|Reviews for A Captain's Farewell|
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/17
I like this idea, but it feels too rushed.
When you summarize what happened in two paragraphs, it doesn't really convey any of the emotion. It just feels like you're saying, "The Straw Hat crew breathed in sea mist and the Devil Fruit users got sick. There was only enough of the antidote for two of them, so Luffy let Chopper and Robin take it. Luffy is dying now." You need to actually show the scenes and build the tension, making Luffy's "death" even more depressing.
Like the previous scenes, Luffy's speech feels rushed. When Luffy tells everyone to follow their dreams, it would help if you broke it apart into smaller chunks and showed the other characters' reactions. Okay, so they were crying and Luffy finished his speech with a chuckle. Again, that by itself doesn't convey much emotion. Take the time to describe things so readers have more than a general sense of what's going on, and then you'll get somewhere.
So minutes passed as the crew waited for Zoro and Sanji to come back up. Minutes also pass when you're waiting in a long line. The words you use need to create an appropriate atmosphere. For example, here are two ways of showing people standing at a grave in the rain.
1. They didn't notice the rain as they looked at their friend's grave.
2. They hardly noticed the freezing rain as they somberly gazed at their friend's grave.
The second one is more interesting, right? That's because it created a serious and depressed atmosphere. Remember, it's not what you say, but how you say it.
Moving on to Ace's rescue, it's nice to see that Luffy survived. However, I think this story would have been better if Luffy died. Sure, it would mean killing him, but it would emphasize the sacrifice he made by refusing to take the antidote. Besides, there's really nothing here that could have led up to Ace saving Luffy. Without any previous hints that this could happen, it ruined the mood and felt like a last-ditch attempt to give it a happy ending.
In general, you need to show more of the characters' emotional reactions. There are a few typos, but nothing too noticeable. Of course, there were some good parts, like when Zoro and Sanji jumped into the water to save Luffy.
This story could use some improvement, but the plot seems like it has potential.
| hoot hoot owls chapter 1 . 9/24/2013
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/18/2013
ARGH! I HATE YOU! YOU'RE TOO AMAZING OF AN AUTHOR! Between this story and "No Regrets", you actually had me crying! WHY ARE YOU SUCH A GOOD AUTHOR DAMMIT?!
| lostgamer64 chapter 1 . 5/22/2013
Listening to that sad song on one piece and reading this. Now I'm blinded with tears. Thank you auto correct
| I Would have chapter 1 . 4/15/2013
murdered you if... okay not murder just get my hacker friend to you know and get some other ppl who would also have been pissed off and ... well you obviously have an imagination so, work it! girrrlll (Alas I am joking, no hacker friend, that I know)
| RunnaKun chapter 1 . 10/22/2012
I love it!,I had forgotten,me and my bestfriend just read it and she gave a thumbs up for it!,I too shall give you a thumbs up for this story!
| Ryuu no Yume chapter 1 . 2/6/2012
I nearly died when luffy fell into the water. It was all so real.
How did ace save luffy anyways? He can't swim.
| draco122 chapter 1 . 12/21/2011
that was epic i loved every bit of it
| janzen222 chapter 1 . 10/4/2011
didn't expect ace to show up but thats good
| Iryelb chapter 1 . 6/5/2011
ill admit it was a little sad but since luffy lived and the story really wasnt changed at all it was more like one of those anime movies based off the show in the moment its everything but after that no body ever talks about it or remembers it other wise though I quite enjoyed it
| vivi.chu-ie chapter 1 . 12/6/2010
SO SAD! D: but still a happy ending so all's well :) GREAT STORY! KEEP WRITING!
| JuzSomeone chapter 1 . 11/1/2010
whoa... that's really scary... i srsly thought he will die
i doubt there's any ooc :D
| Fiesty Sin chapter 1 . 9/4/2010
it was sad.. i liked it
| Kage Ookami-Oni chapter 1 . 8/20/2010
Nice fic. I'm kinda sad that Luffy didn't die (I like stories when that kind of thing happens). But I'm also happy that he survived. Anyway this fic is so touching. Luffy's speech was heartfelt, completely in-character, and well written. The only part I liked better was when he fell off the boat, so... suspenseful? dramatic? I can't think of the right word. But still it was my favorite part.
| Darkness34 chapter 1 . 7/28/2010
Awesome story! I had a thought when the vivre cards burning and they get better, does it grow back?