Reviews for Rebuild of Fairly English Story
Guest chapter 37 . 11/30/2010
I love your story, but hate you for making it then saying "i'll update in two years". Good luck and see you later.
Have a Little Feith chapter 37 . 11/30/2010
I hope Minatos is afraid of Arisoto. If not, he should be.
Deep Space Cowgirl chapter 37 . 11/29/2010
...I'd almost forgotten you were going away. Have to admit that I'm going to miss you and the updates to Rebuild while you're gone. It's funny that I've never met you, and yet I mean it when I say that. My life's hit a rough patch recently, and things that can make me honestly smile have become precious. I'm loving the direction that the Rebuild has taken, and I'll probably pop in to check for updates every once in a while, whether it's futile or not. Thanks for these last few chapters, and see you in 2013! :D
Heraklinios chapter 37 . 11/29/2010
Okay...Minatos got his early bird cameo...

What are you plotting? This will change everything, you know?

And, as far as I know, this will mean that there are two dimensions with two Arisotos.

Congratulations, you branched an alternate reality. Raim Hanta will have sooo much work to do.
eggmiester chapter 37 . 11/29/2010
DUUUDE!

good job man. beleive me , we are all gonna miss you. good luck on your mission!

also, in chapter 36, those lyrics at the end were from rise against: savior, weren't they? bad arse! anywho, keep up the good work!
Derek Barona chapter 37 . 11/29/2010
Oh snap, Minatos' cover is blown! Or is it Death? After all, Minato's got more than three voices in his head, counting his own.

That charmed scene was even more brutal than last time. Good job on that, but damn, it was rough to read again. But damn if the asskicking afterwards isn't always fun.
Sir Godot chapter 37 . 11/29/2010
Just one question: if Minato was talking with his Shadow in the last scene, shouldn't the first person narration come from the Shadow? After all, you did say that Minato's Shadow was the narrator in Fairly English Story. Or is this a different Shadow due to the still present Hollow arm?
Soulswallows chapter 34 . 11/28/2010
LOVERS LOVERS LOVERS awright some MinaYuka!
ledah13 chapter 34 . 11/28/2010
awesome! if you ask me, Yukari knows how to manipulate her Persona in more ways than everyone else put together, she's that creative
Patcheresu chapter 34 . 11/28/2010
Excellent. COPY THAT FLOPPY COPY THAT FLOPPY COPY THAT FLOPPY. Had to remind you about THAT PSA disaster before you left. Spread the graces of Mormonism fruitfully!
Derek Barona chapter 33 . 11/28/2010
I approve of this Arisoto Hand move. I approve of it greatly.
James Birdsong chapter 32 . 11/23/2010
Great chapter
Have a Little Feith chapter 32 . 11/22/2010
Now comes the revelation of Naoki from SMTIII: Nocturne/Lucifer's Call. And... Arisoto still seems arrogant. Oh well. I just hope it's not the author's personality shining through the character, cause that would kinda suck. Either way, good job re-writing so far.

P.S.: I'm not trying to insult you, if it seems that way.
Patcheresu chapter 32 . 11/21/2010
Nice. This is now my favorite exposition chapter.
Ganheim chapter 10 . 11/18/2010
Chapter 10

"I thought I was the leader." I asked.

"You are, but you'll still do as I command."

I sighed. "Fine. I'm the Sergeant, you're the Captain." he said. "So how come the headphones work?"

"They're special." Sounds more like a plot device to me, but then again, the Evokers worked during the dark hour, and so did the camera system… and basic lighting back at the dorm…

[Funny turn of the conversation. I also noticed those things myself, but the game distinctly avoids them]

Chapter 11

"What a stunning victory!"

[I know she says this in the game, but I didn’t see anything pivotal or “stunning” in the fight. Just a quick, efficient dispatch]

Yukari's still stronger than me.

[I’m not sure what this intends]

I sighed, and then some cards appeared in front of me, time slowing down around me

[Segments like Minato beating up Junpei for training looked pretty good. This looks like a regurgitation of gameplay, and makes as little sense as the game. In P3 it worked as a gameplay device, but I don’t see it written in a manner that gives it a satisfying feeling of justification]

Let's split up and look for clues."

We split up and looked for clues.

[Repetition]

I found a steel briefcase (Win) full of money (Also win

[Game regurgitation]

Chapter 12

better idea's have had

[ideas I have]

My friend Kenji is a MILF Hunter.

[I’ve never understood that expression]

Junpei asked. He didn't seem to understand the rule: your desire for women is inversely proportional to your ability to get them.

[Dunno, I’ve met plenty of people who aren’t mobbed and are quite pleased with the solitude]

If I cut someone with it, they get angry!"

[Reminds me of Fate/Stay Night, an eternal contender for the dumbest line in history: “People die if you kill them”]

The capital B is because apparently they actually turn red and steam

[Sounds like gameplay regurgitation]

"1750" I raised.

"2500" He lowered

[I wish this was an option in the games]

it tends to be a higher level

[“stronger” would’ve sounded less “game regurgitation” than “higher level”]

Basically, I'm going to legitimately use the power of friendship to smite eldritch monsters

[What a common Japanese storytelling element. Of course, I like it]

the skills to be inherited change every time you select a Persona for fusion

[Game regurgitation]

Chapter 13

It had better defensive power than my armour by a clear mile. It provides very little coverage,

[I always figured it existed purely for fanservice. Same reason most females in fantasy artwork tend to be scantily clad. I think there’s even a gag “anime law” of female armor having inverse strength to skin covered. Not that it always works – I think Tachibana Ginchio of Samurai Warriors is one of the best visually designed female characters because she actually looks like she’s ready to charge into battle and hand your butt to you on a platter]

Just need to do one more thing and we will kick all kinds of ass.

"No way." Yukari stated flatly. "Uh-uh. Not a chance."

[Hah! At least it’s not as easy as the game. “I don’t want to…but without any argument apparently I’ll do it”]

Wear your clothes over the damn armour

[Or under it, given that the High-Cut has protruding metal]

As far as I knew, ramen came in pots and was cooked in the microwave,

[An easy mistake to make before you make pasta yourself – it’s actually surprisingly fast and easy, and not all kinds need an extruder]

It's really half common cold, half flu, and half in your head.

[Isn’t the “common cold” the “flu” in British English? I know that’s what it is in American, Canadian and Australian]

"You- you didn't have to-"

"I know," I answered her as I left. "I choose to."

I closed the door behind me.

...

Huh, no social link. You'd think that if hanging out with Kenji would spark one, then my conversation with Yukari would've started a social link with her.

[Much though I agree, I think this sounds too much like a direct gameplay reference]

I laughed. "My cousin got me into Parkour." I told her. "The martial art of running away.

[I was wondering if I was the only person who called it that. Parkour can bang you up quick if you slip up, though, and I think a large part of it is taking ridiculous chances]

I don't want to use a two-handed style, in case I need to get into close-combat,

[Isn’t that exactly what dual-wielding styles are for?]

"Your ability seems to defy everything we know about Persona, and about the laws of thermodynamics

[Too bad he never studied law]

Chapter 14

The badass, who probably wasn't a shape shifter

[Somebody’s a Shinji fan]

She had me doing odd quests she called 'Requests'.

[Gasp! /sarcasm]

Floating there, covered in held

[I think some text is missing. What’s it covered in?]

I slid onto the escape pod, flipping the reaper off as I vanished.

I could have sworn that it raised a middle finger at me back.

[It would’ve been funnier if it’d shot off his finger]

Chapter 15

Tokyo skyscrapers are the world's most volatile explosive.

[Well, it’s been called the “matchstick city” since the firebombings in 1945, maybe even before that]

"It's special." She told us. I want a special iPod.

[Funny. There actually ARE a few combustion engines that can function without the electrical systems in dominant forms, but I’m not sure if they’re small enough for a bike]

With great power, comes great irresponsibility.\

[Truth]

based of Tarot cards."

[based off/on?]

I think you’ve got a good story here – the characterization and plot is fairly good, but I just feel like there are too many “hey, here’s something straight from the games”.
161 | « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 .. Last Next »