, personally I have to side with Caspian, whose only reaction was a shrug.
I liked how you said "an Edmond" when you mentioned he was interested in a piece of wood. It was obvious he was trying to avoid something, and you showed it well. I actually saw what wrote.
Again, a good chapter, and I look forward to reading to getting to the next one.
| Cyres chapter 1 . 3/8
A good start, however I do find the opening scene a bit contradictory. You say:
“Caspian stood in the balcony of the Telmar Palace, staring at the sun which had sunk deep behind the mountains, leaving behind its faint yellowish-orange glow.”
Now, ignoring the fact that Caspian is staring at the sun (bad for his eyes), you said that the sun which he is staring at “had sunk deep behind the mountains”. This is a contradiction between past and present tenses, and in reality doesn’t really make sense. The reason I understand this scene is because you mention the faint yellowish-orange glow.
That was the biggest thing that caught my eye. Another thing was is, you use the word “in” when you say “Caspian stood [in] the balcony. A person cannot stand in something that is a balcony; it’s not a tub.
I would suggest the following (I pray you find benefit):
“Caspian stood [out on] the balcony of Telmar Palace, [drawing peace from the fading twilight].”
This paragraph is better, and pulls the reader more into the story. The only suggestion I would recommend, is the following (suggestions in brackets):
“It [has been] two weeks [since] the battle against Miraz.”
This paragraph is great. You set the story here, and we find out what happens when Aslan didn’t send them back (in the movie I mean). The flow is just right, and transitions great from the previous scenes, and the scenes that would follow.
“... the Great Lion…” I’m not sure, but I don’t think the letters should be capitalized. Though it’s fine if you’re using it as a title and not a description of what Aslan is.
Now we find out more of what happened. I think you voiced Aslan quite realistically - I mean it sounds just like him. There’s only one thing that I noticed here, and that is a missing comma after (see brackets): “King Edmund - the Just[,] and…”
I think it would be better if merged with the next paragraph (6).
“Though, not everything was entirely in order now,” I think it would be best if you ended it with a period instead of a comma, but it’s up to you.
This paragraph is also good. The reader finds out the way the five work in conjunction. The only thing that would make it better, is if you tell us how exactly they work together. Though, I sense that we may find that out later on in the story, and I truly look forward to that.
What do you think of putting an “and” before the sequence “holding two mugs”?
This one is kind of choppy. How would you feel about merging some sentences? Something along the lines of the following:
“It soothed his tired nerves.” instead of “It soothed down his nerves. He was really tired.”
The following dialogue was nice, it fit the mood.
Again, I think it would be better if you merged this with the next one (14).
“The far away mountains, dark green now due to the fading light and some high peaks shining white due to the snow, was indeed beautiful.”
See how this sounds instead:
“The faraway mountains, dark green - thanks to the fading light, and shining snowy tops, were indeed very beautiful.”
The read that follows is truly incredible, I have now comment. Up until:
Edmunds entrance, in all honesty, is bad. He sounds like he’s rambling. It could use some rewording, but it sounds like (when I read it) that Ed isn’t breathing, or he’s out of breath, or something.
“Here you two are…” I believe you meant “There you two are…”
You have him mention twice that he’s been looking for the two, I think you only need to say it once. Perhaps you can have him exclaim, then mention that he’s been searching for them, then mention how boring it was because Su is bathing and Lu is sleeping, and then you have him pause and the say he wants tea.
However you go about it, I think this paragraph needs some reworking.
Other then that, the following scenes and dialogue is great. I like how you show the two arguing, and Caspian interjecting. You cannot be brothers if you do not have a scuffle/argument every now and then, and Caspian doing what he did also makes it seem like he’s also one of the siblings (a more mature one)... hehe.
Ah, protective Peter, I love it :) (Caspian sees it too.)
I think Aslan should have called Edmund the Mischievous king… and you fleshed Edmund, and his character out nicely. I love him so much.
You use the word the word “Surpize” in here, with the letter zed, it should be with an “s”.
“... I'll deny it: but even though I had...” Instead of a colon, I’d recommend a comma.
This was truly a great start, even though nothing much happened I truly loved it. I hope you don’t take offense to me pointing out the errors, or me giving my opinion. I know sometimes I can be hard, it’s just that this story has intrigued me so much. I hope you come back and edit these chapters to improve them, even if the story is complete.
| Guest chapter 12 . 2/7
Susan is not High Queen! There is only Peter as High King, the others are just kings and queens.
| Narichards chapter 49 . 12/29/2015
THIS IS AN AMAZING HIGH QUALITY STORY. the character development is amazing, the figurative language amazing.
Its all amazing.