|Reviews for Turners Grand Wish|
| Guest chapter 5 . 4/8/2013
When will new chapters come out
| the watcher chapter 3 . 2/1/2013
i fucking hate people like you that copy stories and then change a few thing and try to pass it off as their own especially ones ive read
| batman chapter 5 . 1/16/2013
plz update or feel my dark knight lol
| AzelmaandEponine chapter 5 . 4/12/2011
This is pretty good, you should continue!
| Queen Datsuh chapter 2 . 12/3/2010
I really like this story. I'll read more another time.
| Guest chapter 3 . 12/1/2010
wow ... your a thief copying someone elses story
| SeverusDmitri18 chapter 1 . 11/16/2010
The story is awesome. However I'm not very
good at thinking up stories as u could possibly
tell from my own. Sorry.
| SeverusDmitri18 chapter 4 . 11/16/2010
Did u have to leave it like that? Is there any
more chapters? I hope so. Can't wait if there
| Discripolis chapter 4 . 9/21/2010
I deem this an intresting little piece but honestly, transition from chapter to chapter seems slightly chaotic and confusing. Apart from that, characters seemed pretty true to thier original concept. Well done. Grammer however, was slightly off but no harsh feelings. Practice does make perfect.
| FairlyOddreader aka Neclea chapter 4 . 9/12/2010
Apart from the critics that have already been done, why the hell in the second (third) chapter Timmy has sex with Veronica and in the last chapter he wakes up next to Vicky? Personally I like both pairings but this shift is a little weird :\
I kinda like the way you write, I hope you will continue this story if you define well the characters first...
Oh and the mysterious person could be... Gary? :)
| unknown20troper chapter 3 . 8/19/2010
The characterization is decent. However, the chapters don't seem to have much of a connection to each other.
The grammar hasn't improved much or at all. "Didn't throw no birthday party" is grammatically incorrect. It would be fine in dialogue, but in non-dialogue, not so much. "His sun tanned skin, much parallel to her own, covered in damp goose bumps. Those prized sapphire, what a beautiful color for eyes. She always found his eyes to be fair to her own, why had the person she received the most pleasure in making fun of have to have the eyes she found most alluring." is beautifully worded, but sounds wrong in places: "fair to her own", "those prized sapphire, what a beautiful color for eyes", "she received the most pleasure in making fun of to have eyes she found most alluring."
The sex was decent. Not really hot, probably because the grammatical mistakes and bolding served to distract me from it. Though again, it might be because I am not a straight male. XD The bolding really is a bad idea. My eyes... go towards it and skip most of everything else.
Whoa, Timmy fell in love fast! He wasn't at least a bit hesitant about agreeing to Veronica's wishes.
Also, a nipple ring is actually called a 'aureole.' That is, provided that she is not wearing some circle sex toy on her nipples, which I assume she isn't. XD
So, this was okay, but needs improving.
| unknown20troper chapter 2 . 8/12/2010
You /asked/ me to review, so I will. Since you asked for me to review, I might point out things I find wrong with the spelling/grammar/wording/characterization/whatever more than I usually do. Don't worry, I'll also tell you what I like about the story.
First off, the first sentences. The first sentence tells one when it is, which does mean something to FOP fans, but it isn't that compelling a start. The end of the second sentence looks like a combination of two expressions "like there's no tomorrow" and "partying like it's 1999." I don't know whether that's a really bad idea, or a really good one, but either way, it's worth pointing out. The third sentence requires a comma between "there" and "pulling", and there really shouldn't be quotation marks around the Tooth Fairy's name. Timmy's fairies' names also shouldn't be in quotation marks.
The dialogue shouldn't be bolded. At the start of the third paragraph, the Tooth Fairy's name was written wrong. She's the Tooth Fairy, not the Teeth Fairy.
The characters do seem to be in character though, as far as I can tell.
Hopefully, you don't consider this too harsh.
| Suffern187 chapter 1 . 8/12/2010
Thanks for the comments.
To Tearatone Maystar...Hope you happy I had to think of a new pilot to think about. Now even though I changed chapter two to get you off my back for rewriting your story. I still keeping somethings though. First off to those that kept saying I plagiarized someone else story...Tearatone haven't worked on his story over a year. But anyways I hope you all enjoy the story and I would like some of your help to make this story sound great -
| tisvana18 chapter 4 . 8/12/2010
This is very interesting, I'm enthused to see who's trying to control Timmy's life...
| Mudbud333 chapter 4 . 7/20/2010
i know who it is! i want moar btw