|Reviews for Revised Season 3: Fire|
| Renegade175 chapter 1 . 8/11/2010
Why did you have Aang die?I didn't like that part!
| Knight Of Dark chapter 7 . 8/3/2010
The story is quite boring! First of all it is because all the episodes you've done with no dialogue, except in the painted Lady and that was so brief, you explain a scene in one paragraph instead of explaining what's happening and why you just describe it, it also seems to rushed! I think you went overboard with Sozin, making him way more powerful that it kind of becomes ridiculous, you make him seem like a Mary-Sue (A Perfect Character with no faults). Also all the Characters are out of character. For Example, when Ty Lee says "Yes. I do believe that" then Azula said "I guess you right, somewhat" I doubt she'd say that, she'd probably say "Do you really want to find out, Ty Lee?" using a menacing rhetorical question like that and also you could put what's their doing while speaking.
Here what I think you should have done...
"Wow, they really look happy together" Ty Lee whispered slightly loudly with excitement and also cheer.
"Yeah they do, they way Azula looks, it kind of make me believe she not completely heartless" replied Zuko in slight surprise at his sisters happiness, he had never seen her smile like this, it wasn't the smile he'd seen before, when Azula normally smile it was a sign of something bad and that only happened when she was a kid, now she would normally smirk.
"Why exactly are spying on them again?" asked Mai in a bored Monotone voice, gazing at Zuko expecting him to answer but before he could Ty Lee interrupted.
"I wanted to see what they were doing, they always sneak out! My curiosity got the better of me, but I didn't want to be alone so I brought you guys alone!" replied Ty Lee a bit too loudly with her trademark smile, but the couple, Azula and Sozin didn't seem to hear.
"More like dragged, but anyway I don't desire being struck by lightning" answered Mai with the dull same tone she always used, no matter what.
"I don't think Zula would really do that" replied Ty Lee Confidently with a slight smile, using Azula nickname she gave her.
"Is that really what you believe?" asked Azula with a slight smirk on her red lips, she and Sozin had heard them but ignored it until they had finished their date, then they sneaked behind them while they were distracted with each other and emerged.
"Yeah Zula, I believe it" replied Ty Lee bravely but was a bit sheepish.
"Do you really want to find out, Ty Lee?" Azula asked in a deadly calm yet cold voice, her piercing golden eye glaring straight in Ty Lee's grey...
Please don't take this as an insult to your writing, I'm only trying to help.
| Amateur Marauder chapter 21 . 7/6/2010
I like it, but your chapters are more like a storyboard and a quick run through, not a fanfiction, or an actual story. These no dialogue, and there is nothing sayin how the characters feel, and the characters are so out of their character. (make sense?)
-You had MASSIVE blocks of text, making somebody easily forget their place, and everything in the stroy moved so fast, you forgot the key element in a story. Trying to keep the readers interest. You didnt even look to do that...