|Reviews for It's Like Catching Lightning|
| kaybaby1127 chapter 1 . 12/18/2013
well that was depressing
| 1HSMWiLdCat chapter 2 . 10/22/2010
this story was so beautiful!
| Rhea Silverkeys chapter 1 . 8/25/2010
Hello! I'm here as one of the judges for the challenge.
Hmm. I would have liked to see more of the self-insert. I saw a few lines and that was about it...
If I remember the movie right, you've changed it so that Troy didn't drive to see Gabriella, didn't you? I thought it was quite sad how they didn't end up together, although the dialogue at the end wasn't as natural as I thought it could be. I just thought it was a bit strange that Gabriella asks Troy to come back, then asks him to go away.
I also think that sometimes you put in detail that isn't really appropriate for a first person POV. For instance, "her soft, chocolate irises slowly melted with my ocean ones". I doubt anyone really thinks of or would describe their own eye colour in this way.
Overall, I thought this was an interesting story, but I would have liked to see more of the self-insert.
| pamylz chapter 2 . 7/9/2010
Awww that was very sweet, and quite realistic too. Nice job, liked it a lot. Peace.
| Princess-Yelly chapter 2 . 7/2/2010
The story is great. I was in tears because the first part was sad of course on how Troy was actually going to wait for her even if it meant to be single till the day he died; Then the ending was amazing the happy tears of course. This is a great story.
| Zac is my.Life chapter 2 . 6/26/2010
Wonderful...:) I loved the ending! :)
| RandommMee chapter 2 . 6/26/2010
aww thats was sweet thats all i gotta say SWEET! :D
| hopelessromanticgurl chapter 2 . 6/26/2010
Great ending! I loved it.
| pumpkinking5 chapter 2 . 6/26/2010
No words are needed. Just perfect. They found their bolt of lighting together.
| EmmKaylikesMusic chapter 2 . 6/26/2010
too cutee 3
i love it!
| hsm4ever54 chapter 2 . 6/26/2010
that was a good ending to this story good job
| yogaluva chapter 2 . 6/26/2010
awww Troy proposed and she said yes
| nicolieolliepollie chapter 2 . 6/26/2010
omg, this was way too good(: keep up your writing. it's an addiction.
| LoveLifeHopeHappiness chapter 2 . 6/26/2010
| pyrrhicvictoly chapter 1 . 6/20/2010
The title really caught my eye on this one. It was very intriguing, and I think that alone made me want to click on the fic. And then I thought, "Oh, it came from a song! That's cute!"
I got the extended metaphor right away, that Gabriella is being compared to lightning throughout the story. I like that you mentioned the theme at both the beginning and the end; it tied things together nicely. In the first scene, however, I actually thought that this comparison was a bit overdone, and the repeated mentions of lightning, power, and running out of power just seemed to bog things down.
Then there was this line: "But when she had gone, that power faded, just like when lightning strikes a tree and it falls on an electric wire, the power gets extinguished."
I was confused about the point that you were trying to make. "But when she had gone, that power faded." That part was good. For the rest, I still don't think I'm completely getting it, because she's the lightning AND the power flowing through the electric wire...? I'm probably just thinking about it too much, but extended metaphors are tricky, and here it felt like it was trying to squeeze more symbolic prose out of the lightning than would comfortably fit. Sometimes simpler is better, which brings me to my next point.
I think this story would work better in third person because this voice is not that of a regular young man. The style in which this is written would be great for third person, but in first person it makes me think of the narrator as someone with a very dramatic, almost melodramatic, personality. First person is very intimate in that you're getting into the character's head and hearing his thoughts directly, so ask yourself: would Troy use words like "dulcet tones" or "crestfallen sigh" in his internal monologue? If he's the type of guy who would, I take back everything I just said in this paragraph, LOL!
Anyway, since this is an entry for the self-insert contest, I feel like I should comment on Julia, too. She didn't have a very big role, so I wasn't able to get a good sense of her personality or motivations, but it felt very natural for her to be there, and she seemed realistic. Good luck in the contest! :)